So I finally got the Complaint Call from Crazy just now, in which she explained how rude she thought we all were, leaving her behind repeatedly on St George Street and how she "genuinely just wanted to show [us] the stores", and here I was biting her head off. I said the reason I bit her head off when I came back to fetch her at Savannah Sweets was for this reason right here: that I knew, at that moment, she would call within the week and lay me out about "walking too fast" and "leaving her behind" and "being rude" and "all she wanted to do was be allowed to shop like everyone else", rather than what she was really doing, which was dragging her feet to make herself look pathetic and have us all running around after her like baby ducks, wondering what would please her to do next, until she declared that she was done shopping and then we'd all be allowed to leave. This is what happens every OTHER time.
She of course hates it when I predict her behavior and blew up at that, asking how I could possibly assume such a horrible thing (despite the fact that it was currently happening), to which I replied that I wasn't new.
She claims we can all improve our behavior and get along without having to cut off trips entirely. Then she sat in silence, waiting for my apology. She's still waiting.
I suppose what I should be thankful for is that she only took 3 days to spin her crap into gold. Heaven only knows what she would have made it sound like if she'd taken til the weekend to work on it. It would probably have been the solution to the country's economic problems and I, being the evil hag that I am, have now dashed it in twain, leaving the country to founder in recession, or something equally dramatic involving Jesus.