Sex & Romance
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Hi, Im new and need advice....

I was just married,June 13, and DH and I have been together for 6 years! Well In Sept. he went to the doctor and had all kinds of tests done, just because of his family history mostly! Well it turns out his cholesteral is sky high and he has an underactive thyroid. For at least the last year(maybe a bit longer) hes had trouble keeping it upEmbarrassed When the test were done we asked the Dr if this could be the reason and he said it probably was. Hes been on meds ever since and its still the same! BUT, heres the aggrivating part for me, when Im not home he can watch porn and do what needs to done and all is good, but when we try to have sex it goes no where! Ive been very supportive and stood by him and tried to make it out as an "oh well we'll try later" but Its hard knowing that porn cam do it and I cant! Its been at least 2 1/2 months since weve had any kind of sex what so ever. I know its hard for him and its a big ego buster but what am I doing wrong that it wont last? Its driving me crazy to think hes not attracted to me in a sexual way anymore! I dont know what to do, Ive tried everything, movies, toys, BJ, cuddling, you name it I think Ive tried it!

Im sorry this is so long but any suggestions would be appreciated! Ill be back on after work so any questions you may have for me I can answer then. TIA and sorry if TMIConfused

Re: Hi, Im new and need advice....

  • What happens when you watch the porn together?
  • If the erections are so touch and go, why is he wasting them on the porn and jerking off?
    image
  • Does he at least "take care of you" if he can't take care of himself with you? I would imagine the porn works because there is no performance anxiety. So if he just focused on you for a little bit, you could at least be satisfied and he might get aroused just by watching you. Tell him to stop thinking about sex (don't even plan on actual sex) and to just work on getting you off (in nicer words than that ;)) for a little while. Usually when we do that, it almost always leads to sex and when it doesn't, we still always have fun.
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Is he watching porn to figure out how to resolve the bedroom problem? I'm sure this has been really hard for him. Most guys won't even go to the doctor. Huge credit to him for going to the doctor. Did he talk to them about Cialis or another ED drug?

    We've all seen all kind so porn issues on here. I think yours is a very different issue. I wouldn't attack the porn on this one. Work on the problem of no sex and see if you can get him to take an ED drug. If after you guys are having sex again there is stilll a porn issue then go after the porn problem.

  • No, hes not watching porn to solve the sex issue, its just his thing I guess, for a while it really caused problems between us and I ended up leaving because I felt that he didnt need me to do anything except be his maid and I wasnt having any of that! We havent talked to Dr about an ED drug, but we did have a friend give us a viagra, it didnt work either! He gets upset when I bring it up and I understand why but he wont let me help him try to figure it out! Obviously I love him and want to try and figure this out! When we did talk to the Dr about it he didnt mention anything about an ED drug, he said once the cholesteral meds and the thyroid meds kicked in, it would stop! Its been 9 months and its still the same result. As far as watching porn together, he wont have none of it, the few times we have he fast forwards through it and says it stupid and what not! The main thing is, he tries to hide watching it from me, like Im an idiot or something, when I confront him he denies it like a 12 yr old boy would! Hes 35 and too young to really have this major of a problem I would think. It didnt really start till, like I said, a year maybe year and a half ago. Before then it was great, he would on forever and I was begging to just stop! I donkt know what else to do. But he really doesnt act like he wants to satisfy me either. I almost feel like hes saying "I cant be satisfied, neither are you". Im sure thats not what he feels but thats how I feel! Sad
  • When we did talk to the Dr about it he didnt mention anything about an ED drug, he said once the cholesteral meds and the thyroid meds kicked in, it would stop! Its been 9 months and its still the same result.

    He needs to see another endocrinologist for another workup. He needs to be reevaluated and his thyroid levels retested; it is likely that his his meds need to be upped or decreased, depending on what the blood work shows.

  • "for a while it really caused problems between us and I ended up leaving because I felt that he didnt need me to do anything except be his maid and I wasnt having any of that!"

    Well, it looks like you're at that point again.  Do you see this changing for good, ever?  Or do you see you leaving, it changing for a while, and then him going back to his old shenanigans for the rest of your life?

    image
  • image ReturnOfKuus:
    If the erections are so touch and go, why is he wasting them on the porn and jerking off?

     Ditto that.  

    Atthedogpark
    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • It sounds like it's more mental than physical, for some reason he's choosing to have a relationship with porn and not with you.

    Sounds like you guys both need some counseling on the issue and he needs to cut it out with the porn. There can be porn addicts which can take away from actual intercourse. Which most guys would almost always take the real thing instead of imaginary. If he says no, you might just have to trick him and say it's a doctors appointment and show up with him in tow. If he's unwilling to discuss it, clearly it's an issue that needs to be discussed.

  • To be completely honest, I have no idea why there are women who stand for a man who watches porn.  My husband is passionately against pornography or any sort of that stuff because he believes that no one else should be seeing those women's bodies other than their spouse and he should not be seeing anyone else's naked body other than mine. I say this because he is an example of the kind of men who are out there who avoid it and don't need it.

     I have read numerous reports and studies that porn deminishes desire for a partner because it portrays sex and women in ways that no normal people can live up to (both physical bodies and the way they engange in sex).  It makes complete sense why he doesn't have desire to have sex with you.  He can get sex whenever he wants, wherever he wants, with whoever he feels like looking at at that particular day, and any way he "wants it."  No normal person can do this.  We look the same everyday.  We can't be a sexy blonde one day, and be a hot brunette the next- ahh, but pornography can be.  Whatever happened to our vows- "forsaking all others?" 

     Women, I cannot understand how ANYONE justifies being okay with either their husband, yourselves, or both of you (for "helping your marriage out") watching pornography. 

     You should NEVER have to compete with anyone else.  I say get counseling or something to resolve this issue quickly!!

     Blessings and I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.  I firmly believe you can be the only one your husband longs to look at and be with. 

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards