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Soon to be In-Law issues.

Hey everyone, I'm writing you now from work so I'm in a little bit of a hurry but I would love to hear your options on my current situation. Myself and my fiance have been together now for close to a year when we first started dating there was some.. issues when we moved in together his family didn't like me because well I took away their baby. so, now that were starting a life together engaged and such I'm worried that more drama is going to happen. How should I handle his mother, I can tell she's going to want everyone and their dogs invited, and I know that when we go to get a new place she's going to kick up a stink about that. I don't know what to do about her, she's always trying to get him to leave me and just being a pain in the butt sometimes. Help! 

Re: Soon to be In-Law issues.

  • We need more information than that.  Has your FMIL asked to invite a million people?  What do you want for your wedding?  What does your FI want for your wedding?

    What types of confrontations have there been?  What does your FI say?

    From experience I can say that it doesn't matter what your in-laws say as long as your FI is on your side.  Does he stick up for you?  Has he created healthy boundaries with his family?  
    VOR
  • Hey everyone, I'm writing you now from work so I'm in a little bit of a hurry but I would love to hear your options on my current situation. Myself and my fiance have been together now for close to a year when we first started dating there was some.. issues when we moved in together his family didn't like me because well I took away their baby.

    I would have rethought him simply because you do not need animosity from anybody at all whatsoever.

    Why would you be willing to accept a relationship that comes complete with strife?

    so, now that were starting a life together engaged and such I'm worried that more drama is going to happen. How should I handle his mother, I can tell she's going to want everyone and their dogs invited, and I know that when we go to get a new place she's going to kick up a stink about that. I don't know what to do about her, she's always trying to get him to leave me and just being a pain in the butt sometimes. Help!


    She's always trying to get him to leave you?

    Might I ask why he hasn't told his mother to put up and shut up, because her behavior hurts YOU?

    If he has not gone to bat for you or if the at-bat session ended in a full blown strikeout, please rethink this guy.

    He is not grown up enough to be a husband and, in the fuutre, a father.

    As I said, I would rethink a guy who has a family that does not like you. Why do you even want part of a relatiohship like that?
  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    To follow on bluebird, yes, we need more information.

    But the biggest issue is your FI.  Where does he fall on this?  Does he defend you?  Does he tell him mom to back off?  Or does he kowtow to her and want to appease her at every turn?

    If it's the prior- while she may always be a pain, as long as he's on your side, there isn't much she can DO.  The two o fyou being a true TEAM will take some of the wind out of her sails. 

    If it's the latter - well, then... I'd put this marriage on hold for a LONG while until you can either get your FI to realize that he needs to back you up OR until you realize that this isn't a problem you really want to marry into.  Because if you don't find a solution BEFORE you get married, all of this will only get worse and you will be miserable.   Do NOT marry him thinking "Oh- once we get married, he'll back me up".  A wedding ring is NOT magic.  The man he is TODAY is the man he will be the day after you get married. 
    TarponMonoxide
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