Married Life
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

MY HUSBAND IS GETTING FAT!

When we met 10+ years ago, he was at a normal weight of about 175-185. A couple years ago he was diagnosed with VERY high cholesterol.He's never revealed his weight to me, but I'm guessing he was lingering around the 210-220 range. I think the cholesterol news scared him, so he started eating right and exercising. He lost some weight.

But over the past year, he's fallen off the wagon and he's definitely 210 lbs. or more by now. Eating Oreos, brownies, chips, candy, etc. And packing on pounds. It's not just about his weight, but his health overall. Along with high cholesterol comes risk for heart disease and diabetes. I'm not trying to be a widow in my early 30's!!!

I've tried to be proactive by buying him lots of fresh fruit and healthier snacks like peanuts and veggie chips. He doesn't want that stuff, or he'll have a little and let the rest spoil. His weakness is sweets/desserts.

For Christmas I even bought him a 6 week program with a personal trainer and dietician. It's been over a month and he still hasn't set the appointment.

I don't know what else to do. If I was the one packing on pounds, he'd definitely make a big deal about it.

Tips? Advice?


Re: MY HUSBAND IS GETTING FAT!

  • As someone who wants to lose weight and is trying, I will tell you that you can't force someone to lose weight.  They have to really want it and even then that's sometimes not enough.

    I went from 326 to 230 after following a very strict diet/workout plan.  Even had a personal trainer at one point.  I'm now back to 290.  It sucked.  I'm a meat, potatoes, junk food type of person.  I don't enjoy eating most vegetables.  Yes, I know they're good for me, but they're not what I enjoy eating.  I go to the gym after work every day, but I go because I'm trying to lose weight, not because I enjoy working out.  I want to feel full when I get up from the table, not eat some micro plate of food that leaves me wanting.

    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    puppylove2014
  • How tall is your DH? Anyhow if someone gave me a weight loss program as a gift, no matter how well intentioned, unless I had asked for it I would never use it. Have you ever been over weight? Are you projecting your feelings onto him when you say how he would react
    puppylove2014doeydo
  • I can sympathize with your concerns for your husband.  In my case, it isn't my husband that I'm concerned about, but some other family members (and they and their spouses share concern - as someone who is not their spouse, I would never say anything to them about their need to lose weight, but it is well known that serious health problems are arising along with their weight!!). 

    Some of these specific family members are the type that - when they actually put forth a little effort - the pounds melt away.  Some of the others have to work a little more at it.  Yet, with busy work schedules, and on-the-go lifestyles, it can be really difficult to find time to go to the gym (not to mention how difficult it is to find the motivation!), and convenient (unhealthy, packaged) food tends to be a staple. 

    Different spouses have employed different methods for encouraging their loved ones to gain healthier lifestyles with varied success.  I know one brother in law turned to healthy shakes/smoothies that he could drink on the go.  Some couples have tried to find physical activities that they can enjoy together instead of something boring (like riding bikes outdoors instead of running on a treadmill).  My sister drastically cut down the amount of processed foods and sweets brought in the house - it means she has to actually COOK (focusing on incorporating a variety of vegetables), but it was for the health of the whole family, and not just her husband (we could ALL do with fewer processed foods!!!).  Studies have shown that sweets can actually have an addicting affect.  The fewer sweets you consume, over time, the less you will crave them. 

    For many of the strategies (and the ones that remained the most successful overall), they require you to both switch to healthier lifestyles.  Exercise - together.  Cook healthy meals - together.  Cut out packaged, processed sweets - together.  Someone who is not overweight is not necessarily healthy.  The goal is to have healthier bodies....also having skinnier bodies may or may not be a byproduct. 

    If your husband's health scare whipped him into shape last time, then make sure that he has a yearly doctor's visit.  If he is at risk for things like high cholesterol, then he really needs to monitor it. 
  • edited January 2015
    TSNNMM said:
    When we met 10+ years ago, he was at a normal weight of about 175-185. A couple years ago he was diagnosed with VERY high cholesterol.He's never revealed his weight to me, but I'm guessing he was lingering around the 210-220 range. I think the cholesterol news scared him, so he started eating right and exercising. He lost some weight.

    But over the past year, he's fallen off the wagon and he's definitely 210 lbs. or more by now.

    Weight loss has to be maintained --- I remember reading somewhere that only 10% of people who've lost a good chunk of weight have kept it off 5 years later.

    He is at an advantage --- men lose weight faster than women since they are mostly muscle and not much fat as compared to women, who are the opposite.  Weight Watchers will always give the male clients more to eat point wise than they do for the women, for that reason.



    Eating Oreos, brownies, chips, candy, etc. And packing on pounds. It's not just about his weight, but his health overall. Along with high cholesterol comes risk for heart disease and diabetes. I'm not trying to be a widow in my early 30's!!!

    Not healthy...and he knows as well as you and I do that he can't keep eating lots of junk.

    I've tried to be proactive by buying him lots of fresh fruit and healthier snacks like peanuts and veggie chips. He doesn't want that stuff, or he'll have a little and let the rest spoil. His weakness is sweets/desserts.

    For Christmas I even bought him a 6 week program with a personal trainer and dietician. It's been over a month and he still hasn't set the appointment.

    I don't know what else to do. If I was the one packing on pounds, he'd definitely make a big deal about it.

    Tips? Advice?


    I wonder what is eating him? I wonder if he's struggling with a problem of some kind -- maybe a stressful job -- and that's why he's doing what he is doing.

    You can sit down and talk to him, and cook light and get him to brown bag his lunches--- but the rest is up to him.  He's the only one who can help himself; weight loss is like smoking --- you have to give it up "for you" and for nobody else (not your spouse or your SO or because your doctor says "you have to" --- you have to do it strictly because you want to.

    This is a great opportunity to turn your home into a "less junk around" zone --- use honey instead of white sugar and cook with something like olive oil, almond oil or coconut oil (skip the shitty vegetable oil; it's shitty and not as healthy as the 3 alternatives I just named).

    Look into roasting or baking versus frying this or that.

    And you still cannot beat a borwn bag lunch --- you'll save money plus it's a lot healthier for you, whether or not you're a health nut.

    I am a big advocate of "no salt" --- I did Weight Watchers a very long time ago and I didn't lose much weight --- but I did cut out using tons of salt (I was a real salt freak) and I have been driinking fat free milk ever since.:)  I still cook with salt but only use a very little bit.

    As a last ditch effort, you might sit down and show him an old photo of him and tell him how hot he looked and that h would love it if he could be hot and lean and mean again.  Us fat asses are the first to know we need to lose weight and motivation is the name of the game.

    Doctors are not as bad assed as they used to be --- if you came into a doc's offfice and you gained even 10 pounds, wow --- you used to have your ass torn to a shred by the doctor. Not anymore. They either say nothing or give you a lame "I hope you're going to lose a few pounds..." People used to be shit scared of going to a doc's office with a weight gain on their ass. Not anymore.

    Americans on the whole do not eat right and they do not eat the right way. Everything is "on the run" (the hour lunch for employees where you actually get to sit down and eat at your leisure seems to be disappearing; everybody is "always at the office" now, what with working your way through lunch) and you grab what is convenient to eat.


  • You can't force him to lose weight.  I'd say the only thing you can do is make it known that you will support him whatever his choices, but otherwise, this has to come from him.  If you force this too much, he might just end up resenting you.

    If you personally want to eat healthier, you can cook healthy meals for you to eat and he can choose to eat it too or not.  If you are looking for tasty healthy meals, try looking around the What's for Dinner board.
    puppylove2014
  • Weight Watchers will allow pretty much any food there is on the planet --- it's all about moderation and portion control. He can still have his Oreos, his ice cream and whatever else he likes for desserts.

  • Guys seem to do better with the working out part, and then they can eat what they want. Go for a walk WITH HIM in the evenings and/or go to the gym as a couple. Peanuts and veggie chips are not healthy snacks. Get some almonds if you want a nut. Stop ragging on him and go play basketball with him. Just get moving.
    ********************************************* ================================================== *********************************************
    puppylove2014TarponMonoxide
  • Cooking light will help --- but even if he brown bags it, he could still stop off somewhere at a bakery or candy store or the vending machine at work and load up on the junk he wants to eat.

    You could suggest that you and he sign up for a couples activity where the 2 of you can get some exercise and spend some quality time together -- what about couples only ballroom dance lessons or coed sports lessons, like kickbox, volleyball or tennis?

    Walking together will help, too.

    There's got to be something he can swap out for the desserts and sweets he likes to eat.  You still have to eat fruit, regardless of whether or not you are normal weight or trying to lose; you still need Vitamin C and you still need the fiber fruit provides.
  • edited February 2015
    Maybe you should just have an honest conversation with him about your worries. Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do beyond that and the habits that PPs have mentioned (encourage his healthy choices by having healthy food in the house, making leftovers and encourage him to bring them for lunch rather than buying something unhealthy on the go, and not buying processed food… maybe you could also make cookies from scratch to satisfy his sweet tooth. They're not great, but better than alternatives filled with preservatives and other chemicals.)

    I had a similar experience with my husband. He smoked when we first met eight years ago and I was extremely worried about the negative health effects of his habit and worried that he would get cancer later in life (some of his smoking family members have had lung cancer). We had numerous conversations over a course of two years about my worries until he finally quit. My point is that it's a process and it takes time and, ultimately, he will only change if he wants to change; that being said, I don't think that means you sit on the sidelines and watch the person you love hurt themselves. 

    I think you have to be conscious of the fact that having conversations about weight is very tricky because it can detrimentally affect self-confidence and your sex life (if he thinks you don't find him attractive or you wish he looked differently). Be sure to emphasize you have concerns about his health, period. 


  • I'm with PPs - I think gentle encouragement and more movement will help the most.  Ultimately weight loss is only something he can choose for himself.  I'm currently on a healthkick, and I've found that as I've started dropping a few pounds my husband is more and more interested in copying a few habits.  I'd also agree with the moving more thing - one simple change we've done is when we go out for a drink in the evenings we pick a bar a little further away and walk there and back.  Adding a little three-or-four mile walk negates a little the impact of a drink or two.
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards