Family Matters
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Helping MIL move

JulienCJulienC member
Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments
edited July 2015 in Family Matters
My MIL moved down to KY to live near us while we were stationed there. I objected because I knew we'd eventually relocate and she wouldn't be able to follow us everywhere we'd move (which in the military is quite often). So husband rented a truck and moved  her stuff from WI to KY. I believe we out of pocketed at least half the expenses. She wanted to live with us but it just didn't work out because she was tearing my husband and I apart. She rented several different homes/apartments and my husband moved her stuff each time. She did have a job when she lived near us. Right before we got orders to move to WA state she met a man and married him. That marriage crumbled after we moved to Germany. For two years she was paranoid that he was stalking her and she moved time and time again from one state to another (KY, TX, AZ) to live with relatives or friends and restart her life. She even carried a gun. She left all her household goods in a storage facility in KY. It never worked out for her because she's a difficult person to live with. She would leave on her own terms or get kicked out (happened several times). Basically, she made people feel like she was taking advantage of them and freeloading off of them. As of recently she moved back to WI and lived with my husband's father and step-mom for several months until they had to ask her to leave. She moved out, got a job, and is renting an apartment. I suggested to my husband that we move her stuff back to WI since nobody else will. She has been paying over $100 to keep her belongings in storage for over a year now. Eventually, I know he's going to end up doing it anyways because she's talked about how expensive it is for her to keep her stuff in storage. Since we recently relocated to GA and will be passing through KY on our way up to WI, we plan on stopping along the way, loading her stuff in a U-haul, and bringing it up there. Of course his mother is very happy. But I'm a little annoyed. She will be paying for the truck and the gas however, I'm stuck driving behind my husband in a car that I'm not really comfortable driving for 8 hours (especially through Chicago). I'm a small person and the car is much bigger than what I'm used to driving. It's the vehicle my husband always drives to work. I suggested we put the car on a trailer so that way my husband, son, and I could all ride together. I told him we can pay for the trailer. My husband doesn't want to change the plans because he said he would have to upgrade everything which would end up costing his mother possibly an extra $400 to $500. The original truck he reserved only seats two people (which I didn't know). 


Although I can see where he's coming from, in a way I don't really agree. He is moving her stuff for at least the 5th time now. And he's always done it for free. Plus we have lended her money in the past and she's never repaid us the full amount. We have helped her out a lot. He doesn't want to ask his mother if she can pay for the upgrade so we can all travel together. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I feel that if she wants her stuff (which she does) she should be willing to upgrade because even though it will cost her she'd be paying way more than $1,000 if she hired an actual moving company.And from all the times she's moved I'd be surprised if she really cares how much this would cost her since she puts everything on credit anyways. But then I feel selfish for thinking that way. We are not in the financial situation to pay for this move. Originally we had planned to just drive up together to visit family. Since it's summer and really the only time he'll have leave until December, my husband and I agreed now is the best time. How would you handle this situation? I'm feeling a little bitter towards my husband because I told him that he isn't ever afraid to say no to me but can only say yes to his mom. I can't think of anyone in my family who would move my stuff for free. I know it's a mess my husband and I got ourselves into for moving her down there in the first place but then again who gets away with moving that many times for free? I'm pretty sure my own son wouldn't have a problem with telling me he's not going to move my stuff that many times. I don't even think his mother would say no to upgrading, I think it's my husband who doesn't want her to have to pay more money than what she is already going to pay. He is feeling sorry for her. He basically feels I should just suck it up and follow him up to WI to save his mother the money on the truck. I told him the least she could do is pay a little extra for all the times he's moved her for free. There has been other issues in the past where he's made me feel this way and I feel like we're drifting apart. 

Re: Helping MIL move

  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Well personally, I'd rather drive 2 vehicles than tow a car.  There is something about pulling a car on a trailer behind a large truck that wigs me out.  So much so that 20 years ago, when DH and I had to move our stuff and TWO cars, we flew a friend down so that he could drive one of our cars for us. 

    And I'm not really sure why Chicago - which has major highways that you'd probably be primarily sticking to - is an issue. 

    Past that - you kind of contradict yourself.  You're upset that your DH keeps moving her "for free" (I find it weird to want to put a price tag on helping out family) but yet YOU'RE the one who suggested doing it. 

    I think you need to step back from the moving issue and start looking at the bigger issue- how he won't say no to his mom but has no problem saying no to you.  It sounds like you may have a "mama's boy" problem.  And really- IMO - that means that you need to start being more firm with him.  Make him "afraid", so to speak, of saying no to YOU.  Force him to listen to you, to respect you. 




    TarponMonoxide
  • I agree with everything you said VOR. I know the two of us have issues. I think I'm just tired of his mom moving all the time. I feel we should be the ones moving her stuff back to WI since we were the ones who moved her things down to KY. Nobody else is going to do it for her. That I know for sure. So I know eventually she would have asked. But like I said there have been other times where I feel my husband has put his mothers wishes before mine. There were major issues with her when she lived with us years ago when she moved to KY. They all had to do with him being as you said a momma's boy. But when she moved out and we eventually left the state and moved around the country and overseas things improved. We've came to an agreement. The upgrade and trailer aren't going to be that much more than what he thought. So, we're likely going to ride together and pull the vehicle with a trailer unless something comes up and our plans change. We can't do anything until she sends us the key for her storage unit, which she waited until the last minute to do. So, we'll wait on that until the 22nd of July but if it's not here then we won't be able to do it.
  • edited July 2015
    I am wondering is it possible your MIL has an emotional/ mental problem or if she is, at best, highly eccentric:

    JulienC said:
    My MIL moved down to KY to live near us while we were stationed there. I objected because I knew we'd eventually relocate and she wouldn't be able to follow us everywhere we'd move (which in the military is quite often). So husband rented a truck and moved  her stuff from WI to KY. I believe we out of pocketed at least half the expenses. She wanted to live with us but it just didn't work out because she was tearing my husband and I apart.

    She rented several different homes/apartments and my husband moved her stuff each time. She did have a job when she lived near us. Right before we got orders to move to WA state she met a man and married him. That marriage crumbled after we moved to Germany. For two years she was paranoid that he was stalking her and she moved time and time again from one state to another (KY, TX, AZ) to live with relatives or friends and restart her life. She even carried a gun. She left all her household goods in a storage facility in KY. It never worked out for her because she's a difficult person to live with. She would leave on her own terms or get kicked out (happened several times). Basically, she made people feel like she was taking advantage of them and freeloading off of them. As of recently she moved back to WI and lived with my husband's father and step-mom for several months until they had to ask her to leave. She moved out, got a job, and is renting an apartment. I suggested to my husband that we move her stuff back to WI since nobody else will. She has been paying over $100 to keep her belongings in storage for over a year now. Eventually, I know he's going to end up doing it anyways because she's talked about how expensive it is for her to keep her stuff in storage. Since we recently relocated to GA and will be passing through KY on our way up to WI, we plan on stopping along the way, loading her stuff in a U-haul, and bringing it up there. Of course his mother is very happy. But I'm a little annoyed. She will be paying for the truck and the gas however, I'm stuck driving behind my husband in a car that I'm not really comfortable driving for 8 hours (especially through Chicago). I'm a small person and the car is much bigger than what I'm used to driving. It's the vehicle my husband always drives to work. I suggested we put the car on a trailer so that way my husband, son, and I could all ride together. I told him we can pay for the trailer. My husband doesn't want to change the plans because he said he would have to upgrade everything which would end up costing his mother possibly an extra $400 to $500. The original truck he reserved only seats two people (which I didn't know). 


    Although I can see where he's coming from, in a way I don't really agree. He is moving her stuff for at least the 5th time now. And he's always done it for free. Plus we have lended her money in the past and she's never repaid us the full amount. We have helped her out a lot. He doesn't want to ask his mother if she can pay for the upgrade so we can all travel together. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I feel that if she wants her stuff (which she does) she should be willing to upgrade because even though it will cost her she'd be paying way more than $1,000 if she hired an actual moving company.And from all the times she's moved I'd be surprised if she really cares how much this would cost her since she puts everything on credit anyways. But then I feel selfish for thinking that way. We are not in the financial situation to pay for this move. Originally we had planned to just drive up together to visit family. Since it's summer and really the only time he'll have leave until December, my husband and I agreed now is the best time. How would you handle this situation? I'm feeling a little bitter towards my husband because I told him that he isn't ever afraid to say no to me but can only say yes to his mom. I can't think of anyone in my family who would move my stuff for free.

    I know it's a mess my husband and I got ourselves into for moving her down there in the first place but then again who gets away with moving that many times for free? I'm pretty sure my own son wouldn't have a problem with telling me he's not going to move my stuff that many times. I don't even think his mother would say no to upgrading, I think it's my husband who doesn't want her to have to pay more money than what she is already going to pay. He is feeling sorry for her. He basically feels I should just suck it up and follow him up to WI to save his mother the money on the truck. I told him the least she could do is pay a little extra for all the times he's moved her for free. There has been other issues in the past where he's made me feel this way and I feel like we're drifting apart. 

    Your problem is manifold:

    You are a pushover for his mother
    You and he cannot communicate
    Your H cannot put his foot down and tell his mother, "Good luck; when you get to your destination, give me a call. Or email us. Hope your move goes smoothly."

    She has to have some type of mental or emotional problem - moving how many times? Not happ where she is or she gets kicked out? Meets some guy and marries him in a flight of fancy and the marriage is over in an eyeblink...and now she thinks he is stalking her???

    You and your H need counseling:

    Him, to untie the apron strings and to stop being a pushover for his mother
    The both of you, to learn how to communicate and to be a couple and a family!!!

    You come first, not his mother. Let her figure out what to do herself; she is an adult over the age of 18 years of age.

    Stop catering to her. Do not "lend" her any more money and she is on her own for good from here on in. No more moving her, no more money no more nothing. 

  • edited July 2015

    PS Your H is NOT putting you first. That is essential that he does.

    I am sure this did not happen right after you got married: he always had a problem enabling her and you looked the other way.


    I'm feeling a little bitter towards my husband because I told him that he isn't ever afraid to say no to me but can only say yes to his mom. I can't think of anyone in my family who would move my stuff for free.


    To counseling stat and if he doesn't get with the program, consider hanging it up. You are not there to be put last and you are not her moving service and you are also not her bank or her allnight eardrum.

    And you said she was armed at one point?

    Steer clear of her. Just for that alone.

    I do not think she is emotionally or mentally stable -- no adult with all of their bearings moves and moves and moves and no adult that has his or her act together goes from one place to another because he or she is booted or just leaves.

    If he won't go to counseling, bad news.

    And if he refuses. rethink him. YOu want a husband, not somebody who makes you a fifth wheel.

  • You're right tarpon monoxide. You pretty much said it how it is. Yes, I went through the same anguish with Mil and came to the exact conclusion as you (Mil lost her mind). I even got scared when I heard she was carrying a gun because she at one time resented me for asking her to leave after she moved down to Ky with us. I told my husband I didn't need her to use the weapon on me, especially since her world was falling apart when she divorced her husband she met online. She seems more stable now that she's back in WI. However, I've observed the most oddest thing. Husband's sister has pancreatic cancer and Mil has not visited her. She's been sick now for a year and though she lives 2 hours away, there's no excuse. She can drive thousands of miles moving from place to place but not visit her daughter? Yet, she had no problem coming to see us when we lived in Ky. I know the daughter has questioned her mom's love for her vs, my husbands. She plans on tagging along with us when we visit SIL but it's wierd she hasn't already gone on her own. For now Mil seems fine being on her own and I hope it stays that way. But I can't help thinking about what her future holds since she blows her money and hasn't kept a job long enough to build a good retirement. I don't want it to cost us because she made poor choices.
  • You need to talk to your husband now about it.  You will have to decide now how much if any support you will give his mother.  Don't wait until it is too late.

    My husband and I have had to have a similar talk and although it isn't pleasant, we are at least on the same page.
  • JulienC said:
    You're right tarpon monoxide. You pretty much said it how it is. Yes, I went through the same anguish with Mil and came to the exact conclusion as you (Mil lost her mind). I even got scared when I heard she was carrying a gun because she at one time resented me for asking her to leave after she moved down to Ky with us. I told my husband I didn't need her to use the weapon on me, especially since her world was falling apart when she divorced her husband she met online. She seems more stable now that she's back in WI. However, I've observed the most oddest thing. Husband's sister has pancreatic cancer and Mil has not visited her. She's been sick now for a year and though she lives 2 hours away, there's no excuse. She can drive thousands of miles moving from place to place but not visit her daughter? Yet, she had no problem coming to see us when we lived in Ky. I know the daughter has questioned her mom's love for her vs, my husbands. She plans on tagging along with us when we visit SIL but it's wierd she hasn't already gone on her own. For now Mil seems fine being on her own and I hope it stays that way. But I can't help thinking about what her future holds since she blows her money and hasn't kept a job long enough to build a good retirement. I don't want it to cost us because she made poor choices.

    Who knows? She may have had a major falling out with her daughter. Anything could have happened.

    Just for the gun alone, I'd say goodbye to her. This isn't good and I would not be comfortable in her presence.

    Think about what I said. It's essential you be a team and that you come first.


  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    JulienC said:
    . But I can't help thinking about what her future holds since she blows her money and hasn't kept a job long enough to build a good retirement. I don't want it to cost us because she made poor choices.
    Here's the thing- stop thinking about it and start TALKING about it.  Don't put your head in the sand over this.  As things stand RIGHT NOW - you absolutely know how this will go.  Your DH will probably want her to move in w/  youall.  So- start having the hard conversations with him.  He doesn't put you first.  He needs to.  You need to start fighting for your marriage and for your place in his life.
    TarponMonoxide
  • The one thing that caught my eye is She was living with her ex-husband and his new wife until they kicked her out?  I get along with my husband's ex-wife but I don't believe I would have her living with us.

    Your MIL is a very strange person.

    TarponMonoxide
  • I believe she had her gun taken away by a family member so I hope she's stayed unarmed since then. I do believe this will be the last time we'll be moving her. We regret doing it in the first place. She hasn't been acting paranoid anymore so hopefully things will only get better from here on out. Though, it's doubtful. I told my husband there absolutely no way she can ever live with us again. Because even when she did she was still making poor choices and she was too deep into our personal lives. She was influencing my husband to leave me and call CPS to have my son taken away from me. I guess she figured this way she'd be able to have my husband. I'm surprised he and I made it through 10 years of marriage. It's hard to get an opinion from him about his mother or anything really. He never wants to say anything bad about her or acknowledge that she's unstable. 
  • JulienC said:
    I believe she had her gun taken away by a family member so I hope she's stayed unarmed since then.

    So you think Annie Oakley is going to go cold turkey and stop packing a rod???

    NOT likely.

    Believe NOTHING and steer clear of her. End all contact with her -- she is a sponge, nothing but trouble and a font of enablement. You and your H need this like a fish needs a bike. 

    His mother needs toughlove. I strongly suggest he get to an analyst and learn to cut the ties and stand up to her like one adult is supposed to stand up to another. 


    I do believe this will be the last time we'll be moving her.

    We will see that to believe it. As will you and your H.

    We regret doing it in the first place. She hasn't been acting paranoid anymore so hopefully things will only get better from here on out. Though, it's doubtful.

    Doubtful? Not going to happen is where this is at.

     I told my husband there absolutely no way she can ever live with us again. Because even when she did she was still making poor choices and she was too deep into our personal lives.

    Uh huh and what did he say, the spineless wuss?

    Rethink your H if he will not get counseling with you so that he will begin treating you like a wife and equal and partner.

    She was influencing my husband to leave me and call CPS to have my son taken away from me.


    Holy shit. He should have been livid and told his mother where to go! Why didn'the???

    I think it is time for you to call it a day with his mental mother...and your H. You do not have a healthy marriage nor a healthy marriage dynamic. This isn't even a healthy mother in law-daughter in law/mother son dynamic. This is a lost cause. 

    I guess she figured this way she'd be able to have my husband. I'm surprised he and I made it through 10 years of marriage.

    I am surprised you made it through 10 minutes of marriage. 

     It's hard to get an opinion from him about his mother or anything really. He never wants to say anything bad about her or acknowledge that she's unstable. 

    Uh huh because that is the same way as saying "My mother can do as she wishes. I agree with her 100%."

    You are making excuses for this jerk you married. He's supposed to put you first -- the vow is "forsaking all others."

    You knew he was like this when you met him and that is when you should have bowed out: during the time when you were dating when it was clear he was nothing but her futon and stooge. I figure that's about when you and he started to see each other steadily, so maybe 6 months after your first date? Yep - that is when you should have made it clear to him you were not going to pursue a relationship with him...and why.  

    I see no hope here at all and I would personally call it quits because of the weapon thing.





  • janined22 said:

    The one thing that caught my eye is She was living with her ex-husband and his new wife until they kicked her out?  I get along with my husband's ex-wife but I don't believe I would have her living with us.

    Your MIL is a very strange person.

    You'd be surprised what kind of arrangements there are out there.;)



    janined22
  • edited July 2015
    JulienC said:
    . But I can't help thinking about what her future holds since she blows her money and hasn't kept a job long enough to build a good retirement. I don't want it to cost us because she made poor choices.

    Here's the thing- stop thinking about it and start TALKING about it.  Don't put your head in the sand over this.  As things stand RIGHT NOW - you absolutely know how this will go.  Your DH will probably want her to move in w/  youall.  So- start having the hard conversations with him.  He doesn't put you first.  He needs to.  You need to start fighting for your marriage and for your place in his life.

     This is classic enablement --- "I can't help thinking about what her future holds..." This is NOT -- repeat, not  --- yoru problem.

    That is her problem. This is for her to figure out and if she sinks like a stone, so be it. Let her get her shit together and figure it out for herself.  

    It is *only* going to cost you because the 2 of you cannot say no to her: unhealthy and this is nto what marriage is about: it's about the 2 of you. 2 is company and 3 is a crowd.

    Counseling now for the 2 of you to learn to be a couple and have a healthy dynamic.

    And if he refuses, tell him he can go home to his mother...wherever that home is.

    I am serious. This will go on for years and during this time, you'll resent him and resent him and resent him and finally the whole issue will blow sky high. it won't be pretty.

    YOu yourself need a rock bottom moment --- where you realize "hey, she's fucked up everything and I was a fool to be her stooge! That's it, this is over now"...but will you ever have it? Who knows??? 

    None of this is your problem -- none of it! It is for your MIL to figure out and take care of --- you are an enabler and not a daughter in law. And you're a pushover and a doormat and an enabler for your supposed husband.

    And what respect has he got for you, being he lets his mother take center stage?

    What character has he got, that he puts you last?

    What kind of maturity has he got, that he cannot stand up to his mother?

    YOU make the call on this one -- do you want to go through life and 50 years of being some sort of watcher from the sidelines and coming in last with your alleged spouse instead of first and foremost? 

    Why would you want that for yourself?

    Get out now before a kiddo comes into the picture and sees that the only way for a spouse to treat the person he married is as a doormat and a nobody. Because that is what you are to him: a doormat and a nobody. 


  • We do have one child together, he's 10. I've had many arguments with my husband over a lot of stuff and it's usually because he never stands up for me. For example, neighbor got angry at me because I asked her to be quiet at 2 a.m. because she was being too loud and my son and I couldn't sleep. She was intoxicated, I wasn't (I don't drink). She banned her child from ever speaking to me or my son again. Both of our husbands were gone for a few months and I'm sure we both vented to them about each other. When our husbands returned her husband totally ignored us (which I expected). For some reason my husband wanted to be friendly with them, yet whenever the guy's wife was around and my husband wasn't he would not even speak to my son (if I or the wife was there). When husband was around he would. Me, nothing. Why would my husband want to say hello to people who treat me like that? He went as far as to help the guy push his broken down car into the garage. That was very nice of him. However, I don't think the guy would have done the same for me if I was in need of help. He would have ignored me, or said no. That and his mom has made me feel very bitter towards him because the message I got was that I don't matter. I figured the neighbors like my husband enough and probably thought he could do better than me. It's not him that they disliked, it's me. But the lady's husband did what 99% of the married men would do...stick with their wives. They certainly don't go out of their way to be friendly or say hello to someone who doesn't like their spouse. 
  • edited July 2015
    JulienC said:
    We do have one child together, he's 10. I've had many arguments with my husband over a lot of stuff and it's usually because he never stands up for me. For example, neighbor got angry at me because I asked her to be quiet at 2 a.m. because she was being too loud and my son and I couldn't sleep. She was intoxicated, I wasn't (I don't drink). She banned her child from ever speaking to me or my son again. Both of our husbands were gone for a few months and I'm sure we both vented to them about each other.

    (Your H was gone for a few months??? Too bad he didn't make it permanent and make it easy for you! Your work would have been cut out for ya!) 

    When our husbands returned her husband totally ignored us (which I expected). For some reason my husband wanted to be friendly with them, yet whenever the guy's wife was around and my husband wasn't he would not even speak to my son (if I or the wife was there). When husband was around he would. Me, nothing. Why would my husband want to say hello to people who treat me like that?

    Because he's a douche and a major one???


    He went as far as to help the guy push his broken down car into the garage. That was very nice of him. However, I don't think the guy would have done the same for me if I was in need of help. He would have ignored me, or said no. That and his mom has made me feel very bitter towards him because the message I got was that I don't matter. I figured the neighbors like my husband enough and probably thought he could do better than me. It's not him that they disliked, it's me. But the lady's husband did what 99% of the married men would do...stick with their wives. They certainly don't go out of their way to be friendly or say hello to someone who doesn't like their spouse. 

    You mean you've been having this shit shoveled at you for more than a decade?!

    This is very very bad news for your child! As I said, not only is the kiddo getting the message that it is fine to disregard a woman's feelings your kiddo is also under a terrible strain with the problems you and your H are having--- why are you letting your child see this??? 

    You have a lost cause on your hands.

    After 10+ years expect nothing but the same in your future, IF, that is you do not leave his sorry ass.

    After 10+ years of marriage he will be particularly vehement if you suggest counselfing. He's got it made! He talks to you any ole way, he treats you how he wishes, he sides with other people -- not just his mother -- and you are treated like a skivvy. He's not going to give up a good thing!

     Take your child and go. Go anywhere: to your parents' house, to a shelter -- anywhere -- don't stay with him one second longer.

    And counseling for you and the kiddo. Nip this in the bud now for your child before he repeats in lockstep the same thing your husband has done to you. Do you want him growing up the same way and then treating his spouse like the spouse doesn't matter??? 

  • Uhhhh yeah, the day my MIL tells my husband to call CPS ON ME would be the last day I ever heard from her.  If he didn't tell her to go to hell, that would be the last day I was married to him.

    I would never, EVER let someone treat me like that.  NEVER.  
  • I get what you're saying but it's not that easy for me. For one, my family and I aren't close. They don't call me, hate our military lifestyle, and would be a worst influence on my son than my husband and I together. If we ever split I will have to have a good enough income for me to raise my child. That's not going to happen anytime soon. I don't have anyone to run back home to like so many woman do when they split from their significant others. It's a tough situation for me. This hostility between his mom and me happened in 2008. We've moved several times since then and aside from his mother becoming paranoid and losing her mind for the most part it hasn't concerned me because we were too far away to help her (thank goodness). Though we missed our families while in Germany, I refused to go home for 3 years and decided to take advantage of our location and travel. I told my husband that it was time for us to put each other first and our families second. He wasn't very happy there and he was going to go home for a few weeks on his own except the military ruined his plan and he got deployed for several months instead. I believe his dad and step-mom probably blamed me for not being able to see their son for that long but on the other hand my husband chose to reenter the military after getting out. If his family was of that much importance and he needed to see them and feel close to them that much I don't think he should have joined. Because I'm not that keen on visiting his family and staying at their house for 7 days anymore. I've had enough especially how unsupportive he's been towards me these last 3 years. I hate to admit it but him being so friendly to our neighbors after the wife was so rude to me still gets me very upset. So, this time we're staying at a hotel for 7 days instead of at  his dad's. I suspect this may upset his father but I don't care. I feel uncomfortable staying at other people's homes when visiting and I'm a person who needs my space. Plus the step-mom and I didn't get along too well when we visited in February. I vented to her about some issues I was having with my sister and she sided with  her. It's ok to disagree with someone but to tell me she would have done the same thing and make me feel like the entire situation was my fault (and that by talking about certain things continuously was driving the people around me crazy) there's no way I'm staying there again. She could have worded things differently and by the time she was done I was speechless and nearly in tears. My husband was there and he just sat there ignoring everything. He could have interrupted and told his step-mom she was going too far but he didn't. Years ago I stood up to my dad to defend my husband's decision to rejoin the military (my father was against it) and I ended up getting kicked out and not speaking to my family for 3 years. Yet my husband can't stand up to people for me, so I always am the one who looks crazy when I stand up for myself. Then I feel like I'm standing alone because I don't even have a husband to lean on for support. It's always my fault. Yes I know I have my faults and I'm not perfect and I shouldn't have brought up something personal to his step-mom. For some reason I have a bad habit speaking about my personal problems to the wrong people and I wish I could stop that.  So, from now on I am staying at a hotel whenever I'm tagging along to see his family (mine too). My husband can stay with his parents if he wants to pacify them but I told him that'll just make it more the obvious that he and I aren't getting along. Oh well, it's the life that I chose so I'll have to deal with the consequences. But thanks guys, for understanding where I'm coming from because a lot of people think I'm wrong for expressing my feelings and don't want to hear it. I got a lot of great advise on here. The bottom line is that I'm not going to live with his mom and this will be the last time we should have to deal with moving her shit since she's living in her home state and will have all her household goods in her apartment in a few days. If she moves again she can hire a moving company. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards