Family Matters
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Gifts for Estranged Family Members?

Hi Everyone!

As I mentioned some months back, I've been estranged from my mom, brother, and a cousin since July.  I have had zero contact with them since then, with the exception of me calling my mom on her birthday at the end of September to wish her a Happy Birthday.  (That did not go well, as I literally called to say "Happy Birthday," and when she realized I wasn't going to sweep things under the rug, she went apeshit and tried to antagonize me into a fight.  I maintained my calm, said I was calling to do the decent thing, clearly she did not appreciate that, and to have a lovely day.  Then I hung up.)

So now the holidays are coming, and I'm seriously debating what to do.  DH and I are planning on sending them all our standard Christmas card (the Vistaprint photo collage) that we're sending to everyone.  And I'm wondering...do I buy and mail gifts as well?  I am torn on whether or not it's shitty not to send SOMETHING, but part of me feels like it'd be a waste of money.  And I can think of other people I'd rather spend that money on.

What say you?

Re: Gifts for Estranged Family Members?

  • Hi Everyone!

    As I mentioned some months back, I've been estranged from my mom, brother, and a cousin since July.  I have had zero contact with them since then, with the exception of me calling my mom on her birthday at the end of September to wish her a Happy Birthday.  (That did not go well, as I literally called to say "Happy Birthday," and when she realized I wasn't going to sweep things under the rug, she went apeshit and tried to antagonize me into a fight.  I maintained my calm, said I was calling to do the decent thing, clearly she did not appreciate that, and to have a lovely day.  Then I hung up.)

    So now the holidays are coming, and I'm seriously debating what to do.  DH and I are planning on sending them all our standard Christmas card (the Vistaprint photo collage) that we're sending to everyone.  And I'm wondering...do I buy and mail gifts as well?  I am torn on whether or not it's shitty not to send SOMETHING, but part of me feels like it'd be a waste of money.  And I can think of other people I'd rather spend that money on.

    What say you?
    If she is this terrible to you, please cut her off.

    I cannot see the sense in sending this person a gift of any kind. Card...but no gift.
  • I'm going through something similar and I've decided not to send a gift. You can send a card if you like, but do you think these people will put any effort into your relationship with them? If the answer is no, I would consider not even sending a card.
  • I've decided not to send gifts, and to just send the generic Vistaprint photo collage cards.

    Thanks for the support, you guys!
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