So a few months ago I went to watch a movie on my husbands ipad and when I opened it I saw notifications of text messages from a girl he used to work with. Wondering why he was texting this girl that he no longer works with, I - of course - opened it. The texts were pretty flirty and I was really bothered by it. Nothing super racy but definitely flirty and inappropriate. I confronted him about it but didnt tell him I had seen any texts or anything. I just mentioned that I had noticed he got texts from females that we are not both friends with and didnt feel comfortable with him having contact with someone like that unless it was strictly for work. I would have gone into it more, but this girl lives very far away now so I knew there was no physical contact or flirting in person so I hoped he would stop knowing that I was uncomfortable with it.
Well after I confronted him, I noticed that he erased his messages from his ipad and stopped having them sent to his ipad. I snooped from time to time but could never see anything. At the time I was pregnant and just had better things to stress about and honestly didnt want to think about it so I put it on a back burner.
Now our baby is here. Things have been busy and crazy, but this week I opened his ipad. He put his messages back on his ipad. So I open them to see if he's still texting her (I knew he was) and there were some texts there. This time they definitely crossed a line. At one point he said he wished he could see her boobs (they are snapchat friends) and also asked why she doesnt facetime him (she said she would start) and some other things indicating that they were on the verge (if not already) sending inappropriate pictures. Now, this is cheating in my opinion. Although she still lives far away and i know there is no physical contact, this is still way over the line.
I am hurt and confused and just dont know what to do from here. I just need people to tell me what they would do? Should I confront him now? Should I try to act normal and see where their conversations go (if he leaves his messages on his ipad - he assumes probably that I have no time to even think about looking at his ipad since we have a newborn)? I'm seriously considering divorce over this. I mean, Id be willing to go to therapy but I really dont trust him. I know they will have the opportunity to see each other in person in March of next year. Thats forever away, but do I try to wait all the way until then to see if they make plans to meet up? My personality is one where I just want to confront him and be like wtf, but I also have read a lot of things where people say to wait and gather as much info as possible. The more I gather though, the more hurt I am.
I just dont know what to do from here. We have a 4 year old and barely 2 month old. I dont know how he could do this.