Ok, so I've got myself in a bit of a pickle so I've come here for some reassurance/advice on the alarm bells I've got going off in my head. Also, a warning - this could be a long post!
A bit of background first... So 4 months ago, my 18 year old sister got together with this guy (9 years her elder) - for the purpose of this post I'm going to change their names to Bob (the guy) and Lisa (my sister). A month or two prior, she had split up with her girlfriend of 3 years (she came out as bisexual, and then a lesbian about 4 years ago). For the past few years, shes wanted to become a midwife, and planned her college courses around this, and was planning on going to University. Despite being an intelligent girl, she comes across as rather immature.
I'll try and do this as a rough timeline to make it clearer!
After roughly 1 month (of incredibly 'soppy' Facebook statuses on Bob's side might I add), they got engaged. Heated discussions were exchanged between Lisa and Mum about whether it was a good idea to get engaged so soon, and later that day my other little sister (less call her Sophie) overheard Bob say that my Mum was the C-word to Lisa. All this is doing my Mum no favours being a sufferer of severe recurrent depression and Fibromyalgia (a chronic pain condition which is aggravated by stress).
After 2 months, they moved in together, and Lisa ignored the entire family for 4 weeks, including Sophie with whom she used to text/snapchat/talk to all day, everyday. I asked both Bob and Lisa for their new address so I could send them a new home card and Bob told me they didn't want to tell anyone.
Then Lisa contacted Sophie out of the blue one day (this would be month 3 of dating now), and Sophie went to visit them. Slowly Lisa began to communicate with the family again. It emerged that Lisa had dropped out of college, at which she was studying for her A-Levels and resitting her English GCSE (she didn't do as well in her GCSE's as predicted, due to being in and out of hospital for pneumonia for 4 months, causing her to miss a LOT of school). Up to this point, she had lied profusely about this (along with many other things like her taking up smoking), and we all knew she was lying as my mum was receiving calls and letters from the college warning expulsion.
I contacted Bob over Facebook, asking what was going on as I was receiving worrying messages from my Mum, and he said "she has got a second job and is investing in our future together". He also lied about her being in college still.
Just after Lisa and Bobs 4 month anniversary celebrations, Lisa went round the families for dinner and apparently after an hour and a half she told everyone she was 6-8 weeks pregnant, before breaking down in tears (of devastation apparently). My mum doesn't know what to do with herself. She has already said she will give up everything to make sure the child gets a good upbringing and I don't doubt that for a second. However, at the same she feels like she is a bad mother who didn't teach her kids well enough (even though she did!). Lisa has also announced they will be getting married before baby is born, and then be having a proper ceremony to renew vows after (although on only one wage coming from a part-time, 0 hour contract job at a supermarket, I am struggling to see how realistic an idea this is).
And that's an overview of the last 4 months.
Here's where my alarm bells are chiming... And it's mostly about Bob.
1. Whenever I've messaged Lisa, or messaged them both in the same conversation, it's hardly ever Lisa that replies. Nearly always Bob.
2. Bob has only been to the family home once or twice. He didn't go with Lisa when she announced the pregnancy.
3. Bob has been married once, for 3 weeks.
4. Bob was supposed to be marrying another girl this year (2014) who he referred to as his "partner in life" many times on his Facebook before he started dating my sister.
5. He has a child with another lady. (Don't get me wrong, he might just have a lot of bad luck, but he seems to work very quickly and fall in and out of love a little too easily!)
6. He has no job.
Basically something doesn't feel right. I haven't met the guy yet, but from what I've seen on his Facebook, and the way he speaks about Lisa to me over message, he comes across as controlling, smothering and generally a bit suspicious and it worries me.
Another thing which has got me confused is that Lisa has been on the receiving end of a broken (and forced) marriage. My mum and stepdad got divorced after 13 years, due to him having an affair. They had 3 kids together, Lisa included, all of whom had a hard time coping with it. They got married because his parents didn't want a 'b-stard' grandchild. They loved each other to bits, but didn't feel ready to marry. My dad and my mum were together for 5 years, never married, and split when I was one as he turned into an a-hole when I was born. With all this in mind, I don't get how she is so ready to go straight into marriage with no suspicions of what might happen.
Now, I might be reading too much into things - I had an abusive relationship with my siblings Dad for the 13 years him and my mum were married, which left me rather un-trusting of men, so it could be I'm just being paranoid. That being said, I'm now very happily married. I thought I married my husband quickly (we were married after 3 years), but with Lisa it all just seems a little too fast? I'm generally open-minded (or at least I thought I was). I'm not bothered about the age difference, and if they love each other that much, then why not get married if it feels right.
I'm just worried that my sister is being a bit ignorant. Since she is missing one of the standard 3 GCSE's (C's in maths, english and science), I'm worried she is going to find it difficult to get well-paid jobs. If she decides to go back to college in a few years, she will have to pay for it and with a baby in the mix I don't know how she will afford this. She doesn't seem to realise how difficult it could be and seems hung up on having a 'cute' baby, without taking any precautionary steps.
I really do hope it works out for both of them and the baby... but realistically in this kind of situation, it doesn't often work out.
Am I right to be worried? She is very stubborn and often takes things for face value, and when things go wrong, she always finds a way to blame other people, so how do I tell her I'm worried without her taking it as if I don't believe in her and am attacking her in some way.
If you've read all of this, then thanks. Any advice/kicks up the butt is appreciated!