So I've been having some concerns lately that are probably 100% normal for someone who's approaching their wedding date, however I wanted to get some opinions.
FI and I are getting married in November, and we'll have been together almost 6 years by that time. We have lived together since May of last year. We've always had a very strong relationship, and since we moved in together and got engaged it's only gotten stronger.
My parents divorced when I was 7, after almost 22 years of marriage. My father had an affair with his secretary, came home one day and told my mother he just wasn't happy anymore and he wanted a divorce. ( I didn't find any of this out until I was 18) Both parents are re-married now(to different people), each for almost 15 years and completely in love and will probably be married to their spouses for the rest of their lives.
Nobody really get's divorces on FI's side of the family. His parents have been happily married for 25 years and have (from what I can tell) a wonderful marriage. Same with his grandparents and they're going on 55 years.
We found out yesterday that his cousin is getting a divorce after 5 years of marriage. This was shocking to FI, although I saw it coming-call it woman's intuition. His whole family is going to be heartbroken when they find out. He said he didn't know the details, but from what he understood she was just tired of his job/career/family business which involved a lot of travel being more important than his marriage and I guess enough was enough. That's all either of us really know. FI kind of had the attitude of "well, if it wasn't working out..." And that bothered me a little bit.
So, enough back story. FI and I have always had a very open, honest relationship and we talk a lot about marriage, divorce, relationships, etc. We've always agreed that we didn't think divorce was an option, and that if we take vows, they're forever. But, I also notice when we talk about people we know getting divorces, or divorce in general he can be really casual about it and make comments like "well, if they want out what are they supposed to do? Stay in an unhappy relationship?" Comments like that lead me to believe he doesn't understand the full extent of how much work marriage is really going to be, even though we both talk about it all the time. I realize that you can talk about it all the time, but you won't understand until you experience it. But I think in any marriage there will be times when one or both people aren't happy and they'll have to work extra hard, but I think there is a huge difference in those ups and downs, and reaching the point of no return-like my father obviously did.
We made an agreement after we got engaged that if at any time throughout our marriage someone wasn't happy and suggested counseling that we would go without any questions asked, so I don't understand why when it comes to conversations about divorce he doesn't seem as against it as I thought he was. And I could be completely reading into little things he's saying because I over analyze things like crazy. He's said before that it's easy to talk about divorce like that when it's someone else, because he doesn't ever see that being us. I guess I just worry that what if that IS us. That's just my female side I suppose.
I love him with all my heart, and I know I'm in this for the long haul and I know (well, I think I know) how much work it will be. I know FI is in this for the long haul too, but I guess sometimes I just have the normal fears of "what if" he decides to give up when it gets tough. :-/ And I guess hearing his attitude about divorce sometimes brings those fears to the surface for me.
Did anyone else feel like this before they got married? Or after? Or hell, now?
TIA ladies and sorry it was so awfully long.