Trouble in Paradise
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Update to domestic assault

So I found out today the DA is going to press charges because of H's violent history. The assistant DA called and agreed that he thought something was not right in this situation. Paperwork should be finalized Monday. H is going to hate me, but it's really for his own good. I feel so bad, but he could do it to anyone including our son. I just hope he understands. I've told him several times lately that I don't want to hurt him. I wish the therapy and anger management would open up his mind that something wasn't right, but to this day he is still 100% he is not working on anything. I'm starting to get scared on how he will react, especially since he will likely be arrested and quite possibly lose his job.

Re: Update to domestic assault

  • image boomersooner16:
    I'm starting to get scared on how he will react, especially since he will likely be arrested and quite possibly lose his job.

    Yeah, well, he ought to be arrested.

  • I'm sorry that you are going through all this!  I really have no advice but remember that it is what is best for you and your son at this point and the DA has taken it out of your hands.  Forget about what your husband is going to think and think about what is best for you and your DS.

    :::HUGS:::

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  • image OMG Guinea Pigs!!:

    image boomersooner16:
    I'm starting to get scared on how he will react, especially since he will likely be arrested and quite possibly lose his job.

    Yeah, well, he ought to be arrested.

    ITA

  • Are you in therapy? Because feeling sad for his miserable abusive ass should be the least of your concerns.

     



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  • image hindsight's_a_biotch:

    Are you in therapy? Because feeling sad for his miserable abusive ass should be the least of your concerns.

     

     Have been for awhile. I guess when he acts "nice" is when I feel bad.

  • Are you in therapy with him or alone?


    Click me, click me!
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  • image boomersooner16:
    image hindsight's_a_biotch:

    Are you in therapy? Because feeling sad for his miserable abusive ass should be the least of your concerns.

     

     Have been for awhile. I guess when he acts "nice" is when I feel bad.

    Yeah, ALL abusers do that.  The dude who used to rape me was extremely "nice" too -  "being nice" is just something people do, usually to get something and to manipulate others.  "Nice" is not a personality trait.

  • I hope you're on your way to a divorce, and not a reconciliation with this guy with puppy & rainbow dreams that he's going to be all better after this. 

    I hope you and the DA also decide to keep your son AWAY from him.

  • I totally agree with OMG GP. Abusers know when to turn on the charm. What you should be worried about right now is yourself and your son. Trust me, he will not "understand" when they cuff him and throw him in jail. It's going to take a long time for him to really get it.
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  • Is there a DV advocate in your area that can set you up with resources for you and your son?  In my county, there is a special advocate that works in the DA's office to help you.   If not, call a DV hotline and see what resources are available for you.  Even if you think you're "ok" - they might be able to provide you with $ for setting up a new home, therapy for your child, legal advice for a divorce, etc.
  • He deserves to reap the consequences of his actions.    You shouldn't feel bad.   He's an adult.   He knows right from wrong.   You need to continue to stand up for yourself and for your son. 

    I do have to make one point though.   In your original Domestic Abuse post, you said this: 

    It's crazy how the law works. I'm 5'1 100 lbs and he's 5'6 190 lbs. To an everyday human, men don't touch women, especially your wife. If it was a man who slapped him, sure, fight away.

    I think that is a dangerous attitude to have, and I don't agree.   While I will agree that a man should never hit a woman, even with provocation, I DON'T think that gives a woman free license to hit a man.     You are just as guilty of assault/battery as he is.    It doesn't matter that you're tiny and didn't inflict serious damage.   The law applies equally across the board.    I think you should also get some help so that you never hit a man again. 

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