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I'm not looking forward to going home

My SIL's there watching the kids for us.  After talking to her at length about the time she put Tristan in a closet we determined that she was horribly, terribly sorry and that she thought she was playing with him.  She swears all she did was close the door while he was in there, he freaked (of course) and she immediately opened the door.  Either way, when she asked if she could start watching the kids again we talked to her about it, and told her since the kids will be sleeping the entire time she's there that we'd give it a shot.  She's changed a lot in the past year and we'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt.  She is their Aunt after all.

That's just a little update for those of you who knew about the closet ordeal.

Here's why I'm not looking forward to going home.  I came home from work yesterday and noticed that a carton of Chinese food was gone from the fridge.  It had 5 chicken fingers and 5 crab rangoons in it.  I was planning on giving it to the kids as part of their dinner as a treat (since we were having jambalaya which was real spicy).  I asked Dan if he ate it...he said no.  Now, that's kind of a lot of food for 1 person, they were real big.  That's when the light shone over my head: my SIL's bulimic.  I asked Dan to call his Mom (MIL watched the kids 9-1, SIL from 1-3:30) and ask her what she fed the kids for lunch.  Her response "SIL fed them when she got there...she and the kids had sandwiches".  Which means, she not only had a sandwich, but 10 fingers/rangoons.  It's obvious what she did, and MIL immediately said "she must have binged".  She's a size 2 btw, maybe 100 pounds soaking wet, so a sandwich and 10 fingers/rangoons is a LOT of food.

So Dan asked for advice on how to handle it since a) we'd prefer she not do this in my house and b) I can't afford to be replacing the amount of food this girl can pack away in a single sitting.  MIL offered some advice, apologized, and hung up.

What does she do...she calls SIL and blasts her for it.  SIL then calls Dan hysterically crying saying she'll replace the food, and she's so sorry, and please don't hate her, etc.  Dan and I both know this is a disease, we're sympathetic to that, and neither of us care if she responsibly eats while she's at the house, we just don't want her binging/purging while she's there.  Dan talked to her for quite a while and calmed her down, but now I have to go home and face her this afternoon.  I don't know why but it's turning my stomach in knots.  Maybe she won't say anything, or maybe she'll start crying and apologizing.  I hate that we've had to live with this elephant in the room for 6+ years now.  Bulimia is such a terrible thing.  UGH!

Okay, just wanted to vent.  Wish me luck for later! 

Pam - Mom to Tyler David 10/23/94, Tristan Hal 3/11/06, Melinda Rose 7/22/07 image image image image image

Re: I'm not looking forward to going home

  • ::hugs:: Pam I wish I could wave my magic wand and make everything rainbows and puppies for you. :(

    I hope when you get home, things just go smoothly.. elephant or not.  I can't even imagine dealing with half the things you do.  You're still my hero lady.. if that counts :o)

    ::more hugs::

  • Good luck pammers, let us know how it goes...

    I can't believe she won't get herself some medical help, my cousin had bulimia for years and finally got some help - but only when she went into heart failure in her classroom teaching one day.  It's frightening and not fun to deal with that's for sure- i feel for you guys.

  • Oh it's devastating.  I've watched her deteriorate over the last 6 years from a vibrant teenager to a gaunt, sallow, sickly looking woman.  The good news is she now acknowledges it's a problem and is ashamed by it, where for the first 4 -5 years she would literally be in your face about it, blaming her parents for her condition.  We desperately want her to get help, we love her, of course.  It makes Dan cry on a regular basis.  UGH

    Yes Joanna..it does count!!  LOL

    Pam - Mom to Tyler David 10/23/94, Tristan Hal 3/11/06, Melinda Rose 7/22/07 image image image image image
  • Oh Pam, that's tough. I have to say I'm proud of you for giving her another chance, that had to be a really hard decision to make. ?Here's hoping it goes well today :)
  • Good luck this afternoon, Pam. The first stage of her recovery is to acknowledge that she has a problem, which it appears she does. Hopefully she'll get the help she needs to learn to view her body as a beautiful thing and start eating healthily. And, if she continues to watch your children, hopefully she'll be respectful enough of you and Dan to eat responsibly around her nephew and niece.

    I can't imagine having to deal with this issue, especially with such a close relative. My heart goes out to her (and her heartbroken brother).

  • That sucks Pam!  I have someone in my family who struggled with bulemia for years and it tore us apart.  The denial is the worst.  Once the problem was out in the open, helping with recovery was much easier.

    I hope she's able to lean on her family and let them help her get treatment. 


  • That's very sad. ?I was in a sorority in college and saw a lot of bulemia/anorexia in the women I was around on a regular basis (across campus). ?Eating disorders are rampant and such a very scary thing. ? ?It is so sad that so many of the young ladies in this country are so critical of themselves and their bodies. ?We need strong, confident women, not women who think so little of themselves. ?I am so sorry! ?It is so awful and it really is a disease. ?Hang in there!


  • Pam is she in treatment? My only suggestion is that you guys have a talk with her and point her in the right direction of help. It's good that she knows what she is doing is wrong, but like you said, it's a disease and as hard as she tries to control it in your house she obviously can't. If you have a major issue with her doing it in your house then I would probably think twice about her watching the kids.

    Oh this one is sticky......tread lightly my friend.

    Christian Robert: December 13, 2006 image Gianna Catherine; May 10,2009 Mother's Day Baby! image Check out my fitness & health blog! Fit Moms & Full Plates
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