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Reasons Why My MIL is Currently Angry With Me - The Complete List

My MIL and I have never been super close, but I've never had to spend more than 3 days with her at a time, meaning I've always done my best to get along with her. Recently my husband and I moved a few states away for my job, and she was the biggest opponent of our move, even going as far as to try and convince my husband I was being selfish.  Either way, we moved and invited all our families to visit as they wanted.  She was the first to want to visit, and both my husband and I were surprised when we received her itinerary by e-mail for a three week visit.  Ugh.

She's currently here and nit-picking everything I'm doing.  In order to keep up my spirits I've been texting my best friend whenever my MIL makes wild claims or ever so slightly makes a remark about me and my best friend attempts to cheer me up.  In the light of keeping a good sense of humor, and living through the 3 weeks, I wanted to share.  

For your reading pleasure, "Reasons Why My MIL is Currently Angry With Me" (and yes, I wish I was making this stuff up):

- I mentioned we do not wear shoes in the house (she wore them anyways).
- I told my husband he didn't need a lid on the pot in order to steam broccoli, even though my MIL insisted he did.
- I don't have "proper" salt and pepper shakers, although I'm still not sure what that is.
- Our tiny town doesn't have a vegan restaurant (she's not vegan).
- My husband and I eat wheat.
- She has arthritis, which she never told anyone about, but we were supposed to know before suggesting a nice walk.
- We use our dishwasher instead of washing everything by hand.
- We tried to take her to a huge outlet mall for fun.
- I asked if she wanted help cutting veggies, because she was taking 10 minutes on 1 tomato.
- I refused to pull over to the shoulder of a busy major interstate so she could take a picture of something.
- I told her I didn't prefer human names for pets after she asked me directly.
- She only drinks decaf coffee, and we were supposed to know this.
- We don't get up at 7am on our days off.
- I have to go to work while she's visiting (because I can't take 3 weeks off work at her whim).
- I asked her to please not describe her eye surgery in detail, as I have a phobia (she ignored me and continued to describe).

Hope you've enjoyed.  Hopefully the list won't get much longer over the coming days.  Wish me luck!
siempre595

Re: Reasons Why My MIL is Currently Angry With Me - The Complete List

  • I'm sorry.  Maybe your husband can say something to her.  
  • 3 weeks is along time to live with someone you don't care for. BUT, to make it easier on everyone there, why not try to focus on the good things too? Or, if there aren't too many good things, then maybe just focus on the neutral things that could have been bad, but weren't.

    Mentally, if you force yourself to be more positive about the time with her, that will translate into your words and behaviors being more positive as well. This will make you, DH and MIL feel better.

    Some of these things are legitimately annoying, but I also sense you're looking for things to make your list longer and some of these things anyone would be annoyed with no matter who was at their home.

    P.S. And, 10 minutes on one tomato may be normal for someone with arthritis...this is where you lost me and made me think you are looking for ways to be critical.

  • 3 weeks is along time to live with someone you don't care for. BUT, to make it easier on everyone there, why not try to focus on the good things too? Or, if there aren't too many good things, then maybe just focus on the neutral things that could have been bad, but weren't.

    Mentally, if you force yourself to be more positive about the time with her, that will translate into your words and behaviors being more positive as well. This will make you, DH and MIL feel better.

    Some of these things are legitimately annoying, but I also sense you're looking for things to make your list longer and some of these things anyone would be annoyed with no matter who was at their home.

    P.S. And, 10 minutes on one tomato may be normal for someone with arthritis...this is where you lost me and made me think you are looking for ways to be critical.

    My impression of the list was that these were times when he MIL got upset with her.  Asking if she needs help while struggling to cut a tomato, isn't a reason to get upset.  It sounds like OP wash' t annoyed that it took her a long time to cut the tomato, she is upset that her asking her MIL if she needed help, caused a negative reaction.  

    3 weeks is way too long.  I love my mother and we get allow famously, but we could never spend 3 weeks together.  In the future, invite her for a specific period of time.

    I'll give you a little advice my mother gave me when it came to my in laws.  Ignore her.  Stop going out of your way to create fun outings and entertainment.  She gets a taste of you ignoring her for a while, and she will come to you.  If you keep up what you're doing, she'll continue to find fault with it and nit pick you.
  • That is a fantastic list!!! lol... Sounds like you can do no right... Good luck and stay strong and keep the wine flowing!!!

    I feel you on the shoes thing... I have a no shoes house... MIL always wears them and when the kids mention that she's not supposed to have shoes on she goes into a long winded speech about her lack of balance and if she didn't wear shoes she'd break a hip... now we wouldn't want her breaking a hip... lol... I have learned to not clean the floors before she comes to visit but to wait until after she leaves!!
    And I learned that my MIL only drinks instant coffee... (seriously who drinks instant???)... I learned that the hard way after many complains about my freshly brewed coffee....
    KyraNerys
  • I generally hate having people in my house for any reason!  LOL!  It's my nest.  I feel your pain.  If my mother in law came to visit for three weeks, I'd get myself a hotel room! 

    Good luck!

    chickenkitty42
  • Your husband should be standing up to his mother. 

    She sounds very controlling and nosy. I don't blame you for being annoyed. 


    chickenkitty42
  • I have to laugh at this with you.  My dad comes up from Texas every winter around Christmas. It almost always ends up being 3-4 weeks between December - January. We also do not have a guest room so he sleeps on the couch. My husband always prepares for this by buying a few bottles of liquor. It helps with his nerves after the first week. We both agree that as annoying and irritating as it can be we would never ask him to shorten his visit because it is the only time a year he can spend with his grandkids and that is important to us.

    One thing that helps us a lot is once a week we go to lunch or something just the two of us (or four now) Dad gets a minute of alone time and we can breathe in the freedom. I don't know if that is a possibility for you or not.

  • I wonder; what exactly ARE "proper" salt and pepper shakers??? That's about as strange as some of the shit my own MIL comes up with at times, LOL. And why oh why would a person who is not vegan give a solitary rat's ass about whether the town she was just visiting had a vegan restaurant or not? Sounds like this lady is a fruit loop! 8-} 8-}
  • My MIL is disabled. DH and I suspect she has dementia. FIL gets angry at the suggestion that she could have it. Before our wedding, MIL got upset because:

    1. My mom said she was helping me get in my dress before the wedding and MIL got upset because no one told her about this. I didn't invite MIL because I dont feel comfortable undressing around her. I offered MIL the opportunity to get her picture taken with me before I walked down the aisle, but she refused.
    2. She accused my family of taking over the wedding. My DH and I paid for it and I went to great pains to make sure both moms were treated equally.
    3. MIL refused to visit the venue before the wedding...even to the rehearsal. 
    4. The day after the wedding, she told my husband that he is no longer allowed to see me. 
    5. Now, she thinks the wedding is wonderful, but is suspicious I dont like her. Not true. I have forgiven her several times over. I just thinks she likes to stir the pot for the sake of stirring the pot. This was how she was before dementia.

    This is who she is. She is my husbands mother and I still love her.
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