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How to meet new people?

It's comforting to read some of the posts here & realize I'm not the only one who deals with issues with friends.  As one post here mentioned, I feel a lot of my friendships are fading & I really don't have anything in common with them anymore - it's a strain on both ends to try to get together & when we do, it's not that much fun.

That said, I try to meet new people at parties, exchange info, & even joined a local social group in an attempt to meet new people.  But, it's been hard - people don't respond, or it seems they're so busy in their lives.  It's hard for me to admit, but I really really miss having true friends.  I've been dealing with this for a while but don't really know what else to do!  Any advice?

Re: How to meet new people?

  • Um, I think I substitute these boards for real friends, for the most part (I have a few real life ones, but not as many as I used to).  Maybe GTGs?
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  • I'm sorry this comment is no help in finding friends but I wanted to let you know that I feel exactly the same way. I want friends so bad but I just don't know how to make them.
  • Have you tried Meetup.com?  They have a group for just about everything.
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  • mscars - glad to know I'm not alone!  ;)  after graduating college it's really been harder to meet interesting people!  Sometimes I think if I moved to a bigger city that offered more I'd meet more people...  everyone here just settles down right away & has kids pretty young..

    I have joined a group recently on meetup & went to a GTG - I'll be going to more mtgs & will hopefully meet some cool people.

  • Have you tried classes or groups? I have only a couple of close friends (DH's best friend's wife and a few coworkers). But we have lots of friends that we do stuff with. We met them through church, running club, a bike club that goes through the city (so it's more of a fun bike club - it starts and ends at a local brewpub). I've also met people through cooking classes, yoga classes, etc.
  • I dont really have advice either, but I just wanted to tell you that you're definitely not alone! I feel this way all the time, and its not fun at all.

    I wish I could do weekly meetups with the ladies on the nest but I'm not convinced it would go over well since the ladies here arent so receptive to 21 year olds. I try to stay under the radar despite really wanting to participate. I find it difficult because I dont have many friends my own age because I'm just different from them, I feel and act much older and its obvious when I try to hang out with my old friends, or H's old friends.

    I used to think about having kids just so I could go to mommy classes and make friends! Sad I know, and I am fully aware of its stupidity haha which is why we dont have kids. Its hard to make new friends because people often like to hang out with people they already know and have history with.

    Good luck with making new friends though, just stay outgoing and positive! You could always take a class of your favorite hobby, or a new hobby or a yoga class. I actually met a new possible friend today when going for my Air Force exam! Just because she was sitting next to me and I started a conversation, despite feeling a little awkward.

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  • Is there a newcomer's club in your area?  Newcomers usually have a lot of fun activities (book clubs, GTG, dinners - events both with and without the dh).  Even if you are living in the same town where you grew up, if you have had a "change of life" (married, stopped working to be with the kids, got a new home), you qualify for newcomers.

    Newcomers is filled with a LOT of people who are young and want to make friends.

    I would also suggest doing volunteer work, either for a volunteer organization like the Jr. League or Jr. Women's club, or a organization that you feel passionately about (Habitat for Humanity, Humane Society).  Also, if you feel strongly about a cause, look up to see if they are having any events.  You can volunteer to work at a walk-a-thon for Autism or the CROP walk.

    If you are athletic, join a biking group (often your local bike club can hook you up), a hiking group, or the local Road Runners chapter.

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    How about Meetup.com - they have something for everyone.

    I know Boston has a "Boston City Girls" group and they get together for movies, brunch, open markets, etc

    Also - we have a Boston Terrier and there is Bsoton Terrier Meetup group.  they meet at a Doggy Day Care, or a local dog park in the morning on Sundays - so it's safe.

     

    Check it out!

     

  • I second (or third) meetup.com.  I am newly single and without many friends.  I've joined a lot of groups on meetup and the people for most of the groups seem really receptive to making new friends (that's why they're there too).
  • I know exactly how you feel! I moved to an area with my H and it's been so hard meeting new people. H's family lives in town which is great, but it's nice to have friends outside the family. It just gives you a break from ILs :) So far meeting people at work has been the best plan of attack for me, but not many of the people my age at work are married...I will for sure have to checkout meetup.com and see what's there. I'll be your friend!!
  • I've always made most of my friends at work. Most of my friends are not married. I don't see why that would matter?

     

    But if you don't work, try joining a club and or taking a class.

  • I guess I really don't have any advice for you in this area, I'm in the same boat. And I too would like to meet some Nesties IRL. I recently started going to a group in the area I learned about on Facebook, and I've liked it so far (only about 1month in).
  • I really appreciate everyone's advice & support!  I do need to get 'out there' more - it's not like people are going to fall out of the sky!  I was volunteering in the past & I should start doing it again - it was fun & felt really good.
  • I am in this same boat. I moved to Chicago last year and know almost nobody. I am shy so I making friends indimidates the crap out of me. It sucks!
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  • Alecia - if you're interested I have a friend who has a cooking club on meetup.com in Chicago - she's really nice & I've been to a few of her meetups when I was in the area - really nice people!
  • Oh man,

    I tried meetup.com and, as I'm a vegan, I joined the vegan group in my area and went to one of the meetups. Oh my freaking god. Everyone had like, blue hair or was wearing some kind of hemp and the ONLY topic of discussion was how disgusting meat eaters were. Then someone whipped out a guitar and played vegan themed folk music.

    It was everything I could do not to run away screaming. NOT my idea of a good time! LOL!

    So now I'm trying to find something considerably more low key! 

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  • Not sure if you are into sports, but where I live there are recreational sports leagues for adults. You can have zero athletic ability and still play. There are happy hours and teams go out together, so it's a great way to meet new people. The softball team I play on has 22 people that range in age from about 25 - 40. I've also played kickball for a few seasons and my bf has played flag football for 10+ years. It is a ton of fun!
  • Well, I think so far we've all established that you're definitely not alone. Maybe that's why we're all on here - we have no friends :(

    I noticed someone earlier said she was 21 and felt as though people on here look down on that. Well, I'm 20, and I totally hear ya! The problem for me is that my lifestyle does not easily lend itself to those my age. My boyfriend of 2 years and I have kind of outgrown the sloppy-drunk-every-weekend phase that pretty much EVERYONE I know is still in. We work full time M-F jobs, and most people our age just don't get that. Definitely a major strain. And my single friends have a hard time accepting that there is someone more important in my life. Basically, my goals right now really clash with theirs. I'm still in school, so I try to meet people there, but in a lecture of 500, it's hard to find the same people twice.?

    I guess I have no advice, I'm just sympathizing. I'm lonely too. I need girlfriends desperately...all my friends are guys (quite literally).??

    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
  • image Tofumonkey:

    Oh man,

    I tried meetup.com and, as I'm a vegan, I joined the vegan group in my area and went to one of the meetups. Oh my freaking god. Everyone had like, blue hair or was wearing some kind of hemp and the ONLY topic of discussion was how disgusting meat eaters were. Then someone whipped out a guitar and played vegan themed folk music.

    It was everything I could do not to run away screaming. NOT my idea of a good time! LOL!

    So now I'm trying to find something considerably more low key! 

    This just made me snort my diet coke!  Too funny!

    My advice to the OP and others in the same boat is that it's easiest for a young person post college to find new friends through work.  Some places are more social than others.  When I was first out of college, I considered a career in law, so I worked for a few law firms as a legal assistant.  Friendships started with shared lunch runs, then happy hours, then other events outside of work.

    I did not pursue law as a career, and instead got my teaching degree.  I thought graduate school would be a great way to meet new people (especially guys, since I was single at the time) but most of the social events ended up like Tofumonkey's experience above - yikes!

    If you want people to do stuff with you, you have to organize fun stuff to do.  Start with low-key outings that are connected to the situation in which you met the people, then as you get to know people better, branch into activities that take more of a commitment.  In other words, don't invite gals you barely know to go shopping with you -- it's a little too intimate.  If you met in the dog park, find a dog-related event to attend for your first get-together.

    Also, don't count out friendships with "older" people -- by this I mean people in their late 20's and 30's.  When you're a student, most people you meet every day are very close to your age, and that's what you get used to.  After college the age range of people you are around widens, and if you limit yourself to only those in the 25 and under crowd, it'll be tough!  Also, don't count out people with a different marital status than youself.

  • Get a dog (or kid.)  Seriously, the moment I got a dog, I was immediate "friends" with every dog owner and child in the neighborhood.  Some of the kids' parents and some of the dog owners have absolutely nothing in common with me or fi, but some of them really do share similar interests and almost all are readily available for evening walks/doggie play dates. 
  • I am definitely in the same boat with the youngsters who feel too old to just be doing the clubbing, sloppy drunk scene.  I am still in school, but I am married and we have two dogs, so it's like our own little family.  All of my friends are in frats and sororities, so we don't have much in common anymore.  My problem is not so much the meeting people, but taking the next step.  It is really hard for me to get close to anyone.  I am that girl that everybody likes, and a lot of people know, but not really anyones friend.  And to top it off, we are about to move to a small town 30 minutes outside of College Station, TX.  Our only friends there have four kids.  Anyone on this thread live near A & M? We could be losers-with-no-friends together Stick out tongue  
  • I don't feel so alone anymore now that I see this is a common problem! Anyhbody in the Dallas area? :) People say that jewelry doesn't change who people are, but before hubby and I got married, I was always considered "one of the guys" and was always invited to hang out with the boys to watch games, go to bars or restaurants or whatever. Now that I am "wifey" I hardly ever get invited unless I say "do I get invited this time?" It's always time for guys nights out and I'm left at home b/c the other girlfriends/wives and I don't have much in common... I think I'll be checking out the meetup.com or whatever it was... :)
  • I understand 100%.That is the main reason I joined on here.I didn't really have any friends after my divorce.The ones I did make afterwards were just to busy for me.I don't have kids & I was divorced.They were married / kids or just had kids.We lived on different planets.Sometimes I feel socially inept b/c I don't have friends considering I'm a very social person.I don't have any advice just that I sympathize w/ you.I'll be your friend. Big Smile
  • kind of late to the discussion, but i totally know how you feel. moving to a new place with my h, new city, new job, new marriage is really overwhelming.

    nobody talks about how lonely marriage can be. esp if you're both working a lot.

    i would just say, make friends with people who you usually wouldn't.

    i made a conscious decision to befriend a woman at work 15 years older than me, a single mom, with 2 college age kids. they have become, strangely enough, a big part of my social circle now. and her wisdom, combined with their fun youthfulness is such a great balance.

  • I can totally relate as well and I live in a big city (NY)..But I commute back and forth to work every day..from Staten Island, live in the Bronx, NY right now....I have one friend who I barely talk to or see in SI, no one in the BX but my husband cause any fam he had moved away..We are now looking for a house in SI and I'm hoping to make some new friends that way..I've already been in touch with the SI Nesties so hopefully I can make a GTG..I did have more friends in my 20's but either grew apart or the friendships ended for silly reasons..

    I'm also on meetup.com, but strangely enough can never make the meetups since they take place late hours or on weekends when I'm not in the city..I've tried not to let it get to me..But I do enjoy talking to people on The Nest..I've also gone out lately with a crew from work and that was fun..I'm trying to put myself out there a bit and see what happens..

    So, if anyone is from NYC let me know! Big Smile

  • Lots of good tips on here - I'm so glad I'm not the only one with this issue.  I'm trying to make plans with new friends, and maybe it takes time - it seems people lately have a hard time trying to make plans - they act so flaky sometimes!
  • I'm right there with you. I don't have any "true" friends.I want to meet new people and hang out and socialize. My H on the other hand doesn't. He is content to just sit around all day and do nothing. I don't feel like I have any friends of my own that I can hang out with and we only have 1 other couple to go to but don't see them much either. How do I make new friends? It sounds so ridiculous and pathetic. I need other people to lean on besides my H and family. I feel like a loser. There should be a women's group where we just sit around and talk and vent or whatever while the husband's sit around somewhere else and watch tv or play video games.
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