I'm usually a lurker, but I've reached the point of needing advice on how to deal with my mom. In some respects we have a great relationship- we like alot of the same things, and I know she means well & loves me & my kids. With that said, there are issues that are starting to feel alot bigger to me & DF, I'd appreciate input on how to move forward.
We have two children, son B is 3, daughter C is 15 months. Mom thinks that B walks on water. She spoils him like crazy. She takes him every Sunday for the day and buys him lots of gifts. She has never taken C & does not buy her much. I realize that people have favorites and that's just life, but I don't think I have to support my mother favoring one of my children over the other. It is really starting to bother DF & I that she only spends time with B.
In regards to the gifts, I have talked to her in the past about buying him less, I think she is spoiling him & it's too much. She says ok then does it anyway (he came home with 3 new toy sets today). She also gets him birthday cake every week & sings happy birthday to him (her reason- b/c he likes it!), I don't know why it bothers me but I think it's a little weird and not right.
Another issue with the gifts is that she will sometimes show up with stuff for all of us, it's not anything we need, but I feel like then it's rude of me to confront her on the other stuff that's bothering me, after receiving gifts from her.
My final major issue is that she still harbors major hostility towards my dad & his new wife (my parents have been divorced for 15 years). My dad & I didn't have the best relationship when I was growing up, but we've both worked on it & gotten closer, this does not sit well with my mom. I've learned to mention my dad as little as possible around her, but he & his wife are coming to visit in July & I know she will give me a hard time.
I feel like this is partially my fault b/c I've let it go on for so long. My mom tends to just not talk to people that don't agree with her, so while I'm strong in most situations I'm a total wimp when it comes to her. I know I need to put on my big girl panties & get over it, but how do I let her know that while these things have been ok in the past they are not any longer? Also, do you think I should not let her see our son until she's more willing to follow our rules?
Sorry this is so long. Any & all advice is appreciated and I promise not to DD!