Trouble in Paradise
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Not sure what to do

I've been married since September 2012. I had my daughter in January 2014. In June 2015 my husbands job transferred us from NY to SC. We bought a house and thought we would be happy. A little backround, my husband and I are polar opposites. He is very negative and pessimistic. I am not. When we fight, he belittles me and calls me names. In defense I call him names right back (which I know is not right) and we both want to say the last word. I mentioned the possibility of divorce once, and he said that if that's what I wanted, to go ahead and do it. He never fought for me. We went to marriage counseling for about 4-6 months. In December 2015, my husband was laid off. We both decided that it would be good to sell the house and move to NC so we could be closer to family. Flash forward to now. We are renting and still Unhappy. Things haven't changed. I brought up divorce again. I told Him in serious. He then proceeded to immediately take me off his credit card and transfer 55k from our checking to his savings which he said he would be wiring back to his dAd. ( his dad gave us that $ for a down payment for our home.) then yesterday something clicked. He is upset. We talked in person privately. He cried. He cried like I've never seen him cry before. (He has a history of Anxiety and depression for which he is medicated for). He begged me to stay. He said he never realized how serious I was until now. I told him it's too late and that he should've realized it over a year ago when I told him I was unhappy and we went to marriage counseling and I would stay up late crying to my family over the phone. He apologized and begged me not to break Up the family and to give him a second chance. I gave him chances, I have been unhappy for some time and I have told him this many times. We basically just coexist now and that's it. However, just seeing him this way, not being able to eat or sleep and just crying, makes me feel so incredibly guilty. Part of me thinks that maybe I should give him a second chance...but I can't tell if it's because I might want us to work or if it's just pity for him. The other part of me thinks how happy I might be if I move on. I know the decision is mine but I'm just looking for insight and opinions for everyone. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through. TIA.

Re: Not sure what to do

  • It is too late if you are done. Once you have completely put in your head t hat it is over its over.
    My marriage ended in a very similar way. I told him i wasnt happy, needed counseling, he refused for over a year. I tried  all that i  could and when i hit that point i was done! He then wanted to go  to counseling etc...and we did for a few months, but i knew it was over.
    We have been divorced for 15 years and i am remarried for 10....and very happy.


  • You had me at "When we fight, he belittles me and calls me names."

    There's no hope here. And since this supposed to be an "our money" thing, he spent away 55 grand of your money and his...on his father.

    YOu don't need this guy. File for divorce and run like hell.

     

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