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Tried to break up, he threatened suicide...

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Re: Tried to break up, he threatened suicide...

  • image Manther1222:

    Well...it's done...

    His mom is home tonight. Called him and told him that I felt as if this relationship was unhealthy for both us and needed to end, even if there were good things in it before.Splitting the $100 phone cancelation fee, and getting a line of my own. 

     I didn't really give him any time to talk. I just layed things out, told him he'd be recompensated and we'd trade our stuff at a future date, then hung up. He didn't have time to threaten. I hope that he is ok. 

     Thanks for all of the help, ladies. I am going to go do the stereotypical thing and eat lots and lots of chocolate. 

    You deserve lots of chocolate!  Good job, I know it's not easy.  I'm very impressed at how you handled that. You should be proud of how you handles it, take good care of yourself!

  • You HAVE to get out of this relationship. You know it's not healthy, and it's actually a really good thing that you can see that. It is not worth the emotional toll it is putting on you to stay in it, and next time you go to break up with him, you need to remember to put yourself first and stand your ground.

    Is there anyone you could make sure would look out for him (a good friend, brother)? If not, you can call the police or another authority figure and tell them you believe he is a suicide risk. Something you need to keep in mind is that he is manipulating you into staying with him. He knows you'll believe him when he says he'll kill himself, and he's using that to his advantage.

    ?I'm sorry you ended up in this situation, but I definitely wish you the best of luck in moving forward!?

    He pretty much had me at "hello".
    -- PS I agree with whatever Jeana said --
  • WahooWahoo member
    Ancient Membership 2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker

    Don't meet him alone.  If you trade stuff, do it with an older brother, dad, etc.  And if it's not a lot of things, consider writing it off.

    Good luck!

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • I'm late to this party, but had to chime in.

    I have also been in your shoes.  I won't go into details, but the man who swore he would kill himself if I ever left him is magically still alive.

    He became a stalker after that, and if possible for you, I recommend getting a roommate and a new place to live with EVERYTHING in the roommate's name.  It will be harder for him to find you like that.

    When you get a new driver's license, tell the office you don't want your information public.  In many places you can go to the DMV and find out someone's address just by asking.

    I hope it doesn't come to this for you, but I had to move 1500 miles away to finally get rid of him.

    image
  • Congrats! Keep up the good work and keep moving forward with your life. If you still want to trade stuff, take someone with you (and not a GF or your mom, take someone with some girth) and do it in a public place like inside a mall or something.

    And dig in to the chocolate. You deserve it. This is for you - I wasn't sure if you would like milk, dark or white chocolate...

    image

  • image Wahoo:

    Don't meet him alone.  If you trade stuff, do it with an older brother, dad, etc.  And if it's not a lot of things, consider writing it off.

    Good luck!

    This.  Depending on how much stuff you have of his, you might even consider mailing it to him.  If you do need to meet to exchange things, absolutely do not go alone and even consider just sending someone in your place to do the exchange.

    Stay strong - you should be very proud of yourself right now for doing what is best for you.  It may seem very difficult right now, but I promise you have done the right thing and you will soon feel so much better.

  • I have been following your story, but didn't have anything to say that was different from what you'd already heard.

    I just wanted to congratulate you on doing the right thing and handling it the right way, and tell you to hang in there. 

    Please heed the advice above about having an escort get your stuff back or just ditching it.  Even if he doesn't do anything dangerous, odds are he'll either try to use the last meeting to 1) hurt your feelings/punish you for breaking up with him or 2) convince you to get back together with him.

    Either way that meeting will be miserable for you.  Just send a friend or parent to deliver his stuff and get yours back.  You really deserve a break!!!

  • Um, OK.  Break up with him when you know for sure where he'll be, and then call the cops after he threatens to kill himself.
  • get out of this relationship now! It's unhealthy and is bound to crash & burn.  Plus, with the whole suicide thing...you are NOT responsible for his actions, and he's just trying to guilt you and get negative attention.
    ~ Carrie ~
  • Please, please, follow the advice that was given! GL!
  • image casmgn:
    You are in a very unhealthy relationship.  His threatening suicide is very manipulative.  It's okay to break up with him - if he threatens suicide, call the police in his town and tell them you think he is in danger.  Beyond that, you need to put yourself first and remove yourself from the situation.

    exactly Yes

  • Are you still with us? Wondering how you're doing.
  • This happened with my ex bf when I tried to break up with him.  Looking back I can now see that he was controlling and manipulating me, but I know it's hard to see when you're actually in the situation.

    I was dropping him off at home after we'd hung out at my parent's house that evening and as we pulled up to his house, I tried to break up with him.  He said to me "Well fine, I might as well just kill myself, then."  Then he got out of the car and started walking away, I rolled down my window and screamed at him to get back in the car with me.  He did.  We talked for a long time and he kept threatening suicide.  I ended up bringing him back to my parent's house and he slept on the office floor for the night.

    Looking back, I wish I hadn't allowed him to manipulate me like that.  He wasn't going to committ suicide, but I couldn't just leave and hope he didn't.  We stayed together for a while after that.  At least 6 months.

    Please don't allow this man to manipulate you the way I was manipulated.  I wish that someone had given me the advice that you are getting on here.  I didn't even think to just call the police and have them handle it.  I so wish someone had told me to do that.

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  • i'm sorry that you are dealing with that situation. ?i agree with a lot of the other pp's that this isn't really a healthy relationship that you are in. ?

    breaking up with him then calling the police to let them know that there is a suicidal person is an option (that happened to my neighbor.... trust me, they do come and handle it)... but it sounds like he definitely needs some help and needs to work on himself (i'm talking about a psychiatrist kind of help, i think that guy might need some major meds)?

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