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Money before TTC

My husband wants to set a monetary savings goal before we have children and we really disagree on the price. It feels really wrong to put off babies simply because we don't reach that dollar sign. I'm perfectly OK waiting for other circumstantial reasons like school, settling down, etc., but I'd prefer to have a baby between 26 and 31. The older I get past 31 the more risk I take that my baby could have chromosomal and other birth defects. Have any of you set a specific savings amount you want before you ttc? What would you consider reasonable vs. unrealistic?
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Re: Money before TTC

  • hortons0510hortons0510 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited March 2015

    I am curious with this question, too. We are wanting to wait for a couple years (I will be 27, husband will be 31) to start discussing TTC, but we are wanting to go ahead and get some money saved up before then. We have been putting money in savings each paycheck, but I wonder if we should be putting more?

    We haven't discussed an actual goal amount, but we should be able to add an extra $6,000.00 to savings by 2017. I personally would like more.

  • edited March 2015
    He's hoping we can save an 3 month emergency fund and then use wise investments afterward to grow our savings to a rather exorbitant amount. So much so that I don't want to say because it feels very unrealistic to me. I want to be a responsible parent including the way and the when I bring a baby in, but I also don't want to be too selfish and inflexible because of a reach-for-the-stars kind of goal not being met. Theoretically this could push me into my mid to late 30's before we have even 1 baby and I/we also want to adopt eventually too. So I guess I want to know what others' goals are or were and whether meeting them or not influenced their lives in a positive or negative way and whether they pushed back ttc because of it.
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  • It seems like there should be a compromise somewhere in there.  Like after a 3-month emergency fund has been set.

    Then, at that point, crunch the numbers in your all's budget to include the extra expenses of little daycare, extra insurance, diapers, etc. and see what can still be set aside for growing a healthy investment.

    Men seem to conveniently forget that we can't have children up into our 90s, like they can, lol.  And, while mid 30s doesn't seem too bad from a physical standpoint, by the time we get into our late 30s and early addition to a slightly more elevated risk of birth defects...our fertility also starts decreasing.  That hefty investment won't seem as large if you all have to drop $35K on fertility treatments at the age of 40, that may not have been necessary at the age of 30 ;)

  • edited March 2015
    Yeah, I got that on another thread too. I'll have to do more research into just how much of a risk there is and how much expenses it would take the doctor to offset those risks.
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  • I realize it is anecdotal, but I had a friend who got married later in life (39) and had her first child at 41.  It took her almost one year to get pregnant.  He was a healthy baby and is a healthy child, so that was all good.

    But, shortly after he was born, she and her husband tried to have another child.  They tried for years, but never went the fertility route.  They more took the attitude of, "if it happens, it happens".  But it never happened and I know she has always been a little disappointed she couldn't have more children.

    At the time, according to her doctor, there was nothing medically keeping her from getting's just becomes harder for women to get pregnant somewhere usually in their late 30s/early 40s.  And the difficulty then increases the older they get.

    I also had a different friend who started going through early menopause when she was 37.  I don't know how common/rare that is, but something else to consider.

  • It sounds like you've really talked this through with your husband, but does he understand your concerns about being an older mom? Does he also think about being an older dad? In this day and age dad's have to be willing to get up in the middle of the night, spend weekends with the kids etc. I hear it only gets a lot harder as you get older, because you don't have the energy. I don't want children, but my husband and I have thought it through since he's 6 years older than me. He doesn't want to be a first time dad at his current age. The longer your wait, the longer you have to wait to "get your life back", meaning the kids are old enough to take care of themselves and/or move out. If he's fine with that, awesome, but maybe that might help put this more in perspective.

    Another thing to follow up on PP, how many children do you and your husband want? I don't need to know, but that should be part of the decision. It takes 9 or 10 months to have a baby, then you need time to recover and enjoy the baby you have. Most people seem to wait at least 1 or 2 years before having another. Is he OK being that much older based on this timeline? You then run into more risk factors as well. Day care will only get more expensive, clothes, food, college. Just things to keep in mind. My mom also hit menopause really early, I think she was only 42, I believe that leaves me at risk to go early too. Do you have a similiar family history that could impact your decision?

    On the otherhand, I do think what you're both doing is really responsible. I know there's never a "right time" to have a child, but I"m glad you're thinking it through and actually trying to be financially stable before having a kid. Could you perhaps both go over the numbers of what potential day care/diapers/formula would cost, at least for year one and see if there's a compromise? Are you both planning on working once the babies here? If so, based on this potential budget, would there be anything else over at the end of the month to continue saving for the future?
  • What exactly does he want all this money for? Again not my business, but if it's more for future future, like college and the like, could you explore programs like the Gerber Growth whatever that is that are designed to save from the child's birth? If he wants to travel with that money, or move to a bigger house, could you explore what the cost would be and figure out exactly how much you'd need to save each month before reaching that time frame? Perhaps it's more affordable if it's further down the road? Just more thoughts if he needs to see it in black and white to really get it.

  • Mostly he wants a huge safety net and to be able to invest in business plans of friends, family, and our children. At the end of the day I'm just exasperated with him, but I'm getting some back up about it and hopefully he'll see reality a little bit more.
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  • Mostly he wants a huge safety net and to be able to invest in business plans of friends, family, and our children. At the end of the day I'm just exasperated with him, but I'm getting some back up about it and hopefully he'll see reality a little bit more.

    Am I reading that right?  He wants to invest in businesses with his friends and family?  If so, such a bad, bad idea.  Opening a new business is a very risky proposition anyway, even with a good business model and idea.  And it is harder to look at things objectively when friends/family are involved.  Its a recipe for destroying relationships...definitely if the business doesn't do well...and oftentimes, even if it does!
  • elisea92elisea92 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited April 2015

    Mostly he wants a huge safety net and to be able to invest in business plans of friends, family, and our children. At the end of the day I'm just exasperated with him, but I'm getting some back up about it and hopefully he'll see reality a little bit more.

    OH my gosh. If I have learned anything from my husband making "deals" or getting into business plans with friends and family, it is to NOT DO IT. I completely agree with short+sassy. It's such a bad idea. I've lost money and ruined relationships because of my husband getting involved with family/friends, and these involvements haven't even been investing in businesses! It's been selling a car to a friend and never getting his half of the bargain, getting involved in building a house, making poor investment decisions, choosing a realtor based off being a "friend". All of them did not help us in any way.

    I can agree with the safety net - 6+ months of expenses is what I have saved up, and I'm planning on saving more so I have hospital bills covered, but I would never do such a thing to get to my goal. It will backfire. 
  • I'd be really careful with investments, it's just like co-signing a loan. It's harder with friends and family because they're friends and family and you don't want to "nag" them. My husband co-signed a car loan for his brother and got screwed. His credit went down and he had to pay a fortune to keep the car on the road. We were going to ask the same brother to help with a small home renovation last year (since he's very handy) but it started off on the wrong foot, we couldn't even get him to swing by and get the specs to make sure what we wanted to do would work, yet he wanted to be paid for the work up front. Thankfully we put it off and now he's so busy with work he's forgotten about it. Long story short you don't want to lose a family member over a bad deal. Save the money for the baby, invest in a college plan or some sort of savings plan that the child can decide how to use at age 18+
  • I'm totally against mixing family and business too. Totally part of my existence based on how many times my father's tried "selling" me something. Luckily we've talked with our counselor who helped us calm down and communicate more efficiently. We've decided on a time table that we appreciate as well as practices we'd like put into action before TTC arrives. It a took a bit, but I finally got his mind off that $$ sign and onto when and how he'd like to start off fatherhood, which made all the difference.
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  • I'm glad to hear everything's going in the right direction. Hopefully things calm down and when you are ready to ttc things go smooth.
  • Glad to hear it!  Another case study for the magic of good communication and compromise ;).
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