June 2008 Weddings
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What do I say anymore?

Ugh...I have a friend, and we've been friends since high school.  She's two years older than me but she's had a tough life...dad left, two failed engagements, two children from the two engagements, family with health problems, two very close friends have passed away, etc.  We're fairly close, she was even one of my BMs.  Anyway, a couple of years ago her and another friend from our "group" started dating.  Wonderful!  They seemed to get along great.  However, about 6 months ago they started having problems.  They broke up, would get back together, break up, he said he only wanted to be friends but didn't want her to date anyone else, would call her a slut, etc.  Yeah, messy.  Its to the point where he just disgusts me and I can't stand his selfishness anymore...seriously, he didn't want to date her but always wanted to hang out and not have her date anyone else?  We're all a little too old for this.

But, whats driving me crazier is that SHE KEEPS TAKING HIM BACK!  They get back together, its roses for a few weeks, then the same thing happens again.  Its KILLING me!  She keeps calling me to whine and I'm so darn disgusted with the whole situation I just don't want to hear it anymore!  Seriously, she's acting like we're in high school and it bothers the hell out of me that her dad left and it affected her so strongly and she's allowing her two little daughters to observe a man treating her this way! 

Okay, this turned into a vent.  But seriously, what the heck should I even say to her anymore?  I'm so disgusted with them both that they're putting themselves through this.  Enough is enough!  What do I say that's not as b1tchy as "Leave me alone with this drama queen!"?


Re: What do I say anymore?

  • Maybe you could explain what you said here...it's a super bad example for her daughters! Possibly even ask what she would say to one of her little girls if they were in the same situation (because let's face it--they may very well be in the future)...Otherwise I would tell her I love her and support her but would appreciate it if she didn't discuss that situation with me anymore. Hopefully, she can respect that.
  • My best friend was in a similar relationship for 3 or 4 years. It sucked.  It was actually pretty miserable for the last year. 

    I pretty much just had to wait it out and deal with her telling me of all the drama of it.  Fortunately, for my bestfriend, there were no kids involved.  

    For me, there was no askin gher to not involved me in the drama because she was my best friend.  If it was a bit more distant friend then I would probably tell her that I don't support the relationship and I don't want to be involved in the drama anymore.

    Good luck.  It is a really awful position to be in when you don't support a friend's relationship.

  • Have you suggested that she seek counseling?  It sounds to me like she has some daddy issues and self esteem problems.  She may not be getting hit, but she is most definitely being abused.

    What if the next time she brings it up you say: The advice I've given you in the past doesn't seem to have helped.  Perhaps you should speak with a professional counselor because I just don't think I'm qualified to deal with this type of situation.  Maybe a professional would have some alternative suggestions or better ways to work through the issues you're having with [insert name of scumbag here].

    You can tell her until you're blue in the face that the guy is a jacka$$, but until she sees it for herself and is ready to stop the cycle it isn't going to help.  And she may end up resenting you.


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