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friends after divorce

My STBX and I always had our own friends but they became our mutual friends. After splitting, my Best Friend picked him over me. she promised me she wouldn't but it was very obvious when she did. Her DH and her call or text him all the time to ask him to go out but never me. My life long friend and her DH still talk to both of us  but I just wonder how awkward it's going to be when everything is final. I know anyone i date they will report back to him. What has everyone else done in this situation.

Re: friends after divorce

  • imageandthenthesuncameout:

     I know anyone i date they will report back to him. 

    what???
  • Find different friends, maybe? Ones who will respect your privacy?
  • imagegaijin_princess:
    Find different friends, maybe? Ones who will respect your privacy?
    Yeah.  They can be friends w/ both of you WITHOUT "reporting back" to either of you about the other.  And if they seriously won't respect your privacy, then I'd say they've chosen your ex too.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • imageandthenthesuncameout:

    I know anyone i date they will report back to him. What has everyone else done in this situation.

    Transferred to a different junior high school.

    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • I think this type of situation is at it's height immediately after the divorce, but after time once both sides are dating, and life moves on, it's not a big deal and they definitely don't discuss the other to the other (wow...that was bad).In the beginning, maybe. But after a while it becomes a non-issue.

    Eventually you'll realize that your XH's relationship with them, and their conversations don't revolve around you. Life goes on. 

  • This might not be what you want to hear, but I now joke that I lost all my previous friends in my divorce. My XBF actually knew XH was having an affair and didn't tell me.

    I decided that I was going to be strong and start living my life the way I wanted to. I found new, better friends (in fact my best friend is my DH's best friend's wife). My life is so much better, and I can honestly say that I don't miss my old friends at all. Sure we had good times, but friendships and relationships change. 

  • This happened to me too...  My college best friend picked my XH over me.  I was shocked.

    Find new friends... start a new life.  If they are willing to turn their backs on you, then you are better off without them. 

    GL

  • I would never want to feel I had to "pick sides" if my friends got divorced.  Its not fair for you to feel that just because things didn't work out in your marriage, that everyone you knew before you were married should shun your ex.

    However, if you feel your friends would "report" to your X about your personal life, then you need new friends.  I would keep your "friends" at arms length and not share any info that you feel that you don't want your X to hear.  But concentrate on building other relationships.  A person who does not respect your privacy is not a friend.

  • I can definitely relate to this situation. I was a bridesmaid in my friends wedding. During the course of her wedding planning, H and I split up. When it came time for the wedding, XH and I were both dating other people. Bride sent invitations out and invited XH with guest and invited me without a guest. Which was even more appalling because I was in the bridal party! I seriously contemplating dropping out of the wedding, but didn't want to stress her out (bc I am good friend, unlike her). However I have not spoken to her since the wedding, which was almost two years ago.

    Divorce definitely brings out things in people you never knew were there and wanted to see. However it made me realize who my true friends were, and I was thankful for that. You can't force someone to continue to be friends with you.

  • My husband and I met at our friends engagement party (the groom was his high school best friend and the bride was my new coworker and we just clicked).  About a year and half into their marriage they separated.  We told them we wouldnt pick sides and 2 years later we still havent.  It was tough on us at first because we spent a lot of time together as couples.  They were both at our wedding and were cordial to eachother.  I think it is completely ridiculous that your friends are picking sides.  If they were really friends of yours they would the effort and continue to be friends with both of you. 
  • Yes, when we divorced XH got to keep all our friends.  But, it was comforting to know that I didn't lose any 'real' friends.  If friends feel the need to choose between you and your X, they're not good friends to begin with!
  • It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who sees it this way too. I was really shocked that my best friend picked my XH over me but in the end I'm winning. I see it as a way to weed out who is really there for me. I will be moving back to my hometown anyway so it'll be a new chance to start again.
  • imagezitiqueen:
    imageandthenthesuncameout:

    I know anyone i date they will report back to him. What has everyone else done in this situation.

    Transferred to a different junior high school.

     

    LMAO yep.

  • My EXH and I had mostly mutual friends- (10 yrs together).  I knew that I would lose them in the divorce.. and i did.  Even those that were closer with me made zero effort to support me when I needed it, so I took their loss with a grain of salt.. obviously they were not true friends.  I have one friend that knew us individually and she has managed to maintain the friendship without trying to play sides.. and it's been 3 years. 

    If they are reporting to your exh, then they are not being true friends to you and you may just want to cut them loose. 

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