Relationships
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curious...

hello everyone.  I am generally a lurker and just finally signed up... but i was curious about something...

my boyfriend and i are a bit of opposites.... i can be very animated and lets say.. i have a bubbly personality... he is very mellow and go with the flow...i am very verbal while he is not.....

I have been always been the kind of person that verbally shares her feelings.  I feel that if you love a person, you tell them.  My boyfriend on the other hand, is not one to say it.  He thinks that saying it all the time kinda makes the term lose its meening.  I occasionly have a little bit of difficulty with this because i want to shout it from the rooftops while he holds it all in....  he does SHOW me each and every day (which is why it doesnt bother me so much that he doesnt verbally express it)....

now... how about the rest of you??  Do you regularly verbally express your love? or are you one who shows it?? what are cute/sweet little things you do to show it?

Re: curious...

  • We say I love you to each other about 185 times a day I think. Well..maybe not quite but it's ALOT. We are almost sickening I guess to others. We both had sh!tty relationships before and we are so great together that we just can't help ourselves but say it alot.
    My Blog - Life, Love and Laughter No government can dictate who we love. Life is short...so do what feels right!
  • I'm in the same situation as you. I love telling him I love him every day, and he says it loses it's meaning. But I only say it because I mean it, so that kind of hurts my feelings.

    He's one of Japan's "herbivore men"... so he doesn't express love through sex, and since he's Japanese in general, he doesn't verbally express he loves me... basically, he holds everything in completely. Which sucks, because I'm so talkative and open about my feelings, getting him to express himself is like pulling teeth. 

    The one thing that shows me he loves me: chores. If he would just do SOMETHING without me having to tell him to... instant turn-on. Seriously. A load of dishes, a load of laundry, picking up our dishes after dinner, throwing his own beer cans into the recycling-- it doesn't matter. Just anything.

    Of course, this rarely happens, so I savor his little expressions of love ^_^

  • CNN on "Herbivore Men"...

    though my H isn't scrawny. Or flaky. 

    But he is interested in his appearance, which is good. And he picks out most of my clothes for me when shopping, because I don't have a clue when it comes to fashion. ^_^

     

  • We say it multiple times daily - every time we get off the phone or leave each other.
  • I'm in a similar boat, my H has said I love you maybe 10 times in our 10 years together.  He does say luv ya a lot but honestly I don't think saying it is as important as showing it and feeling it. Besides, he might pull away if you nag him about not saying I love you.

    How many men have you heard about who say they love their wife/SO every day but then they cheat on them or beat them?  You know how you feel and you can tell if what he feels is real by the way he treats you.

    You might want to just tell him that you would appreciate it once in a while but just be happy that he treats you the way you deserve to be treated.

  • image gaijin_princess:

    CNN on "Herbivore Men"...

    though my H isn't scrawny. Or flaky. 

    But he is interested in his appearance, which is good. And he picks out most of my clothes for me when shopping, because I don't have a clue when it comes to fashion. ^_^ 

    So your husband is not interested in sex? Your posts never cease to boggle my mind.

    To the OP: everyone expresses love in different ways. My H and I tend to just spend time talking together. We build intimacy by sharing our thoughts and feelings about a lot of different things, but not necessarily murmuring sweet nothings to each other all the time. We like to make each other laugh, and to share new experiences.

  • image ibis:
    image gaijin_princess:

    CNN on "Herbivore Men"...

    though my H isn't scrawny. Or flaky. 

    But he is interested in his appearance, which is good. And he picks out most of my clothes for me when shopping, because I don't have a clue when it comes to fashion. ^_^ 

    So your husband is not interested in sex? Your posts never cease to boggle my mind.

    To the OP: everyone expresses love in different ways. My H and I tend to just spend time talking together. We build intimacy by sharing our thoughts and feelings about a lot of different things, but not necessarily murmuring sweet nothings to each other all the time. We like to make each other laugh, and to share new experiences.

    who cares that her husband isn't interested in sex.  everybody has a unique relationship and hers is one of them.  whats the big deal? 
  • image archintrain:

    hello everyone.  I am generally a lurker and just finally signed up... but i was curious about something...

    my boyfriend and i are a bit of opposites.... i can be very animated and lets say.. i have a bubbly personality... he is very mellow and go with the flow...i am very verbal while he is not.....

    I have been always been the kind of person that verbally shares her feelings.  I feel that if you love a person, you tell them.  My boyfriend on the other hand, is not one to say it.  He thinks that saying it all the time kinda makes the term lose its meening.  I occasionly have a little bit of difficulty with this because i want to shout it from the rooftops while he holds it all in....  he does SHOW me each and every day (which is why it doesnt bother me so much that he doesnt verbally express it)....

    now... how about the rest of you??  Do you regularly verbally express your love? or are you one who shows it?? what are cute/sweet little things you do to show it?

    We say I love you several times a day... always when we're saying goodbye. 

    But I know how you feel in another respect... I am also very vocal and animated and my boyfriend is very mellow and easy going. I am also a very affectionate person, I love to touch and be touched. Boyfriend is not affectionate at all hardly! He doesn't even mind if we don't kiss that much and when we do it is always just a peck. 

    Sometimes I just want to make out!

  • Read The Five Love Languages.  You may be more of a Words of Affirmation kind of person and you may not understand how your BF is expressing his love for you.

    My XH was definitely Words of Affirmation, but it came across as insecurity and I couldn't stand it.  My current husband and I are both Acts of Service, and I find that because we show each other so much through acts (taking out trash, putting the shoes away instead of leaving them by the door, things like gaijin mentioned), I'm much, much more forthcoming with the words of affirmation and physical touch now that I feel like I'm being loved the way I actually FEEL love.  Funny how it's worked out.

    Twin boys due 7/25/12
  • i have heard of (but not read) that book... and i think slowly, mr. jay is rubbing off on me... or i am adapting to the relationship.... him saying or not saying i love you isnt too much of an issue.. i know that he does love me even though he doesnt say it... and yes, i would think i am the words of affirmation person... but i like to think mr. jay is rubbing off on me and am becoming like the acts of service.... He is a very considerate fellow... i try to show him, but i still let him know (not all the time, but enough) that i appreciate all the little things he does.

  • Dh and I are the flipped version of you and your BF. I am less verbal while he is very verbal. Well, I'm verbal in terms of discussing things but not in terms of sharing emotion. I guess to me, showing is more important. Anyone can say it and not mean it. But its much harder to show it and not mean it.

  • image ManoloBlover:

    who cares that her husband isn't interested in sex.  everybody has a unique relationship and hers is one of them.  whats the big deal? 

    The big deal is gaijin is full of it. She seems to think she can throw Asian cultural slang (that she clearly barely understands) and racial slurs around just because she is married to a Japanese man at the ripe old age of 22. It's gotten old fast. 

  • Actions definitely speak louder than words for us (seriously, just him inflating my tires for me does wonders), but we say it about everyday as well.
  • Wow, Ibis.

    I used the term "herbivore men" and realized that not everybody knows what I was talking about. I searched it and came across the news article and thought it would be interesting. 

    And my husband likes sex, he just uses the head he has perched on his shoulders far more often.

    Plus, if you were married to somebody on a completely different cultural scale, you would probably understand why I bring it up so often-- what I would do with/to my husband isn't necessarily what would work on an American male, and vice-versa. They're completely different breeds. So, sorry for offending you with giving a bit of cultural insight. 

    And since you were all SO OFFENDED by that yellow monkey thing, I took it off my siggy. Seriously, you should really just get over it. Water under the bridge, mate.

  • We have never been ones to say "love you" a million times a day. A few times maybe through the day, when leaving the house and coming home maybe.  We both work, so we can't be on the phone all day expressing our love through words, we aren't 10.  But we do other things to express by helping each other out with other things. 
    image
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