June 2008 Weddings
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Waiting/undecided about babies?

Anyone else with me a ::little:: jealous reading all these posts about new or expecting mommies and daddies, but at the same time, scared to death about having babies?

For me, it has nothing to do with being scared to actually HAVE babies.  DH & I just have such a fun, wonderful life - I'm so scared to give that up  . . .I mean, I don't consider having babies a bad life, just a different life that what we have. 

And, what if, once I feel like I'm ready - what if I can't?  I know many of you are younger than I (I'm 31) so timing isn't an issue - but I totally feel my biological clock is ticking . . . but do I want to ignore it or address it?  One of my friends has been trying for 2 years now and she's a year younger than I am - and they are proceeding to artificial insemination and then possibly adoption.  I so wish I would've met DH earlier so that wouldn't be an issue, but sadly, I don't think I was ready to be a wifey before he came along.  I'm such a late bloomer. :(

Ergh.  Hope I'm making sense.  I'm a few Miller Lites deep . . .

Can anyone relate?

Re: Waiting/undecided about babies?

  • I am not in your same situation... I want kids now... but I think that some of the moms would tell you that you can still go out and have fun once you have kids... it just takes a little more planning that it does now. You won't be able to decide on the spur of the moment to go out all night, but you can still have someone babysit and go out for a few hours. If you don't feel that you are ready, then don't force yourself, obviously it is life changing... but you don't need to see it as the end of your fun life!
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  • I agree with Colleen. I think having dogs is harder as far as traveling and going out. You can't take dogs with you, but you can take kids! We have 2 inside dogs, so we can only be gone for a certain amount of time before we have to come home and let them out. We can't go on vacations unless we drive because we can't take them on the plane with us and we won't put them under a plane. So unless we have someone here to "babysit" them while we go on vacation, we usually don't go.

    I know that having kids is a life changing time, but several new moms I know said it's way easier than they thought it would be. However, they have healthy kids and wonderful husbands to help them out. It's not always going to be easy, but your life will definately not be over.

  • I think the way you feel is totally normal and the fact that you recognize it is really important.  You have to stay in tuned to how you feel about having kids - even if everyone around you is trying.  I had these very similar feelings until about a year ago.  I feel very ready to have kids but DH and I made sure we did all the things we wanted as a couple and individuals before we approached that subject.  I think that helped a lot.  I am sure your timing will be perfect - because it will be perfect when you are TOTALLY ready. 
  • I hear you.  I am 33, wanting kids yes, ready to have them not quite--but at the same time scared if we wait longer. I am having a hard time with my brother and sister-in-laws pregnancy--they're in their early 20s and told me and my sister(who is 31) that they didn't want to be old like us when they started.  I didn't meet DH until I was 30 and if i had met him earlier I wouldn't have been ready.  Jealousy is rearing its ugly head very badly in my family--my sister is upset too--they have been trying and she is mad that my brother didn't consider her feelings. My brother and SIL called me out though and i honestly explained my feelings to them(which was hard). I don't know how to deal with all these feeling sometimes.  Thanks for posting this.
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  • I feel the same way. Part of me loves reading the posts of excited newly expecting mommies and looks forward to being that excited myself. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be that excited about being a mom, though. I always assumed I would be a parent some day, but now that "some day" seems to be creeping up on me, I'm not so sure. DH is 27 and I'll be 27 in October, so we've definitely got time, but it seems like everyone around us thinks we should be expecting already. I'm really torn about what I want, but I do know that I want to be done with my masters (2010) and own a home before we get pregnant.
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  • image 678Sara:

    Anyone else with me a ::little:: jealous reading all these posts about new or expecting mommies and daddies, but at the same time, scared to death about having babies?

    For me, it has nothing to do with being scared to actually HAVE babies.  DH & I just have such a fun, wonderful life - I'm so scared to give that up  . . .I mean, I don't consider having babies a bad life, just a different life that what we have. 

    And, what if, once I feel like I'm ready - what if I can't?  I know many of you are younger than I (I'm 31) so timing isn't an issue - but I totally feel my biological clock is ticking . . . but do I want to ignore it or address it?  One of my friends has been trying for 2 years now and she's a year younger than I am - and they are proceeding to artificial insemination and then possibly adoption.  I so wish I would've met DH earlier so that wouldn't be an issue, but sadly, I don't think I was ready to be a wifey before he came along.  I'm such a late bloomer. :(

    Ergh.  Hope I'm making sense.  I'm a few Miller Lites deep . . .

    Can anyone relate?

    Yes, all of it.  Your age, your fears, everything.  Too bad this is my last week ;)  I promised DH we'd wait a year to try.  He's 3 years older than me and more ready than you can imagine.

  • I feel the same way. I am 30 now and hear my clock ticking. Also worried about waiting too long. But I know we arent ready yet. Like Crystal said about her dogs we are in the same situation with our two cats. We drive when ever we go back home to visit because I refuse to kennel my cats or take them on a plane because the cargo issues. We can usually leave them alone for one or two days with food and water if we want to go away for the weekend. Like a previous poster said I realize there are some things I want to have done before hand, but I dont think my life will be over. Just take more planning. When its the right time, it will happen.
  • Well, I'm scared for all of that too..I'm younger than you, but fertility problems run young in my family....like, late 20s young.  I don't want to wait too long, but I just don't feel ready.  DH doesn't understand how I can coo at every child under 2 we see yet not be ready....he's sooo ready its not even funny.  Honestly, I just see how DH's dad raised him and even though DH acts different than his dad I'm afraid there are hidden parts of his personality that will rear their head once we have kids and then it will be too "late."  Ugh I know that's rambling but yes, thanks for posting this, I know how you feel.
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    image Beth&Derek:
    I feel the same way. Part of me loves reading the posts of excited newly expecting mommies and looks forward to being that excited myself. I sometimes wonder if I'll ever be that excited about being a mom, though. I always assumed I would be a parent some day, but now that "some day" seems to be creeping up on me, I'm not so sure.

    This pretty much sums up how I feel - and we're basically the same age, Beth. This first year of marriage flew by and I have a feeling that the time we've tentatively planned on TTC (2012ish) will be here before we know it. I just don't feel anywhere near ready right now, but when I see all these people my age and younger having kids I feel like there's something wrong with me for not being ready, since I've always been a relatively mature and responsible person. (That sounds so dumb when I actually type it!)

  • I'm so torn right now.  I get small amounts of baby fever, especially when I see tons of cute kids.  Then I come home and shove my cat off my lap while I type.  I'm just not ready, but then I'm not getting any younger.  Jon will probably be 40 by the time we have our first, and I never wanted to be the old parents.  Considering he's 38 now, I don't have much of a choice though. 

  • I'm the exact same way. I'm 23, so I still have time, but it doesn't seem like it! We decided that if we're going to have kids, we'd like to start trying by age 28, and 4 years from now doesn't seem like that far away. I just don't know if by then, we'll be ready to give up our lifestyle. It's such a big decision, and DH and I have a lot we want to do/accomplish before having kids.

    Sometimes I feel like we'll never be ready, but then I feel like we'll regret not having kids.

    It's tough! I'm glad I'm not alone.

     

  • I am totally right there with ya.  I love reading all the expecting moms posts, etc.  I just cannot imagine that being me...and a lot of times I cannot imagine that EVER being me.  I do think I want kids at some point.  So I am hoping that when I am as close to being completely ready as possible that I will be able to envision us as parents.  It's just hard to think like that right now. 
  • image JusLyn678:
    I am totally right there with ya.  I love reading all the expecting moms posts, etc.  I just cannot imagine that being me...and a lot of times I cannot imagine that EVER being me.  I do think I want kids at some point.  So I am hoping that when I am as close to being completely ready as possible that I will be able to envision us as parents.  It's just hard to think like that right now. 

    I completely agree with you. I know I'm young now so I don't feel a rush to have children at all, but I get the fear that I might not *ever* be ready and that makes me nervous b/c we do want kids one day. We always said 26 would be a good age b/c we could be young parents. Well the H turns 25 this year and a year sounds horrifying, even 5 years sounds horrifying!

    I'm hoping that when all of my friends start families it will kickstart something in me. If we had a child right now, we would be the only ones out of our group with a baby and it would kind of be like an end to our 'fun life' as we know it. Once we all start having babies maybe it won't seem that way.

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  • I'm some what with you all. If jobs were in place and we lived closer to our parents we would probably be thinking about ttc soon or right now. But, since I'm still in school, Dh is looking for his career path, & we live an hour away from friends and family, it's probably best that we didn't until we get better situated. I know we will when I'm close to being out of school though. I'm really starting to get baby fever with Ainsley being around (my niece).

    Me and one of my bridesmaids alway talk about ttc about the same time so that our children will have "friends". One big thing we talk about is how much easier it would be if it was an accident/miracle. B/c it's hard to feel like your 100% ready and able to care for another person.

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