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how to handle temper tantrums?

what do you do with your child to calm them down when having a temper tantrum. ours kicks, cries & screams & its getting very frusturating. suggestions.

Re: how to handle temper tantrums?

  • We put dd in her bed(she is still in her crib). ?This way she is safe and we can shut the door until she calms down.

    When we are out, one of us immediately takes her to the car.?

  • I found the less attention I paid to DD when she'd throw a tantrum, the faster the tantrum ended. At most I'll say something very quietly, but I will not follow her to see if she's okay--I know she's okay (she usually runs to her room and slams the door), so I will keep doing whatever I'm doing or I'll sit down. Within a minute or two, she's out playing like normal or doing whatever it was I asked her to do initially.

    We're still working on the throwing things when she's frustrated though. 

  • Removing them from the situation is the best thing to do. If it is putting them in their high chair, crib, pack n play. I did this w/ dd #1 when she would calm down then I would let her go back to playing.

  • I used to nanny....when they would do this, I would go to the other room and loudly play with their toys and say how much fun I was having! ?When they'd finally come in and ask me if they could play I'd say only if they were going to play nicely. ?Took me one try with one girl I watched. ?With the other little boy it was hard to get him to stop once he started, just figured out what triggered it and would try to prevent it. ?He got upset when we'd switch suddenly to a new activity, go somewhere else, so I learned to give him lots of options and warning ("do you want to go to the park or the library? ?when do you want to go? and then give a 10 min, 5 min, 2 min warning).?

    image "...Saving just one pet won't change the world...but, surely, the world will change for that one pet..."
  • image steve&heather:

    We're still working on the throwing things when she's frustrated though.?

    ah yes, we are working on this as well.?

  • image kmlluvnmh:

    We put dd in her bed(she is still in her crib).  This way she is safe and we can shut the door until she calms down.

    When we are out, one of us immediately takes her to the car. 

    wow your still able to keep her in a crib? DS learned how to climb out of his crib at 11 months. We had to put him in a toddler bed when he turned one because I was afraid he was really going to get himself hurt.

  • We don't respond to it. I would place him in a safe area in the house and tell him that I will not give him attention when he is acting like that. Usually, after realizing that I was serious, he usually stopped.
  • My experience is that there are two kinds of tantrums.

    The first is the "I've just had enough" tantrum.  In this case there is an underlying reason for the tantrum, probably that the child is just overtired, frustrated, overwhelmed, what have you.  Then there's also a trigger for the tantrum, which is probably something the child wants or wants to do that you've said "no" to.  The key is to realize that the answer to the tantrum is not to give in on whatever thing was the trigger, but to address the underlying thing. 

    Like if you've been at the zoo all afternoon, and it's hot, and your child sees another kid with a souvenir animal-shaped lemonade cup and asks for it and you say no, and a tantrum results, the trigger is the animal cup, but the underlying reason is exhaustion from a big outing.  The best thing to do is to ignore the crying, strap the child into the carseat, get the car moving, and the child will probably fall asleep pretty quickly and not remember the cup when he/she wakes up (or at least be more rational about not getting it after a nap!)  Don't engage in a big conversation/argument about why you can't wait in the long line for a $5 sippy cup with 8 ounces of lemonade in it while it's getting toward rush hour and you have to get home soon.  That makes the child believe that there's a possibility the tantrum is working!  Just get away from that situation as fast as possible!

    The second kind is the manipulative tantrum.  This kind happens if you have EVER ONCE given in to the other kind of tantrum.  The best case is to recognize it as a manipulative tantrum and monitor your child's safety, but don't respond in any other way.  Every once in a while say, "My answer is no.  When you're ready to stop crying and talk like a big girl/boy, we'll do something fun."

     

  • image Mrs.Robinson2010:
    image kmlluvnmh:

    We put dd in her bed(she is still in her crib). ?This way she is safe and we can shut the door until she calms down.

    When we are out, one of us immediately takes her to the car.?

    wow your still able to keep her in a crib? DS learned?how to climb out of his crib at 11 months. We had to put him in a toddler bed when he turned?one because I was afraid he was really going to get himself hurt.

    yes, we are very thankful that she is still in there. ?It won't be long now before she climbs out...she has tried but only when she is super pissed off.?

  • ignore them


  • image kmlluvnmh:
    image steve&heather:

    We're still working on the throwing things when she's frustrated though. 

    ah yes, we are working on this as well. 

     

    I'm preparing to take the next step, she's not listening to us when we tell her we don't like it that she throws her toys/cup/etc. I'm going to start taking whatever she throws away for a while or I'm going to start tossing it right into the trash. She doesn't like it when her stuff goes away, so it might work a little better. *crosses fingers*

  • image steve&heather:
    image kmlluvnmh:
    image steve&heather:

    We're still working on the throwing things when she's frustrated though.?

    ah yes, we are working on this as well.?

    ?

    I'm preparing to take the next step, she's not listening to us when we tell her we don't like it that she throws her toys/cup/etc. I'm going to start taking whatever she throws away for a while or I'm going to start tossing it right into the trash. She doesn't like it when her stuff goes away, so it might work a little better. *crosses fingers*

    oh yeah, we are doing the throwing away stuff, especially when she throws her crayons. ?It works pretty well.

  • The first step is removing triggers.  My dd only had one temper tantrum while growing up - after a long day at daycare, I drove 1 hour home with her, then took her to the grocery store.  BIG MISTAKE!  I left the store (told the grocer that I had to go so the food wouldn't sit and spoil in my cart), and took her home.  DH brought Boston Chicken home that night for dinner!  I think he had to stop at the grocery store, too, b/c one of the things I was picking up was diapers.  Never again did I put my dd through a loooooong day.  I would go to the store BEFORE picking them up from daycare.  Make sure your kids are rested and not hungry or hot.  They can only take so much!

    Second, a big cause of tantrums is their lack of ability to communicate.  DS had more tantrums, b/c he was not as verbal and got frustrated a lot more easily (or we were not able to understand him, which led to more bouts of frustration).  I would get down to eye level with him (crouching or kneeling), and try to hug him and ask what he wanted - then give it to him (it was always food, rest, a drink - never toys or treats).  Often I would leave a place and get in the car.  Not as a punishment ("we'll have to leave if you can't behave!" but b/c it was a familiar place where they could calm down.  Even offering a drink of water helped me. 

    People are always saying that kids who have temper tantrums are spoiled, have learned to play their parents to get what they want.  I always felt the opposite - my kids had tantrums b/c there was something wrong, and I tried to fix that.  They are now older and don't have tantrums, and wouldn't think of using a tantrum to "get their way." 

  • At home I use to toss a cold glass of water on them and walk away.

    When out pick them up and walk out to the car and head home. When we get home they either go into their rooms or if they are still having a tantrum out comes the water.

  • When out and about with you children please please please do not just ignore your childrens tantrums. Be kind to other shoppers and pick them up and leave.  Why should I have to listen to your childs tantrum.
  • My #2 child was my hardest one to deal with.  Ignoring it is best but can become hard.  You know once when he threw a big fit i picked him up and took him to a mirror.  I sat with him there till he stopped and looked in the mirror and said "look what you look like when you do that, it's so sad".

    He stopped right away and seemed very amazed at how he looked.  Mine are all older now but from time to time when they get upset I'll ask them how they think they look right now...this works perfect in public.

    Just doing something different can help. 

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