I should start off saying I understand 200% that I'm not going to get my husband into counseling, you can't make someone go if they don't want too so please be gentle with this post. Long story short, my husband is a veteran who now works in public service in a busy town with a lot of drug overdose and suicide calls. I think he has PTSD for many reasons I know I can't begin to understand including the calls he attends/things he sees on the job. He doesn't open up to me about them, I should be better about asking but I understand there may be a line he doesn't want me to know to not be scared
Things are getting bad with him, he's very agitated and short tempered. He has a one track way of thinking and gets frustrated if he doesn't understand the way you asked a question (I know this is the military life) but it's frustrating because he doesn't give you the chance to re-phrase he just gets frustrated and mad. We had a bad fight last night after which he slept on the couch to avoid more fighting, honestly I don't think it should have ever come to the point that he was screaming. I tried very hard not to give into the fight as it was very late and I was trying to go to sleep. While I tried to communicate with him what was wrong it was late and nothing was going to get done to fix the issue.
I haven't talked to him yet today, I left for work before we could talk and I'm glad to have the space, honestly I wish I had more time away because I'm still mad from what a stupid fight this was. I just need to know how I can approach the topic of him seeing a counselor. My reason is the fact that he got so mad last night, I really hope a counselor could help him see why this shouldn't have been such a big deal and how to better communicate with me to avoid a big fight. I think he just needs to let out some of whatever's going on. I understand that I could benefit from speaking with someone too, I know I have issues to work on, but with this attitude things will never get better if he doesn't seek help. I feel like me going to a counselor is just going to be "here's what he does, it's not different and I can't deal with it, how can I cope?"
The biggest problem with getting him to counseling is that he's old school military when you weren't encouraged to go to counseling. He often tells me that the records "aren't confidential" and it will "haunt him later", no matter how many times I explain HIPPA and Veteran's counseling he just says no he doesn't need it. His work doesn't encourage counseling, only if there is a big work related loss and even then they mail you letter with how to get an appointment. I don't even know how to approach the subject as I'm afraid I"m going to offend him when I know he's not doing anything wrong. I don't speak to any of the wives at his work to know if their husbands go to counseling, but all of the research I've done in support of wives in this field says they need to talk to someone who's not us.
I've seen a counselor in the past and I've had a lot of success. I'm very open to going again. My husband tried counseling once when he came home from war (before I met him) but he had trouble sticking to an appointment as the counselor's wife was sick and kept cancelling appointments. Eventually he gave up instead of finding a different counselor on his own. My husband tried last year to meet with a counselor (again similiar issues as now to the point that I put my foot down and said you go talk to someone and then I will or else we're going to head in the direction of a divorce, it's that serious. He seemed to have a good relationship with the new counselor but only made 1 or 2 appointments. My husband's not good with sticking with things so he'll drop off once he's done what he said he'd do and the more I say you have to keep going (or just go in the first place) the more he stops doing it and gets mad that I push him. Help!
Has anyone else dealt with this? How do you keep sane with these issues you can't control. yes I do things wrong but not everything is my fault and I promise I'm trying to understand that things are going on outside of my control.
Thank you in advance for any help you can provide.