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Family Birthdays....Do you do this?

DH's family are local and since we've been together we've attended every birthday on his Mom's side (Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncles, Brother) and it was fine.  We only do this with DH's mom's side.  These birthdays go: dinner, break, cake and ice cream then presents. (Totally like a child's bday)  We now have two kids (3.5 years and 9 weeks) and I think it might be time to be able to miss some of these birthdays, especially if they are not milestones.  Although when I brought this up to DH he has issues with it because it's something he enjoys doing; which I've always respected.  Also, before DS2 arrived, it was getting tough because DS1 would never want to eat (he'd barely eat cake and ice cream too) and would just want to play, which is fine, but he's the only kid that's ever there and then he gets bored.  Then when it's time to go, it takes an hour to say goodbye and get hugs in. Obviously this is my issue, but I'm wondering if any one else does this too.

Re: Family Birthdays....Do you do this?

  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    No.  I can't imagine having a party like that for ADULTS every single year, and then for EVERY adult in the family. 

    My advice - divide and conquer.  Your DH can go to these parties alone if he enjoys them.  You can stay home w/ the kids.  And really- having TWO young kids w/ different nap/sleep schedules is the perfect excuse.
    CJ12211TarponMonoxide
  • edited June 2014
    I think this is crazy.

    My xILs used to do this for every single occcasion, too: for the uncles, the aunts, the cousins and the little kids.

    The celebrations also get very costly, gift giving wise. (these people weren't happy with something like a book or maybe a CD of music --- it had to be "a present.")

    They also had a huge celebration on Christmas Eve...another party...which means...yep, more presents.

    If it isn't a milestone birthday, I say skip the celebration with company and a big party. Limit it to only immediate family and maybe a cake.
  • Crazy.  I vote for letting DH go alone.  He enjoys it- he should go.  

    Personally, I think it's silly to have parties for adults every single year.  I haven't had a party with a cake since I was 16 years old.  Since college, H and I just go out to dinner together to a nice restaurant… because I'm a grown up and I don't need a cake and party and the whole shebang. 
  • DH and I don't have much family in our new town, but when we lived in our home town, his family was like what you're describing. We were expected to be at every birthday, including cousins, aunts and uncles, and anniversaries (which I had never heard of - who celebrates their anniversary with everyone!?) We started picking and choosing, especially after having our son. We also stopped trying to go to two places on the holidays and instead alternated with my family and dhs. His family wasn't very understanding though, which is part of why I love living far away!! We still get invited to things even though we are a three-day drive away. Send your DH by himself. If he gets upset, tell him to imagine what it would be like if your family all did the same thing. You'd never have a weekend to yourselves!!
    Disneygeek77
  • Yes! I was just coming to post this exact same problem- right down to the hour long goodbyes and hugs at the door when we leave. I always wonder why we're acting like we won't ever see each other again when it's only two weeks til the next stupid birthday party. I think I'm ready to tell my hubby that I need to cool it with all this and he can continue to go if it's important to him. I'll attend when it's a milestone. Also, interestingly, they do this for every family member except me, and tend to serve food I don't care for and even mention it ("oh sorry, I know you don't like this but we chose to serve it anyway. Hope you like fruit salad instead!")
  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    the hour long goodbyes

    OMG.  Hate these.  While really not quite an hour, what happens w/ my ILs is we do all our goodbyes at the door, then we walk out to the car....  followed by the ILs.  And they stand there STILL talking to us as we load up and then of course - we have to go through all the goodbyes again.

    DRIVES ME BATTY!!!!

  • kanela13 said:
    DH's family are local and since we've been together we've attended every birthday on his Mom's side (Mom, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncles, Brother) and it was fine.  We only do this with DH's mom's side.  These birthdays go: dinner, break, cake and ice cream then presents. (Totally like a child's bday)  We now have two kids (3.5 years and 9 weeks) and I think it might be time to be able to miss some of these birthdays, especially if they are not milestones.  Although when I brought this up to DH he has issues with it because it's something he enjoys doing; which I've always respected.  Also, before DS2 arrived, it was getting tough because DS1 would never want to eat (he'd barely eat cake and ice cream too) and would just want to play, which is fine, but he's the only kid that's ever there and then he gets bored.  Then when it's time to go, it takes an hour to say goodbye and get hugs in. Obviously this is my issue, but I'm wondering if any one else does this too.

    Lol, honestly, MY Mother does this!  She wants to still have a birthday party for all of her kids and her grandkids.  We have always done this.  Yes it gets very tiring.  Expensive.  Us, her own kids, try to tell her we don't need these birthday parties. I feel she just likes having reasons to get everyone together.   I admit, I enjoy getting together with my family, but these things can get a bit much. 

    We have actually skipped out on a few, but it were because we had other commitments.  My DH gets upset about it sometimes, but it just is the way it is.  I feel, may as well be thankful for having such a large loving family that enjoys getting together than a family who hates each other and never gets to see one another.  I am thankful we all live close enough to do this.  This is just me though.  I will tell you it gets annoying sometimes..  So I understand your side of things.

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  • What do you all consider "local"? I live 2&1/2 hours from my family (the same distance for my DH's family as well). On my side my mother wants to get together for Chistmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, Mother's & Father's Day, and if there is a month with no holidays or birthdays, she'll want to get together then too. More holidays use to be included & attendance mandatory but I just stopped going for those. Is this normal or too much? My DH & I are moving 3k miles away in 4mo to get some space from our families, among other reason of course.
  • My family is like this too.  We don't live close so we no longer attend every gathering.  I would just say you are busy and go less.  Also just cut the strings on the good bye.  My parents used to take an half hour to hour to leave the house every time we visited family.  I just pop out in 15 minutes.  No one is keeping you there.  Make your hugs and leave as soon as possible.  I don't care about adult birthdays, but I am trying to go for my nephew's birthdays and my sister tries to come for my kids' birthdays.  I never have people over for my or DH's birthday.  I guess I feel like what's the point?  If someone is around then we get a cake or just have immediate family eat the cake for our birthdays.  We only do a big thing for kids. 
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