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I feel a bit sad for Josh :(

So when we had Joshua, most people were super excited about our little boy and showered him with gifts and attention, except my mom, she seemed excited but she never flew out here to see him after he was born and never even sent him anything when he was born.  I know it is not about the gifts but the rest of our families were so excited they wanted to do so much for him/us and we really appreciated it.  The moment we told MIL I was pg with J she said Congratulations, gave us a huge hug and said "I am buying your stroller".  We were so grateful, all of our other parents/ grandparents same thing.  My mom's ex even sent something for J for the Christmas before he was born, yet my mom sent nothing nor did she come and see him.  In fact she didn't see him until the October after he was born when I flew down there to see her and have since brought him back two more times and still no visit out here (she hasn't only been to see me once in the 9 years that I lived here.

Anyways, now that we know we are having a girl, my mom is so excited, going shopping and planning on spoiling her and is planning on coming for a visit.  She wants to be here in September but I told her she had to wait until November.  DH is in school (for 8 weeks) starting in September and my mom drives him crazy (me as well).  She isn't happy that I told her to wait so long but I want time as a family first.  Anyways, I know that J won't know but I feel like he is less important to her and she is way more excited about having a granddaughter.  J is my favourite little man and I just am hurt that my mom is already not treating them equally.

I will say my dad/stepmother and MIL on the other hand are just as excited for this Abby as they were for J, MIL has already bought us another stroller (it's her thing!) she loves being a grandmother and is making up for all the things that her parents weren't able to do with DH because they were too sick.

Anyways, just needed to get that off my chest because it has been bothering me.  Thanks

Proud Mama to two sweet kiddos.

Re: I feel a bit sad for Josh :(

  • Aww, I am sorry. I can just imagine how hurtful that must be. A child is such a blessing, it really doesn't matter whether it's a boy or girl and I don't know how people can't realize that.

    How's Joshua doing since he got the tubes put in? Has he had any further ear infection? Alex has had 3 in a two months span (pretty much back to back), so if he gets one or two more back to back like this, pedi recommended the tube. Also, how many did he have before doing the tube?

  • CBLCBL member

    I'm sorry, that sucks for you and Josh. 

    My SIL deals with this with her mother.  She's gotten to the point where she tells her things like "yes, you can come over and visit, but not right now.  You have to wait until Daughter is home from school" so you can see all three of your grandchildren.  Same with gifts.  She tells her she doesn't need to bring presents, but if she does, she needs to make sure she has something for all three kids.  

    Maybe you need to talk to your mom about this.  It doesn't seem like she's around very much, but if she is, it's definitely something Joshua will pick up on once he's a bit older.  

  • so sorry that she's like that. I can relate a little bit. its definitely not fair, and not cool. *hugs*

    I know that my mom has said that when ppl visit with gifts for our new baby, she will have a stash of lil prezzies for Noah, bc the older child can feel totally left out already - so when baby is gettin presents, so could your older guy.

    again, hugs.

  • imageMrs.Rachel:

    I know that my mom has said that when ppl visit with gifts for our new baby, she will have a stash of lil prezzies for Noah, bc the older child can feel totally left out already - so when baby is gettin presents, so could your older guy.

    again, hugs.

     Ditto, when my niece was born a few weeks ago, I also bought presents for my other niece and nephew to ensrue they don't feel left out. I also plan on having stash gifts for when our new baby comes, so that Alex doesn't feel left out.

  • Awww Trish, I am so sorry.  I realize how hurtful it is to have family members treat one child different from others, we have dealt with this as well not with grandparents just with siblings (aunties and uncles)

    I TOTALLY agree with Cloud999, a child is a mircle, a true blessing and it should not matter what the gender of the baby is, boy or girl, they should be loved equally.  You are going to have another beautiful baby that will be loved so much and J is going to be an amazing big brother. 

     

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  • I will never understand how anybody can be more excited over having one sex than another.  It just boggles my mind.

    I think you should discuss this with your mom.  It's really unfair that she's so excited about this baby and wasn't about J.  Maybe she doesn't realize she's acting like this and can change so that she won't act that way anymore when J can actually tell she's favouring his sister over him.

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  • I'm sorry, that really is unfair. Like Devon said, I don't understand how people can feel dissapointed by a baby of a certain sex, it's really sad.
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  • Wow, that is really unfair and ridiculous.  Good for you though for telling her when she can come.  People need to realize that things need to work around your life when your family is expanding, not theirs.  Especially since she didn't come to see Josh, she certainly can't dictate when she is coming to see this baby.
  • Thanks everyone, I should add that my mom lives in Ottawa and I am in Edmonton so while it still takes effort for her to come and see me it took a considerable amount of effort for me to take Josh out there three times.
    Proud Mama to two sweet kiddos.
  • Sorry Trish. That sucks!

    I worry sometimes too that some of my family will be disappointed if we have another boy next time. It makes no sense for people to be that way.

  • I'm so sorry that your mom is like that Trish. Ther ereally isn't much you can do other than just try to igrone the way she acts and focus on all of the wonderful effort and attention that your MIL gives the kids.  Also, just be thankful that the nice grandma lives here so that will be the memory that J and A will have. 

    BTW, I can totally relate b/c my MIL is the exact same way.  She acted excited about Julian but then didn't bother to come and visit him(she lives in Montreal) until he was 18 months  old. The reason was that babies can't interact so why bother to come early.  For his birthday this year, she sent Julian a card 3 weeks late and absolutley NO gift!  I agree with you that it is not about the gifts but when I hear from my SIL that our nephews are lavished with gifts all of the time, I find it really hurtful, that she treats Julian that way.

    When we told her that I am pg with her 1st granddaughter, she seems very excited again but yet no mention of coming to visit or anything.  All she said was that she was going to send the baby all of DH's sister's baby clothes that she has been keeping for the last 30 yrs!  Knowing her, she is probably just trying to clean out her basement so what a better way than to send us her junk.

    It's hard to believe that my MIL is the mother of 4 kids b/c to me she has no motherly instinct at all.

  • I understand people being excited for a specific sex [e.g. family friend has 3 boys and is now having a girl ? everyone is very excited] but to be disappointed? It?s weird?I always wanted a little girl but I would LOVE it if I had all boys. lol

     

    We too bring gifts to the other siblings and also the mom! Nothing BIG but to let them know we think of them too.

     

    I?m sorry your going through this, a talk with your mom isn?t such a bad idea.

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