Relationships
Dear Community,

Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.

If you have questions about this, please email [email protected]

Thank you.

Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.

Friends with baby

Me and my husband's best friends (married couple) of over 10 years had their first baby in July. My husband and I have been on the fence for years about whether we want children or not. We love kids and we've always seen ourselves having kids, but timing just hasn't been right yet. Of course, we constantly get the question "when are you guys going to have kids?". Our friends know how irritating it can be to constantly get that question but now that they've had a baby, it seems to be all they can talk about. We rarely see them now and when we do, all they talk about is baby and try to persuade us into having one. They recently took me out for dinner for my birthday (husband was out of town so it was just us) and all they could talk about the entire time was baby. I've made it pretty clear that when and if we decide to have a baby it probably won't be for another year. We just bought a house and want to settle in before getting pregnant and to also make sure our finances are in order. I feel like we shouldn't be pressured into having kids because when it comes down to it, it's our decision. I think our friends are feeling left out now that they have a baby and we have gone on about our normal lives. I can understand that they want us to be at the same place as them, but just because they decided to have a baby doesn't mean we're ready to take that leap too. Tonight we are meeting up with them for dinner and I'm worried that the same conversation is going to happen again. I left dinner the other weekend feeling annoyed and disappointed that that was all we could talk about all evening. My friends know me well and they know that pressure doesn't work on me - it actually drives me further away. So their plan to constantly nag me to have a baby is just pushing me further away from wanting one. I'm someone who needs to do things MY way and I will have a baby when I'm good and ready. How should I handle the situation if it arises again? I'm really tired of talking about this with them.

Re: Friends with baby

  • While it is typical for new parents to constantly talk about their baby, pressuring friends to do the same is unacceptable. Your friends need to be respectful of your timeline for having a child. Honestly, this isn't any of their business and they do not have the right to push their views and choices on you.

    There's no need to worry about what your friends will say the next time you see them because you can stand up for yourself. Be polite yet firm about your timeline for having babies and let your friends know that you do not want to be pressured. If they can't stop adding their two cents, you can always distance yourself. 
    short+sassy
  • Maybe your friends have tunnel vision right now because they had their first child and are going through so many other 'firsts' with the baby. Maybe they don't realize that they are pressuring you. At times, the first thing some of our friends will say 'it's your turn now' or 'are you guys planning yet?' already knowing that we will probably say no. It just seems like automatic topic to bring up, but they're not really taking it seriously. If you're friends are truly pressuring you I would just stick to the same statement that you you guys aren't ready yet: 'Why?' 'Don't want one right now.' 'But it's the great thing in the world' 'Okay, still don't want one right now. Hey, did what do you think about deflate gate?' They'll eventually get tired of the same answer. Treat it very light hearted and non nonchalant if you can. I don't think they mean to upset you, they've just lost their sight on how their friends' lives are in different places. If you find that your conversations are all about their baby, change it. Interject about a story, idea, ect. that just popped into your mind and you HAVE to tell them before you forget. Or even ask them about something not baby related (may be a little difficult).
    short+sassy
  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    If they are such good friends, then it 's time to say "Please stop pressuring us. I know you're excited but we're not there yet and this is starting to bother me."
    GilliCStevie+AvL
  • You're friends. You should be able to talk about this, and you should be able to tell them exactly what you told us: You want kids, but you won't be having them right away, and the pressure is making you uncomfortable. Your friends should want you to be happy, so if you explain to them that they're making things awkward, they should be willing to back off.

    However, you should also be willing to hear about the baby, because that's what first-time parents do. And the baby often takes up so much time/energy that they don't have too much else to talk about. Try to steer the conversation onto other topics, but don't resent them for being "ZOMG baby!!!!" Only put your foot down when they cross the line into pressuring you about your own decisions.
    image
  • I came across a quote once that was something like, "Families with children and families without children each feel sorry for the other."  I think that's true to an extent.  
    short+sassy
  • I agree with PP that it's time to say, "while we are happy for you and the joy you have with your baby, we aren't ready at this point to have a baby ourselves. Hey, did you see who is performing for half time at the super bowl?"

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards