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I am juggling a lot right now. First off,  I am attending graduate school online for psychology, with a potential graduation date of March. For school I am required to attend three in classroom learning sessions, which are a week long and are located in different areas of the country, so far I have been to two with one in Washington DC and the other in Chicago.

Second off, I am a department manager at Bed Bath and Beyond and work 50 hours a week, and travel another thirty minutes each way. There are requirements of the job that take me away more such as working six days for college move in and month manager meetings on a day I don't normally work which is time either for school or personal time with my husband. Right now they are training me to be in charge of a new department which requires two days a week at a different store, but no more hours than I am at my store.

Third off is my husband and our relationship. We have been together for 11 years and have been married for 2. He is very supportive such as helping out around the house with cleaning, laundry, cooking and taking care of our 1 year old boxer puppy. He has a very traditional job with some very exclusive perks. For instance, he has every other Friday off of work, works Monday thru Friday 8-5. He has never had a problem with my job until recently as he has only been in his position for 9 months. He now is not as reasonable, and hates my job because I work 1 weekend day every week unless requested for special time off, work holidays and around the holidays, and am required to work six days a week once a year, and finally that I have to attend the manager meetings.

As you can see, I am struggling with my relationship and my work. I make good money where I work, and enjoy what I am currently being trained. I love my husband and would do anything for him, but I fear that he is ready to leave me because of my job. My job has now come to me and asked me to travel to another state to train from a specialty store which is all expense paid. He lost it, threatening to leave, not speaking to me for hours, and telling me that I had to go to my job and tell them that I quit. We can't afford for me to quit my job as his job can't cover all of the house bills. I need advise and for people to be honest, even if it is bruital as I don't want to hurt my relationship but is he being unreasonable?

Re: Relationship/Work/School

  • If your husband would leave you over your current work schedule, you have much bigger issues.  I can understand how he'd be upset, but we all have to get through sections of life where we work a ton or where we fall out of sync with our partner's schedules.  It certainly isn't a reason to divorce.

    Are you willing to look for a different job?  Is the unwillingness to try and find a job that syncs better with your marriage the reason he is upset or is it simply that you currently have this job that is making him so angry?
  • You say that you enjoy your job. It's not his place to tell you to quit and do something else because he doesn't like it. If you can't afford to quit, what is his plan financially if you did?

    Assuming he's not the overly-controlling jerk he sounds like, you need to sit down and discuss this. What is it about your job that he doesn't like? What alternatives does he suggest? What kind of compromises could the two of you make?

    Honestly, from the way you describe his behavior and reaction, it does sound like you could benefit from meeting with a couples counselor just to have a neutral sounding board to offer an unbiased perspective.
  • What are your plans once you graduate in the Spring? Do you plan on getting a job in that field or staying at your current position? If you are planning on going into a different field that your degree is in, I might reconsider all the things your job is asking you to do. Because if you aren't planning on staying at the job, what is the point of taking on all this extra responsibility & extra time away from home? And if you are planning on leaving, you're just wasting the company's time and money putting you through this training. Is saying thank you very much for these opportunities, but this has become too much and I would just like to stay with the current responsibilities I have at this one store? In regards to your husband, make sure you let him know that you appreciate all that he does around the house, even just a simple thank you for doing the dishes, or making dinner, can go a long way to making someone feel appreciated and their tolerance for putting up with things. And recogonize that all this time apart is hard for him, but let him know you don't like it either, which is why you are working so hard with school and that these crazy hours are only going to be until spring when you can find a job in your field that will have more traditional hours. Assuming that is what your plan is.

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