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I need to vent.

As some of you may or may not know, I am planning a bridal shower for FSIL.  Originally I wanted it to be a very proper, cute brunch shower, but we couldn't find a time to do it when we were all available during brunch time on a weekend, so it got moved to a 2 p.m. "munchies" type shower.  Fine, I understand that people have different schedules and these things don't always work out.

So then SIL decides we should serve fondu, this is after everyone has already signed up to bring specific food items.  Fine.  I'm still bringing devilled eggs, I don't know who is doing the fondu stuff, but I'm not and as far as I'm concerned neither of the other bridesmaids are, unless she spoke to her sister about it.  Whatever.

So then this weekend just past was her "family" shower and SIL decided we should do a Las Vegas theme, since she wanted to go there for her bachelorette party but she won't get to go because none of us are going with her.  Fine, I say, but it's kind of late to be deciding on shower themes now.  She says she will take care of it.  Then, I get this email from her saying she had this brilliant idea to invite some guys over to dress up like Chip n Dale dancers and serve hors doeurves.  (Uh...what hors doeurves???  I thought we were doing fondu.)

I spoke to FSIL a while ago when she told me that her family's shower was going to be a surprise and she wished it wasn't because she wanted to be prepared (look nice, etc.)  I agreed with her and basically told her I was having a shower for her.  Last week I got an email from MIL (who is not even involved in this thing other than we're having it at her place) saying that we can pretend we're having BIL and DH's birthdays (they're born a day apart) and that way FSIL will come over and not suspect anything.  I emailed her back explaining that FSIL didn't want a surprise shower and I was planning on telling her when the shower was.  MIL said Okay and I thought that was the end of it.

Now I get an email from BIL (the groom) saying that we're going to tell her that we're celebrating birthdays that day (basically same thing as MIL sent us) so I told him I got the same email from MIL a while ago and that I was going to tell her because that's what she told me she wanted.  Then I just get a reply from him saying "Oh well just disregard what she says and make it a surprise.  She'll like it."

AAAAHHHHHHHHH!  I seriously want to send an email to everyone telling them to plan the shower themselves and I'll send the invitations and bring the devilled eggs and they can do everything else themselves.

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Re: I need to vent.

  • Others may not agree, but I would tell her anyways.  I had a friend who made me promise never to throw her a surprise shower and asked me to ruin the surprise if I had to.  So when we were throwing her baby shower everyone wanted it to be a suprise.  I couldn't convice them that that wasn't what she wanted, so I told her about it.  In the end, the others girls decided to tell her so it wasn't a big deal, but if they had wanted to keep it a surprise she would have known because I already told her.

     

  • I think he feels guilty because he spoiled the surprise of her family's shower and wants to fix it by making this one a surprise.

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  • Maybe I am oldfashioned but when does the bride get to decided things about her shower???  I understand about the whole suprise part but picking the theme and food?  I think she should have more say in her bachlorette party, but a shower I don't think so.

    I am sorry you are going through this.  Just remember that the wedding is coming and then you will be done with all of it!

  • Devon, IMO I wouldn?t tell her.

     

    No offence to you but your FSIL is psycho [not always but who know when it "turns on"] & this is how I see it pan out: You tell her about the surprise, she then tells everyone on the day that you told her, family & friends get angry, you say it?s because she asked for no surprises, she denies not wanting a surprise and you get blamed for it all!

     

    Slowly.step.away. If they want themes, let them do it. You do what you said you were going to do, if they want more let them fall on their own faces.

     

    I know this is putting additional unnecessary stress on you but keep thinking that it?s almost over!

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  • image jaymz_f:

    Maybe I am oldfashioned but when does the bride get to decided things about her shower???  I understand about the whole suprise part but picking the theme and food?  I think she should have more say in her bachlorette party, but a shower I don't think so.

    I am sorry you are going through this.  Just remember that the wedding is coming and then you will be done with all of it!

    Oh, sorry, I think you got confused.  FSIL is the one the shower is for.  SIL is my DH's sister who is also a bridesmaid in the wedding and trying to take over planning of the shower.

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  • I don't know when this shower is.. maybe I'm confused but it sounded like it was soon. 

    To me, this planning should have been done MONTHS ago... but maybe that's just me.

    I'd let whoever wants to plan it, plan it and tell FSIL whatever they want her to hear.  If I was you, I'd bring your deviled eggs and tell them you got a project at work that is keeping you busy extra hours so you can't plan the shower anymore.

     

  • image onetier:

    If I was you, I'd bring your deviled eggs and tell them you got a project at work that is keeping you busy extra hours so you can't plan the shower anymore.

    Oooooh...I like this idea!

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  • gah...So glad I'm not involved in the planning - you must be so annoyed with everyone by this point!

    Tell her. If I were the bride, and had told you I didn't want a surprise, I'd expect that you'd give me the heads up.

    It sounds like everyone else wants a surprise for their own entertainment, but they're forgetting it's about the bride.

  • Am I the only one *not* surprised that everything surrounding this wedding is a gong show? Good luck Devon!
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