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does anyone here married to mommy's boy?

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Re: does anyone here married to mommy's boy?

  • So she is moving into the home that you two just bought? Or your husband is staying in her home/you guys decided not to buy the home? I am confused because your posts seem to relay two different situations.
  • Move far away!  Your H needs to put YOU and YOUR NEEDS first!  Not his mom's!

    You can tell me any old sob story you want, but your H took care of mom for far longer than was necessary.... and now, since he married YOU, he needs to grow a pair and act like it.

    If your DH was doing all this for any other woman, you'd be gone.  Yes, she's family, so it's a little different, but not so different that you all need to live together or you're "abandoning" her. 

    Stick up for yourself and tell your H he better start putting you first.  I wouldn't stay in a marriage with a man who wouldn't put me first.

  • image carlobee:

    how old is MIL? with that situation, i would not immediately think that he is a momma's boy. probably this is part of MIL's getting old. older people usually gets emotional most of the time especially when they are alone.. like in this situation.

     

    image 

    she is 50 and maybe you are right. She has a difficult time now, because in 2 weeks time her daughter will be studying overseas and she might feel lonely. Its just that I feel I am trapped in the situation now.. If she hadn't said okay from the first time, I would'nt hope so much. sigh

  • She's 50, she's not on death's doorstep. Your H is a giant momma's boy who cares more about his mom than his wife. He's proving that to you. Can you live with that? Can you spend the rest of your life knowing you matter the least to him?

    By the way, you aren't "trapped" in this situation. You have choices here. One choice is to stay in this situation and never complain about it again and another choice is to leave this situation entirely and start over.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    soooo... what hei saying to you, loud and clear, is "since I can't make BOTH of you happy, if the choice is to upset mom or upset you--even if mom is being unreasonable, I'll always choose mom's side and upset you"

    She is the priority, you are secondary...

    and, since she's 50....you have another 30 years of that ahead of you.  Of him choosing her side regardless of what the plans or reasonable choices you 2 have made.

    (and after MIL passes...there will be someone else.  There will always be someone in front of you)

    If the 2 of you can get into marriage counseling--now is the time for it.

    If he won't go, go fo ryourself.

    and think long and hard about whether or not you're willing to put up with this forever.

     

     

  • image missy..:

     My husband and I bought a house, within 1km from my IL's and intend to move out from her house. That day MIL said okay we can move out, but the next day she cried, telling my H he abandon her and all that, and make my husband feel guilty. I felt like trapped in this situation, and when I was upset I said "so now I know you are momma's boy!" and he said "yes, u can say anything u like but I'm still moving in with my mum!"

     It sounds like you guys just need to be firm with MIL that this is what's gonna happen, that its time for the two of you to start out on your own.  It will be an adjustment everyone, which explains her tears, but as she realizes she's NOT being abandoned...she'll deal.  This sounds like a momma and the son she's relied on having issues taking the next steps in their lives.  Mom is 50.  She has another son at home.  You're only a km away.   Its not like you all won't see her.

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  • image missy..:

    I married my H, knowing that he is close to his mom. His mother raised him and his bro and sis alone after his father died when he was 12 y.o. His mom do all the household, make breakfast, cook for him and all that.So in my opinion he is just being obligated to take care of his mother after all this years. 

     After married (8 mths ago), we still live with his mum because we havent buy a house yet. Fast forward on till last week, My husband and I bought a house, within 1km from my IL's and intend to move out from her house. That day MIL said okay we can move out, but the next day she cried, telling my H he abandon her and all that, and make my husband feel guilty. I felt like trapped in this situation, and when I was upset I said "so now I know you are momma's boy!" and he said "yes, u can say anything u like but I'm still moving in with my mum!"

    I dont know is that just an angry reply or is that the truth..

    Yeah, you are screwed.  Her behavior alone doesn't make him a momma's boy but if he is leaving you and your new home to move in with his mother because she cried, that's a fail.

    image
  • image zitiqueen:

    She's 50, she's not on death's doorstep. Your H is a giant momma's boy who cares more about his mom than his wife. He's proving that to you. Can you live with that? Can you spend the rest of your life knowing you matter the least to him?

    By the way, you aren't "trapped" in this situation. You have choices here. One choice is to stay in this situation and never complain about it again and another choice is to leave this situation entirely and start over.

    Yes, i agree. I will stick to my choice married to him. but never complain is easier to say than do.

    thanks ladies for all your replies.

    decision has been made. she is moving in with us to our new house.

     

  • The decision has been made by whom?  Your DH?  Isn't it your house too?  And you're putting up with this?  I guess you deserve it, then.

    I just can't fathom what could cause a person to be this spineless.

    image
  • I guess I might be confused, but were the two of you living with her while you were newlyweds? If so, wasn't that a red flag? I mean, if anything, plan your wedding around the timeline of living independently. Have you ever lived on your own? 

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  • image missy..:
    image zitiqueen:

    She's 50, she's not on death's doorstep. Your H is a giant momma's boy who cares more about his mom than his wife. He's proving that to you. Can you live with that? Can you spend the rest of your life knowing you matter the least to him?

    By the way, you aren't "trapped" in this situation. You have choices here. One choice is to stay in this situation and never complain about it again and another choice is to leave this situation entirely and start over.

    Yes, i agree. I will stick to my choice married to him. but never complain is easier to say than do.

    thanks ladies for all your replies.

    decision has been made. she is moving in with us to our new house.

     

     

    And what happens to the other brother, the sister (when she's back) and the other house?  Are they moving in with you too?  Don't think this was thought out too well.  I would remind your H that since HIS mom is moving in, you need to make room for your parents too.  Fair is fair. 

  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker
    image missy..:
    image zitiqueen:

    She's 50, she's not on death's doorstep. Your H is a giant momma's boy who cares more about his mom than his wife. He's proving that to you. Can you live with that? Can you spend the rest of your life knowing you matter the least to him?

    By the way, you aren't "trapped" in this situation. You have choices here. One choice is to stay in this situation and never complain about it again and another choice is to leave this situation entirely and start over.

    Yes, i agree. I will stick to my choice married to him. but never complain is easier to say than do.

    thanks ladies for all your replies.

    decision has been made. she is moving in with us to our new house.

     

    wow...I hope you know what you're signing up for and resigining yourself to.

    And I hope you get counseling.  for yourself.  now.

  • image missy..:


    but never complain is easier to say than do.

     

    You're right, it is hard, but if you're going to lie down on the floor and give these people your permission to walk all over you, you have absolutely no right to ever complain about how they walk all over you. The only person you can ever complain about is the one who looks back at you from the mirror. You can't blame your DH for your unhappiness anymore and really, you could never blame your MIL for your unhappiness. It's all your fault from this point forward.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • You're husband is an a$$hole.  Tada.
  • You're moving less than FIVE MILES AWAY and she made him feel guilty?! And he's moving back in with her?! Ooh boy, you are in for a loooong road if things don't change ASAP.

    Who is living in your new house? You? Or is it sitting abandoned? What an insane situation.

    For me, it would be ultimatum time. He moves into the new house with you and goes to counseling, or you are leaving the marriage.

  • image missy..:
    image zitiqueen:

    She's 50, she's not on death's doorstep. Your H is a giant momma's boy who cares more about his mom than his wife. He's proving that to you. Can you live with that? Can you spend the rest of your life knowing you matter the least to him?

    By the way, you aren't "trapped" in this situation. You have choices here. One choice is to stay in this situation and never complain about it again and another choice is to leave this situation entirely and start over.

    Yes, i agree. I will stick to my choice married to him. but never complain is easier to say than do.

    thanks ladies for all your replies.

    decision has been made. she is moving in with us to our new house.

     

    You are going to have one hell of a crappy life.  Too bad you don't respect yourself enough to stand up and say "no" to your husband.

     

    image
  • image duckie11905:
    image missy..:
    image zitiqueen:

    She's 50, she's not on death's doorstep. Your H is a giant momma's boy who cares more about his mom than his wife. He's proving that to you. Can you live with that? Can you spend the rest of your life knowing you matter the least to him?

    By the way, you aren't "trapped" in this situation. You have choices here. One choice is to stay in this situation and never complain about it again and another choice is to leave this situation entirely and start over.

    Yes, i agree. I will stick to my choice married to him. but never complain is easier to say than do.

    thanks ladies for all your replies.

    decision has been made. she is moving in with us to our new house.

     

    You are going to have one hell of a crappy life.  Too bad you don't respect yourself enough to stand up and say "no" to your husband.

     

    This. Good luck, dearest. 

  • For the love of your sanity, run away screaming.  Tell DH he can run with you or stay behind with mommy.

    Why did he even get married if all he wanted to do was keep his old life with his mom and siblings and not make a new life with you?

    Lila the pit bull princess


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  • First of all, if you know this is an issue BEFORE you get married you need to get it sorted out NOW. A piece of jewelry isn't going to change him. You both need to be on the SAME page about the issues that life is going throw your way. Your FI needs to cut the apron strings or you are going to have a sh!t ton of problems coming your way in the future.

  • Question. You still live with her 8 months after the wedding because you hadn't bought a house? Have you ever heard of apartments? Sure, easier to save $$ living with her, but you just enabled this situation yourself. And "MIL said okay we can move out"? WTF is that?! She's granting permission for an adult, married couple to get their own place? Ummm......no.

    Second. Probably an angry answer from him, at least let's hope so. Sit him down and talk (calmly if possible) and ask if that's really what he wants to do.

    If his mom is heading towards elderly, or in poor health, something like that, sure I can see his obligation. Other than that, no. I raised my daughter alone and I'd never think of her as "obligated" to me. It could be something as simple as empty-nest syndrome....could be something worse. If you look back over your relationship and your marriage, you should be able to pick out some clues as to which it is.

    And if he really IS a mommy's boy.....all I can do is wish you luck. I divorced one.

  • Wait wait wait. I didn't read down far enough.

    She's FIFTY? And still has a son at home? Oh, no no no.

    Counseling. If he won't go, you go alone. I agree, respect yourself....it's sounding like you're not getting it from them.

    Again, I divorced one, so been there, done that. NEVER again.

  • ARGH must start reading more! OK this is it.

    SHE'S MOVING IN WITH YOU? What about the other son? And her house? And most importantly...

    HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND? Think ahead a little....if you have children, do you seriously think for one second they'll  be raised the way you want with her there? You don't stand a chance. You might as well pick out wallpaper you can fade into, because that's exactly what will happen.

    Still go to counseling, absolutely. After you tell him you want a separation and you've found a place to stay. Otherwise, you are looking at a truly miserable life. You can't begin to imagine how much worse it's going to get.

  • Is english your first language?  I get the feeling from your posts that its not and therefore a cultural issue may be a factor too. 

    Regardless - I think you are in for a world of unhappiness and regret if she moves in with you.  Please think of yourself and your marriage FIRST.  And get you H to do so as well.

    I wish you the best of luck - you are going to need it for sure!

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