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Caught my friend in my purse

Last weekend I caught my friend in my pocketbook (in my wallet specifically). When I caught her I was shocked, naturally. The first thing I said to her was "Umm you're in my pocketbook." Then I said "Oh you must be looking for my earring." I lost an earring that day. I said that because I didn't know what to say but I am really pissed. I have not seen her since the incident and to be honest do not feel comfortable being friends with her anymore.

Even though I lost an earring, I did not tell her to go in my purse to look for it. If she asked me if it was ok to go in my pocket book it would not bother me so much but I caught her in my purse without my permission. She is a relatively new friend so I fear identity theft. Nothing seems to be missing but I am nervous that she could have taken a picture of my credit cards, license. I don't carry my social security card, thankfully.

I always got a weird feeling about her and my aunt with great intuition smells bad news.

I don't know whether to:

1. Delete her as a friend on FB. She will get the hint.

2. Message her on FB and delete her.

3. Slowly distance myself away from her and make excuses that I can't go out.


I have the creeps now and don't feel comfortable being around her. There are a couple of other shady things I've noticed about her I don't feel like typing. Just want to know how you guys would handle this. I know, I know I should have flipped out on her that day but like I said I was shocked and giving her the benefit of the doubt. She really had no business in my purse (WALLET). Totally freaked out.

Re: Caught my friend in my purse

  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you don't want to be friends, you don't have to. Distance yourself politely, and let the friendship fade on its own. And watch your stuff when she's around.
    image
  • catsareniice1catsareniice1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    GilliC said:
    If you don't want to be friends, you don't have to. Distance yourself politely, and let the friendship fade on its own. And watch your stuff when she's around.
    Thanks for your feedback. Curious of what everyone thinks. I was leaning in this direction but and starting to feel like I should cut her off in case she is a criminal or tied with seedy people. Now, I am leaning toward unfriending her on FB and telling her why. Not sure how to phase my message. This is nerve so wracking!! I wish people didn't suck! I am creeped out!!
  • Curious to hear other responses. What does everyone else think?
  • If you decide not the unfriend on FB you can at least limit your privacy settings so she can't see anything.  I probably would think someone was in there for a legit reason, but it sounds like there are some other red flags.  I wouldn't immediately jump to identity theft or criminal mastermind.  I think the best case is just to not talk to her again, and make it so she can't see anything on FB.  If she initiates contact (she might not), then you can say something like it kind of weirded you out when she was going through your purse and just leave it at that. 
  • Ok. I've decided to unfriend her but would like to leave her a message.

    Should I mention in the message that I am upset that she was in my purse and can no longer be friends with her or leave a general message saying I don't feel comfortable being friends with you after last week? Mention the purse or don't? I don't know if she knows dangerous people is why I am asking what the right thing to do is.

  • I decided to mention what she did. I would have to tell her at some point anyway. Honesty is the best policy.
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2014
    What is the point of telling her after you make the decision that you don't want to be her friend? You're not giving her the chance to explain or make up for it, and you're basically accusing her to her face of being a criminal.
    image
  • catsareniice1catsareniice1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    GilliC said:
    What is the point of telling her after you make the decision that you don't want to be her friend? You're not giving her the chance to explain or make up for it, and you're basically accusing her to her face of being a criminal.
    She was in my purse, specifically my wallet without my permission.  
  • Curtail the friendship.

    That's all you need to do.

    No way I would continue a friendship with somebody who rummaged through my personal effects.
  • First I would make sure to check my credit card statements online on pretty much a daily basis for the next couple of weeks, if not longer, to monitor the daily activity to make sure there are no charges that shouldn't be there.It's one thing if she was going through your purse for some aspirin or some gum but she was in your wallet. I don't I would be able to trust someone who was going through my wallet without being asked. And if I can't trust her to be around my purse when I'm not around or I'm not going feel comfortble inviting her into my home either. Which basically comes down to, if you can't trust a person, why be friends with them. I would just unfriend her & not responsd to calls/texts. If she asks what happened, then you can tell her, that ever since you found her going through your wallet you don't feel like you can trust her & you can't be friends with people you can't trust.
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer


    GilliC said:

    What is the point of telling her after you make the decision that you don't want to be her friend? You're not giving her the chance to explain or make up for it, and you're basically accusing her to her face of being a criminal.

    She was in my purse, specifically my wallet without my permission.  

    Why did you need to tell her why you're ending the friendship? Apparently it was not to give her a chance to explain, so what were you hoping to achieve?

    (Genuinely curious)

    image
  • GilliC said:
    GilliC said:
    What is the point of telling her after you make the decision that you don't want to be her friend? You're not giving her the chance to explain or make up for it, and you're basically accusing her to her face of being a criminal.
    She was in my purse, specifically my wallet without my permission.  
    Why did you need to tell her why you're ending the friendship? Apparently it was not to give her a chance to explain, so what were you hoping to achieve?

    (Genuinely curious)
    Because I let a week go by after the incident. Also, I would want an explanation as to why someone decided to drop me as a friend. In this case, I think she would have figured it out but felt I had to get my feelings out.
  • There is no need for further communication.  Seriously.  I know you want desperately to write something to her, but it is overkill.  Just let it go and consider this an easily learned lesson that she is possibly not a trustworthy person.

    If you make a big thing of it and you are wrong, you will just look like an ass.  
  • There is no need for further communication.  Seriously.  I know you want desperately to write something to her, but it is overkill.  Just let it go and consider this an easily learned lesson that she is possibly not a trustworthy person.

    If you make a big thing of it and you are wrong, you will just look like an ass.  
    I agree. I just told her how I feel and told her to not contact me again. In fact, I didn't and will not be responding to her last message. Done.
  • You actually told her not to contact you again?
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
  • catsareniice1catsareniice1 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2014
    You actually told her not to contact you again?
    Yes. She was in my stuff without asking me. Creeped me out.
  • Has anyone had an experience like this? How did you handle it?
  • pinkittypinkitty member
    Ancient Membership 5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited August 2014
    What was her response? Did she give an explanation?
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • pinkitty said:
    What was her response? Did she give an explanation?
    I said, "Um you're in my pocketbook." than I said, "You must be looking for my lost earring." So, of course she agreed. I should not have given the reason but was shocked so that's what rolled out of my mouth at the time.
  • So, I think I'm super late to the party buuuut...don't send her a Facebook message to end a friendship. I had a friend do that and honestly I feel like there was just this huge misunderstanding with the result that someone I loved (as a friend) said some really awful things about me and cut me out of her life.

    The worst way to end a relationship of any kind.
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