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Sort of a sticky situation

Now, we are in the process of a wedding and getting a house right. But here is the dad!

Now to make a long story short, my dad doesn't have a place to stay because he's just got of prison after christmas. And, the home (my grandma's place) that he was staying in is up for forclosure. We have to do the long process of remodeling the house to kept it up to date.So....He was thinking about having my dad stay in the basement of the house and we would get the rest of it. But I was thinking that we would a "house with restrictions" because of dad moving in. I'm really at a lost?

Re: Sort of a sticky situation

  • If he is not going to be staying that long I would say go for it as long as your fiancee is ok with it
  • This will be a sticky situation. It's never a good idea to have a relative live with you. And factor in your father has just gotten out of prison.

    Why can't your father live in a halfway house or, if money is a problem, live at the Y or the Salvation Army or a conventional apartment, but have a roommate or two?

    If you choose to have him live with you, you'll have to have rules: he  pays room and board, he follows your house rules with no questions asked and he keeps the basement neat and clean -- and if he comes upstairs to use the kitchen, he cleans up after he prepares meals and eats.



  • GBCKGBCK member
    Ancient Membership Combo Breaker

    Yoiu know your YOU want him to move in?

    will he be paying rent?

    will he move out in a timely manner or simply sponge off you indefinately?

    Is he going to get int trouble and/or bring 'trouble' (whatever the 'trouble' was that got him in prioson in the first place coming to mind) into your house?

    what has dad done to find himself a place to stay?

  • He doesn't have a place to stay becuase he doesn't have any money for rent.  That's really the point, right?  Becuase that's what adults do, get a job and an apartment they can afford, even a room somewhere and pay rent. That's not what you describe for your father.

    I would only provide housing for a family member for medical reasons.

    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
  • MUD.

    If not, for god's sake run. Moving into your grandparent's foreclosed home with your excon dad and your fi? Please. I can't count how many ways this is stoooooooooooooooopid. It's exponentially stupid. You really want to have your dad's excon friends coming over? You really want to be in a spot where you and fi support him ? (tell me your fi has a job). You really want to keep house with Daddy and Mr.RightNow?

    Stop. It is not your job to rescue the sucky adults in your life.

  • Depends...will he be on parole? What was he convicted of?

     If he's on parole all common areas (kitchen, living room, bathroom, basement etc) will be subject to search by a police officer and/or parole officer anytime with no warrant and no probable cause.  Are you and DH ok with that?

  • Can you afford to get your grandparents' house out of foreclosure?  In these times I think a lot of people are returning to multigenerational living arrangements.  It does have benefits -- built in childcare if the parents / grandparents are spry enough & trustworthy enough.

    As for dad, it depends.  You know him & you know why he was in prison.  Was this a long time coming or a 1 shot deal?  I'd be more inclined to move in if this was a white collar crime than if it was systemic & based on a drug or alcohol dependence which he might fall back into bad habits which could endanger everyone. 

    How does FI feel about this?  Do your granparents want dad in their house?  Does dad have a meaningful opportunity to get some kind of work & stay straight?

  • It seems clear that dad was living with grandparent/s already, and his presence did not save them from foreclosure.

    If you want to buy the house, buy the house, free and clear title, from the foreclosure company, so that it is clear who gets equity, has rights to sell/ownership, who can throw who out. But honestly, I'd run screaming from this deal.

  • Remeber also that there are residency laws. In Ohio if someone lives at an address, and receives mail there for more than 90 days, that is their legal residence. You have to formally evict them which takes money and at least 90 days. You may not be in a position to just kick him out once you let him move in.
  • What house are you buying?  Your grandma's place?  Another than needs remodeling?
    My darling daughter just turned 4 years old.
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