Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Re: s/o of the "I DO" post

  • Nice... They picked him apart!  That was a ridiculous article.
  • That was great. I'm impressed that she took the time to make a counterargument, when it was rather hard to know where to begin dissembling that pile of poop.

    I think this is my favorite bit:

    Marriage actually works best as a formative institution, not an institution you enter once you think you?re fully formed. We learn marriage, just as we learn language, and to the teachable, some lessons just come easier earlier in life.

    First of all, the unformed nature of younger people is why youthful relationships fall apart so easily.  You grow as individuals, and odds are that you will grow apart.  If you marry when more fully formed, you can find someone you know you?re compatible with.

    But I?d suggest that Regnerus, especially since he advises that only women marry young and therefore that they marry men significantly older, is not saying that people should be formed by marriage.  He?s saying women should be.  And the form that forming will take is obvious---the more malleable you are, the more likely you are to give into the pressure to be the support system for you husband, to give up your hopes and dreams to support his.  The problem with older women (well, not problem---I?d say solution!) is that they are set in their ways, and that means they have more bargaining power in their relationships.  

  • EXACTLY Ibis.  And this is someone using an actual argument, not just p!ssing and moaning about the "good ol' days," in her article.

    I still can't think of a single good reason to marry young, and "We can grow up together!!"  sure as hell isn't it.

  • Oh, I love this article -- such a good response to the original. Thanks for posting it.
  • I thought it was fantastic....everything I wish I'd thought of to say rather than "Are you NUTS?!?!?!" in response to the original article : ?)
    image "...Saving just one pet won't change the world...but, surely, the world will change for that one pet..."
  • image ibis:

    That was great. I'm impressed that she took the time to make a counterargument, when it was rather hard to know where to begin dissembling that pile of poop.

    I think this is my favorite bit:

    Marriage actually works best as a formative institution, not an institution you enter once you think you?re fully formed. We learn marriage, just as we learn language, and to the teachable, some lessons just come easier earlier in life.

    First of all, the unformed nature of younger people is why youthful relationships fall apart so easily.  You grow as individuals, and odds are that you will grow apart.  If you marry when more fully formed, you can find someone you know you?re compatible with.

    But I?d suggest that Regnerus, especially since he advises that only women marry young and therefore that they marry men significantly older, is not saying that people should be formed by marriage.  He?s saying women should be.  And the form that forming will take is obvious---the more malleable you are, the more likely you are to give into the pressure to be the support system for you husband, to give up your hopes and dreams to support his.  The problem with older women (well, not problem---I?d say solution!) is that they are set in their ways, and that means they have more bargaining power in their relationships.  

      Yes
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