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Sick grandma and subletting lease

My Dh's grandmother has been on Dialysis for many years and also has an amputated leg. Despite all this she has got a second mortgage on her home and has been living on her own since DH's grandpa died. But lately she is getting worse and is starting to have early signs of oldtimers. MIL has been staying with her at night and we have all been cheacking on her.

 DH and I are planning on one day buying her home since it has been in the family for a long time. But due to the recent events we have decided to move in with grandma to help her out. Dh is very close with her and so am I, this seems like a great solution.

 The only problem is we have 6 months left on our lease and Dh's grandma really needs us to move in now to help her. We have decided to talk to landlord about subletting in order to get out of the lease. Does anyone have any advice or have been in a similar situation?

 

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Re: Sick grandma and subletting lease

  • Does Grandmother need financial help or just support of you being there?

    Are you going to be paying rent?

    I ask because if you're just going to be paying normal bills like food and electricity and not having an extra rent bill...then it seems to me like your rent is already in your budget so it shouldn't stretch you?

    I get the hassl of paying rent for a place you're not using but at least it shouldn't ruin your budget.

    Def talk to landlord about subletting.

    I think it's wonderful that you're doing this for your DHs grandmother.

    Good luck. 

     

    [IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/213pzit.jpg[/IMG]
    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old
  • What does your lease say about sublet?

     

    My landlord says no sublet allowed but that's over ruled by the state law on sublets.

     

    Are you in an area what would accomodate a student for the 6 months?

    Hospital's often look for short term sublets, can you check into that?

     

    sorry, all I can think of, it's late here

  • We would not be paying rent, but we have discussed using the money we would be saving to make some changes on the house that would help her. For example she has a really hard time rolling her walker on the shaggy carpet she has now and gets really frustrated so we want to find ways to help her with such stuff. Also helping with some medical expenses that may come up now. We would pick up all her household bills to (but needless to say that is no problem since it's stuff we pay now!)

    But even with such stuff we could keep paying rent here is absolutely necessary. We are defiantly not in a complete hurry to not pay rent here since I have it in budget as you said!  Not to mention 6 months is not to long is the grand scheme of things. We were just hoping to search options and hopefully free up the rent money for the things that may come up now.

     

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  • Oh and the lease says in certain circumstances he will allow subletting if we pay a fee (which is fine of course!). I guess on Monday I can go speak with him about this certain circumstance!

     

    Thanks so much for everyone's help!

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  • Truly not trying to be snarky, but it's Alzheimer's not "old timers".

    What you need to discuss with DH, Grandma and his family is realistically how long can she stay in the house and have you care for her?  And are you really going to be able to care for her?  Taking care of a person with Alzheimer's, even if it is in the beginning stages, is a full time job in itself.  With in the first 5 years of my Grandma's diagnosis she took off in the car 3 times (she knew how to drive but usually hated it) and set several fires in the house while trying to cook something.  And then there were the bathroom issues and her refusal to bath.  Plus she became extremely paranoid and very argumentative.  (actually being paranoid is a very early symptom).

    Despite all of these things it always seemed like she was able to care for herself.  But in truth she was a danger to herself and others.  My Grandpa was retired so he was able to care for her full time.  But if he wanted to go somewhere he needed to have someone else come and stay with her until he got home.  He also had to do things like turn the circuit breaker off for the stove (which won't work if it is gas) get an alarm for her bedroom door in case she left in the middle of the night.  

    It is very similar to childproofing a house, but more extreme.

    What you and your DH want to do is admirable, but I suggest that you go into it with a full understanding of what you are getting into.  Or you might find yourself in way over your head.  Unfortunately love can't conquer Alzeihmer's.  My Grandma has been in a specialized nursing home for 2 years (after almost 10 years at home after her diagnosis), but it is the only safe place for her.  She'll be there until she dies.

    If you decide that moving in with and caring for her is what is best for you then ask your landlord about flat out breaking the lease.  Often you can do this for a fee that might be equal to 2 months rent (sometimes less sometimes more).  Subletting is a good idea, but in many states you can be held liable if the new tenant fails to pay rent, causes damage or runs out on the lease.  IMO breaking is always better then subleasing.

  • I would look into either breaking your lease or doing a lease transfer (vs. a sublet). In a lease transfer, a new lease is written up for the new tenant and you aren't liable for any damages they do (instead, they are liable). You can also typically break a lease for a 1-2 month fee, not including sacrificing the deposit. However, depending on local laws, the landlord can't keep charging you the fee if they re-rent the apartment (i.e., they can't get double money for a place).
  • Anakin has brought up a lot of great points about what it can be like to care for someone who has Alzheimer's. I think it's very admirable that you and DH want to take care of his grandma, but you really need to go into this with your eyes wide open. Considering you didn't know the correct name for the disease, I am going to venture to say that you haven't really researched it. I would start there and then as anakin suggested, have a talk with DH's family about what will happen when the disease advances and she can no longer safely remain at home.

     www.alz.org is a good starting point.

  • Yeah I hadn't thought to comment on the dementia part. Alzheimers is only one form of dementia.

    Do go into it with your eyes wide open but also go into it knowing that no two people progress with the illness inthe same way.

    My FIL was perfectly fine at home by himself during the day for a good 3 or 4 years after diagnosis.

    The family explored daycare options for him when it became unsafe for him to be on his own and MIL was working. Unfortunately he pitched a fit and ended up being committed. Once committed the health professionals said, "we will support what you want to do but our advice is that he be in full time care"

    Anyway my point is, talk to some support groups, get some ideas on how the disease "can" progress and create some coping strategies for these.

     Can you discuss this issue openly with DHs Grandmother? Often the one who is sick is very reluctant to be diagnosed as such.

    Be aware they can also get very paranoid about money and being taken advantage of.

    You may want to look into protetcing yourself legally now. Does she have a power of attorney? Are you definitely going to buy the house? Will you sign anything now? Does she have money if she needs fulltime care? Are there are other family members who may get angry or tetchy about this arrangement? Will they see their inheritance as being under threat? Does someone else have their eye on the family home?

    Again good luck, but do make sure you think all aspects. 

    [IMG]http://i55.tinypic.com/213pzit.jpg[/IMG]
    Elizabeth 3yrs old Jane 1yr old
  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    what anakin and a few others have said, in spades.

    and...

    GET IT IN WRITING.

    Whatever lease & care agreement you and grandma and the family come up with, WRITE it down.  There should be no danger of misinterpreting things--of them thinking you agreed to X when you thought it was Y.  There should be an 'out'--a way to 'break' the lease when/if youi guys realise that grandma can't be cared for @ home anymore.  There needs to be legal protection and protection from simple misunderstandings on BOTH sides. 

    So figure this out, and write it down.

     

    And get a medical opinion--starting to show signs of her age is not necessarily the same as the beginning of dementia--and until she sees a doctor you have no idea if something or NOTHING is wrong.

     

    And dont' go into this blind--do some research.  I recently lost my grandmother after a long (more than 8 year) fight with dementia (not old-timers (how I detest that cutseying-up and condescending 'misnomer' to describe something so heartbreaking).  And not alzhimers.  A form of dementia that was faster-acting, less understood medically, and just as devastating as alzhimers.)  In spite of the love I had for grandma (she was one of the most important people in my life), in spite of our resources, we weren't able to care for her in her home.  Or ours.  Or my parent's.  It simply wasn't possible--financially (the insurance covered home care differently than nursing home care), physically (we could not properly restrain her, properly lift her, etc), etc.

    And even if it had been physically and financially possible?  It wouldn't have been psychologically possible.  Caregiving isn't as simple as watching the person, changing the diapers and giving them medicine--it is draining, you watch someone morph into something unlike the person you knew (both before and after loosing their faculties), you watch someone die.  It's not as simple or as straight forward as it initally looks--and, like KateLouise said--your grandmother's case could end very differently than what I'm describing but some parts will be the same.

    I'd reccomend starting, AFTER an actual medical diagnosis of any mental health issues, with the book "the 36-hour day" and with exploring some sites for caregivers like http://www.caregiver.org/caregiver/jsp/home.jsp

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