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Read Hubby's email...

So, we just closed on a house yesterday.  We had been emailing the realtors/bank through my husband's email.  He was fine with me opening and reading them since they were for both of our eyes.  He even leaves his email open at home for me. 

 Anyways, I saw an email from one of his "mentors" from his previous job.  I don't know why, but I clicked on it.  Bad idea.  His mentor was talking about how bad the economy was and how he would stay renting (what we are doing right now) for a few years before buying.  An hour after we closed, my husband responds with "I would rather rent for a while but the wife is sick of the house.  At least I got a good interest rate." 

This REALLY hurt me.  I thought we had decided this together??  Should I tell him I read his email, or try to keep it to myself?

Re: Read Hubby's email...

  • Eh, personally, I wouldn't make issue over it.  There are times that I will fully support and go along w/ DH on something, but that if it were entirely left up to me, I would do it differently.  Doesn't mean I regret it, doesn't mean I didn't want to do it his way.  I just have some other thoughts on it. 

    Heck- what we named our DS!  It was really DH's choice.  It's a name I would never have chosen myself.  But he REALLY likes the name and I wasn't adverse to it.  So after I thought about it, I decided "Eh- I'll go w/ what DH likes!".  The name grew on me and I really like it.  But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't still say "it wasn't my first choice".

    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
    ~Benjamin Franklin

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10

  • image JAM 031508:

    So, we just closed on a house yesterday.  We had been emailing the realtors/bank through my husband's email.  He was fine with me opening and reading them since they were for both of our eyes.  He even leaves his email open at home for me. 

     Anyways, I saw an email from one of his "mentors" from his previous job.  I don't know why, but I clicked on it.  Bad idea.  His mentor was talking about how bad the economy was and how he would stay renting (what we are doing right now) for a few years before buying.  An hour after we closed, my husband responds with "I would rather rent for a while but the wife is sick of the house.  At least I got a good interest rate." 

    This REALLY hurt me.  I thought we had decided this together??  Should I tell him I read his email, or try to keep it to myself?

    THIS IS THE REASON YOU SHOULDN'T LOOK AT STUFF LIKE THAT.   
  • This is a really tough spot to be in, and I am not sure I have "good" advice for you. ?I would be really hurt after reading something like that too. ?I don't know how I would approach talking to him about it, but ultimately, I would need to come clean. ?I would apologize profusely for reading an email that wasn't intended for me, but i would admit to doing it, and then tell him how hurt I was that he felt pressured into buying the house. ?Ultimately open honest communication is what it will take to get past this situation...on BOTH of your parts. ?Be prepared, he may be hurt/angry that you read his email. ?Definitely don't get angry at him for feeling the way he does, just tell him how hurt you are that you felt he wasn't honest with you.

    Again, this is just what I would do if I were in your situation, but maybe others would tell you to just leave it alone? ?My dh and I talk about everything and I wouldn't care if he opened and read any of my emails and vice versa, so I'm thinking if your dh left the email open for you, he must not either, but again, that's just how my dh is.

    ?Good luck!?

  • Ooh, be careful reading stuff that is not really meant for you.

     I agree with a previous response that just because he probably would not have done it if it was entirely up to him doesn't mean that he is angry about it or resentful or that he won't be more happy once he gets moved in too. 

     Part of being married is making compromises and sometimes doing things you're not crazy about so that your spouse is happy. 

     Both me and my husband are thinking about going back to school for further degrees so our careers can advance. While neither one of us is thrilled with all the loans... we've got each other's back because it will make us happier. 

    Another (less serious) example is that my DH didn't exactly like dogs before I met him. But I had one at my parents house. They kept it when we got married and I moved out. And because I was going through a hard time and was kind of down, and because he knew I missed having a pet - we got a puppy. Now he COMPLETLEY loves her and knows that it was one of the best decisions we made. Even though he didn't really want to and it was entirely for me at the time. 

     You can't always completely agree, but you CAN always try to make the other happy. 

     That's really all I think is going on. If he thought it was a really terrible move and would ruin the two of you or he would hate you for it, etc I think he would have put his foot down on it before you actually closed. 

  • I'd blow it off.  If your H had such a hard problem with buying a house he should have said something before the two of your purchased.  End of story. 

    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt147797.aspx[/img][/url]
  • Maybe you did decide together and he was completely honest with you. 

    Maybe the person he was afraid to be honest with was his mentor.  He may feel like for what ever reason that he didn't want to push back against this important person's opinion (long term job contact, etc) so he took the easy way out and blamed you.  Sometimes I tell my DH it is ok if he wants to use me as the bad guy and I use him in similar ways.  It is one of those debate-enders if you really just don't want to engage in a discussion with someone.

    I'm not sure what you do now--do you want to talk with him or not?  Maybe sit on it for a few days and then decide.

  • he probably just wanted to get this "mentor" out of his hair, so made up some quick excuse with out having to give the whole background story on why you guys are buying a house.  Yes, he couldn't of found a nicer way to put it, but I wouldn't get too upset.  Just confirm with him that this is something he wants too.
  • image garfi60126:
    Yes, he couldn't of found a nicer way to put it, but I wouldn't get too upset. 

    Correction - yes he COULD have found a nicer way

  • image Ready4theParty:

    I'd blow it off.  If your H had such a hard problem with buying a house he should have said something before the two of your purchased.  End of story. 

    ITA!

  • image MyValentine2004:
    image Ready4theParty:

    I'd blow it off.  If your H had such a hard problem with buying a house he should have said something before the two of your purchased.  End of story. 

    ITA!

  • image MyValentine2004:
    image Ready4theParty:

    I'd blow it off.  If your H had such a hard problem with buying a house he should have said something before the two of your purchased.  End of story. 

    ITA!

  • image Hoodlum90:

    Maybe you did decide together and he was completely honest with you. 

    Maybe the person he was afraid to be honest with was his mentor.  He may feel like for what ever reason that he didn't want to push back against this important person's opinion (long term job contact, etc) so he took the easy way out and blamed you.  Sometimes I tell my DH it is ok if he wants to use me as the bad guy and I use him in similar ways.  It is one of those debate-enders if you really just don't want to engage in a discussion with someone.

    I'm not sure what you do now--do you want to talk with him or not?  Maybe sit on it for a few days and then decide.

    This is exactly what I was thinking.

  • don't bring it up.  He probably was just trying to be "cool" and kinda agree with his old mentor.  My DH used to do that every now and then, kinda pin the responsibility for an "uncool" decision (like going to dinner with my family instead of going to the bar with friends) on me to his guy friends.  I called him out on it and he doesn't do it any more, but it was just a guy thing.

  • I think that you need to let this go. Your husband did something that he went along with your plan, it just is something he wouldn't have done if he was only thinking about himself. I would not even bring this up.

     This is what happens when you look at an e-mail that had nothing to do with you. Your husband may be very hurt to learn that you looked at his private e-mail. 

  • Honestly, the mentor's advice seems wrong. ?As long as you guys have not over-extended yourselves with your house, right now is a great time to buy a house. ?The rates are low and prices are cheap. ?

    If one of your guys should lose your job, the fact that you guys rent or own won't make a bit of difference...you won't be able to pay your bills. ?But if that doesn't happen, you will have seized an opportunity to build something permanent.

    I think that in 10 years, when your mortgage has been paid off, call his mentor and say "So glad we didn't listen to you!"?

  • i'd leave it alone, i doubt he he meant to hurt u. Atleast he was thoughtfull enough to put ur feelings ahead of his
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