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My boyfriend is moving away... #hotmess

My boyfriend of a year (who i just recently moved in with) got a job offer in a different state and is taking it. I want to be supportive and proud but i am breaking inside. When i asked him why he didnt ask me to go his response was, well you cant you have work and your family here. After i told him that i would move with him he said that its not fair for me to move to be with him when he doesnt even know if the job will work out and he doesnt want me moving back and forth... noble right? but then when i mentioned long distance he responded with "long distance relationships never work and it jsut make things worst."  he doesnt want us to end on a bad note.. if he does end up coming back he doesnt want anything bad between us... but why cant we try? I dont want to give up one us. Up untill this point everything has been amazing! its not even like this is a bad time between us.. everything was perfect 2 days ago. i need help! i want to be supportive girlfriend (this is an amazing opportunity adn i was his number 1 pusher for it) but i love him so much i dont know what i am going to do with out him. I dont want to find someone else, i dont want to be here alone,,, Its not only that my boyfriend is moving away adn we are "breaking up" (those words have not been used officially). but he is my best freind... what am i supposed to do without my best friend, my partner, my love?

Re: My boyfriend is moving away... #hotmess

  • I think if your bf is taking a job and tells you he doesn't want you to come too, and that he doesn't want a long distance relationship, he is telling you he wants to break up.

    Heck, I'd even think he has some "options" in the new city for a replacement for you already lined up.

    ...just take the (BIG A$$) hint he is giving you... he's just not that into you.

  • I hate to say it but honestly, i think Emiliana7 is right.. if you want to be with someone you will do whatever it takes to make it work. (I was in a long distance relationship for a year and a half with my bf. We never once thought lets just not be together. We truly loved each other and thought we could make it work; which we did) .. If your relationship was that important to him he would either A) Let you come too or B) Long distance.. the fact that he doesn't want to even try either one gives off the impression that its really not that important to him. 
  • I hate to say it, but it sounds like he just wants to break up. 

     I went through a similar thing awhile back, my boyfriend of 3 years moved away to go to school and he said the same things to me. I offered to go with him, find a job there for myself, and he resisted it. He also said long distance relationships never work. And broke up with me a month after moving away and after cheating on me. 

     My current boyfriend and I have been doing our relationship long distance for almost a year. And it's so different when it's with the right person. 

    You two need to talk.  At the very least, ask him why it seems like he doesn't want to be with you anymore. 

  • image rkarlen6:
    My boyfriend of a year (who i just recently moved in with) got a job offer in a different state and is taking it. I want to be supportive and proud but i am breaking inside. When i asked him why he didnt ask me to go his response was, well you cant you have work and your family here. After i told him that i would move with him he said that its not fair for me to move to be with him when he doesnt even know if the job will work out and he doesnt want me moving back and forth... noble right? but then when i mentioned long distance he responded with "long distance relationships never work and it jsut make things worst."  he doesnt want us to end on a bad note.. if he does end up coming back he doesnt want anything bad between us... but why cant we try? I dont want to give up one us. Up untill this point everything has been amazing! its not even like this is a bad time between us.. everything was perfect 2 days ago. i need help! i want to be supportive girlfriend (this is an amazing opportunity adn i was his number 1 pusher for it) but i love him so much i dont know what i am going to do with out him. I dont want to find someone else, i dont want to be here alone,,, Its not only that my boyfriend is moving away adn we are "breaking up" (those words have not been used officially). but he is my best freind... what am i supposed to do without my best friend, my partner, my love?

    I'm confused... are you both avoiding this conversation?  Had he said "when I move, we see other people"?  I think you guys are in limbo right now and should really have a discussion about this.  It would be better to know for sure where you're at, don't you think?  I agree with the other posters here, it does sound like he wants to end things but you won't know for sure without this conversation.  I'm really sorry though, good luck.

  • It's over. Deal.
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  • Agree with PPs.  He wants out and this was the nicest way he could come up with to do it. 
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  • image Kimbus22:
    Agree with PPs.  He wants out and this was the nicest way he could come up with to do it. 
    I'd actually call this the wimpy way out.  He's not even man enough to own up to what's really going on. 
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  • image Emiliana7:

    I think if your bf is taking a job and tells you he doesn't want you to come too, and that he doesn't want a long distance relationship, he is telling you he wants to break up.

    Heck, I'd even think he has some "options" in the new city for a replacement for you already lined up.

    ...just take the (BIG A$$) hint he is giving you... he's just not that into you.

     I have to agree with this. Chin up and separate with dignity.

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  • My DH and I were in an LDR for nearly our entire one and a half year engagement- not just an LDR, but a cross-continental LDR- and that's not even counting the years before that when we were getting to know each other again after years of being apart. He's Australian, I'm American, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I did it because I loved him. He did it because he loved me. An LDR is hard, but it's not as hard as it could be when you genuinely love the person on the other end.

    I agree with PPs. I know this is hard to hear, but if a man really loves you he will move heaven and earth to make sure that you stay in his life. Put on your big girl shorts, have the difficult conversation, and do the dignified thing.

    I feel bad for you- I genuinely do. But he's telling you something loud and clear that he's too cowardly to come straight out and say- and why would you want to be with someone who doesn't even respect you enough to be honest with you? 

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  • image Emiliana7:

    I think if your bf is taking a job and tells you he doesn't want you to come too, and that he doesn't want a long distance relationship, he is telling you he wants to break up.

    Heck, I'd even think he has some "options" in the new city for a replacement for you already lined up.

    ...just take the (BIG A$$) hint he is giving you... he's just not that into you.

     

    This.. He is trying to tell you in a nice way he doesn't want to be with you anymore.  Just move on. 

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  • image BarbourWales04:

    My DH and I were in an LDR for nearly our entire one and a half year engagement- not just an LDR, but a cross-continental LDR- and that's not even counting the years before that when we were getting to know each other again after years of being apart. He's Australian, I'm American, and it was the hardest thing I've ever done. But I did it because I loved him. He did it because he loved me. An LDR is hard, but it's not as hard as it could be when you genuinely love the person on the other end.

    I agree with PPs. I know this is hard to hear, but if a man really loves you he will move heaven and earth to make sure that you stay in his life. Put on your big girl shorts, have the difficult conversation, and do the dignified thing.

    I feel bad for you- I genuinely do. But he's telling you something loud and clear that he's too cowardly to come straight out and say- and why would you want to be with someone who doesn't even respect you enough to be honest with you? 

    I couldn't have said it better myself.
  • It's obvious that you have serious communication issues. It is not "noble" that he wants you to stay with your job and family, it is crappy that he wouldn't have a discussion with you about your relationship, the future and what this decision means for you all. I agree w/ PPs that hhe has no interest in this relationship and this is his easy way out. Take the hint and move on.
  • So I am in the same boat here, and since this was written a few years ago, I wanted to know how everything worked out for you.
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