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Father and Wedding Woes (Long)...Advice

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Re: Father and Wedding Woes (Long)...Advice

  • I sent a check out this morning for the last portion of the accommodations.
  • Elope.  Have your reception and put that $10,000 toward something that will last more than a few hours out of one day in your life.

    Problems all solved.

  • You:  Really I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice on how to talk with parents who have not been the most upstanding in the past. Weddings are stressful, and so is the planning process. With no one being overly fond of my father I was just hoping that people could give me something constructive to use. 

    My Advice:

    "Hey, Dad, I know things have gotten a little crazy about the wedding.  I'm sorry about the misunderstanding over the $1000.  You can throw in money if you want, but you certainly should feel like you have to, no matter what the other parents are doing. 

    Also, May 10, 2010, was just the date that works best for us because of my graduation, etc.  It's a destination wedding, and no one -- including you or Little Brother -- HAS to come.  FI and I are prepared to get married on that day, in Florida, and we hope family can make it.  But if it doesn't work for everyone else, that's fine.  I knew that might be the case when I chose a destination wedding.  If you can be there, I'll be happy; if it's just not going to work out for you to come to Florida, or you just don't want to, that's fine too.

    I'll keep you posted about the wedding plans so that you can join in if you want to.  I'm sorry if things have gotten ugly about the wedding.  I love you and I hope you'll want to be there on my big day, but I'll understand if you don't."

  • Your parents brought you into the world and supported you in many ways (I assume) to get you where you are today. This isn't just you and your fiance's day, it's also theirs in a way. Keep in mind that parents also get pretty emotional when their kids are planning a wedding - it's hard for them to let go and realize that you're not their baby anymore. Step back a second, breathe, and try to see things from their point of view.

     

    You're choosing to have a wedding away from most of your family and friends, which eliminates a lot of people from being able to come. Is destination more important than the people you'll be leaving out?

     

    What are these "good reasons" your fiance doesn't like your dad? To me, if your fiance and your family cannot get along, this is a big, fat warning sign!

  • image painted.blue:

     

    You're choosing to have a wedding away from most of your family and friends, which eliminates a lot of people from being able to come. Is destination more important than the people you'll be leaving out?

    She has a right to choose the wedding she wants, just like the rest of us, why are you judging her on that?  Lots of couples have destination weddings these days or have you not heard?  It's a personal choice, if I could go back in time, I'd strongly consider it too.

    Maybe she wants to eliminate a lot of people for her own reasons. Focus on the problems she's dealing with, and stop stirring the pot.

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