I am so frustrated and need some objective advice. I have been a vegetarian since I was very young. (I know that some vegetarians are obnoxious and some of you have very strong opinions about this, so if you can get past that piece I would appreciate it--lol). I work very hard not to make a big deal of it. For instance, I never make a fuss at a dinner party, I don't demand special foods be made for me, I don't throw a fit if someone eats it, or preach to anyone. I am the "black sheep" in my family on this point so I am used to just sucking it up.
That being said I don't eat meat because of my personal beliefs. They are beliefs that are very important to me. There are a few things that, if I see them on a menu, I prefer not to eat at that restaurant again. Or, I if I see those things on a menu in advance, I work hard to find another option. I also have a really sensitive gag reflex to one particular odor and so if I see that item is a hot ticket on menu, I will usually skip the restaurant or sit far away from the kitchen.
Lately, my SO has been very lax about planning holiday events at restaurants that I normally would not dine in. Sometimes the plans were made in advance by others, so I have just had to grin and politely bear it , but sometimes my SO has planned it. I fear I have been a bit too accommodating on this point and it has blown up beyond what it should have. He is very aware of my feelings, but again, I have tried really hard not to be a pain.
This all culminated in my SO and a mutual friend planning an expensive "chef's experience" a well known restaurant--this is where you sit in or right outside the kitchen and have several courses. I didn't know it was being planned, but when I was told and took a look at the menu, I saw that every reason on earth that I could not sit in a kitchen and eat at this place was there.
When I talked to my SO and let him know I could not join in--though he was welcome to go without me, and I meant that--I was disappointed that he didn't take the time to consider my feelings. He was defensive, basically saying I was just being jerky and they were just trying to do something nice "for me". Huh? My mutual friend was also pretty rude about it, calling me the next day to tell me how great the experience was, how it would have been FINE if I went, etc. So I tried to discuss it with her, explain my feelings nicely, even saying, "oh well, you didn't know, my SO should have discussed it with me, sorry for the inconvenience". I got lots of attitude about how I feel about the topic.
At this point, I feel ganged up on. I also feel like I have been a pushover and brought this on myself. But I also don't want to be a pain in the butt. I need my SO and my friend to understand that I am not being difficult--it really upsets me and makes me feel ill to be in certain environments. Advice? Thanks in advance