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What do you think?

He keeps in touch with an ex girlfriend.  She has a child that he is fond of, but not his.  She did in-vitro, and he has known the child since the boy was born. 

Yesterday, the ex arrives at our door at 9:00 am.  We have a a summer home, and she was visiting friends in the same town.  She states she called ahead of time, and the son wanted to see him.  I do not like her because I feel she has crossed too many boundaries with us, and causes arguments. She tried to play nice with me, and I excused myself and went to the bedroom.  She followed me and questioned me about this, and said she only wants us to be happy.  I explained to please leave me alone, and I did not want to fight.  I also explained she has crossed boundaries.  She left crying, and said I was threatening to her!

 The three of them went to a donut shop, and were gone for about two hours.  I was livid, upset etc....  Later, I looked at his phone to see if she truly had called ahead of time.  Her name is in his phone as a fake name.  This upset me more than anything.  I feel betrayed.  I question if there is more going on than innocent phone calls and interactions. 

Today, I brought it up.  He responded he didn't know.  I responded with a F you.

What do you think?  I am upset!

Re: What do you think?

  • He keeps in touch with an ex girlfriend.  She has a child that he is fond of, but not his.  She did in-vitro, and he has known the child since the boy was born. 

    Yesterday, the ex arrives at our door at 9:00 am.  We have a a summer home, and she was visiting friends in the same town.  She states she called ahead of time, and the son wanted to see him.  I do not like her because I feel she has crossed too many boundaries with us, and causes arguments. She tried to play nice with me, and I excused myself and went to the bedroom.  She followed me and questioned me about this, and said she only wants us to be happy.  I explained to please leave me alone, and I did not want to fight.  I also explained she has crossed boundaries.  She left crying, and said I was threatening to her!

     The three of them went to a donut shop, and were gone for about two hours.  I was livid, upset etc....  Later, I looked at his phone to see if she truly had called ahead of time.  Her name is in his phone as a fake name.  This upset me more than anything.  I feel betrayed.  I question if there is more going on than innocent phone calls and interactions. 

    Today, I brought it up.  He responded he didn't know.  I responded with a F you.

    What do you think?  I am upset!

    Really, you sound pretty unnecessarily belligerent here. I mean, it is kind of threatening to say you 'don't want to fight' with someone who is apparently not trying to fight with you. This is pretty clearly a problem with him (husband? boyfriend?), not her, since he's the one lying to you.

    And yeah, bullshit he 'didn't know.' Didn't know what? That his phone has her number under a different name? The fuck he didn't. That's a huge red flag there.
    GilliCTofumonkeycdn0292
  • I would say that it's a him problem....he is clearly lying to you (her number under a different name...) I call the biggest pile of BS ever on the "I don't know" that sounds like an " I can't think of a legit reason so here is the most half-assed excuse I can muster......" type excuse

    I would sit him down and very clearly explain your issues and tell him you want the truth about whatever the "relationship" they have going on is......

    were you even invited to go with them to the donut shop? if so, why didn't you go? your choice or his?...very fishy

    Tofumonkey
  • I would not trust this guy.  He has her number under a different name??  That right there is just not normal.  Sorry girl, but something is fishy here.  You aren't a fan of him and this girl, he is lying to you about things regarding her.  Umm I would really get down to this.  If he is going to have this woman in his life, sorry but you should feel comfortable about the relationship.  He seems as if he wants to keep these things separate, and he is doing something wrong here...  Lots of questions...  A man, if he really loves you, should not be lying to you about something like this...  Just saying
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  • edited July 2014

    He keeps in touch with an ex girlfriend.  She has a child that he is fond of, but not his.  She did in-vitro, and he has known the child since the boy was born. 

    Yesterday, the ex arrives at our door at 9:00 am.  We have a a summer home, and she was visiting friends in the same town.  She states she called ahead of time, and the son wanted to see him.

    How rude of her not to call ahead of time and wow, what an imposition.

    I'd have told her straightaway when she was at the door "I am sorry, Mary, but we do not have time" and closed the door on her.

    Sounds to me like she lets this kid have her by the nose and that she wishes to have you and your H bu the nose.

    Nip this "hi just stopping in" bullshit in the bud. If you are not expecting her do not answer the door! Simple as that.


    I do not like her because I feel she has crossed too many boundaries with us, and causes arguments.

    That's because you did not MAKE any! Make some posthaste.

    And if the arguments are from your H where he goes "She can stop in anytime" NOPE. She cannot and you need to make sure he gets that part.

    Otherwise this is a her versus you thing and he is putting her before you. Don't stand for this.

    She tried to play nice with me, and I excused myself and went to the bedroom.  She followed me and questioned me about this, and said she only wants us to be happy.  I explained to please leave me alone, and I did not want to fight.  I also explained she has crossed boundaries.  She left crying, and said I was threatening to her!

    Nope, you need to get rid of her.

    I would go as far as to tell her she is not welcome in your home. Cried, really? tough for her. Probably SHE wanted to see your H, and pinned the rose on the kiddo. Get rid of her.

     The three of them went to a donut shop, and were gone for about two hours.  I was livid, upset etc....  Later, I looked at his phone to see if she truly had called ahead of time.  Her name is in his phone as a fake name.  This upset me more than anything.  I feel betrayed.  I question if there is more going on than innocent phone calls and interactions. 

    Uh huh...GET RID OF HER.  This is out of hand and who is he to vanish with her for 3 hours??? Uh, you could not come??? Why does she take precedence over YOU and what you and he have on tap for the day???

    Today, I brought it up.  He responded he didn't know.  I responded with a F you.

    Don't respond with an eff you.

    What do you think?  I am upset!

    As i said, he needs to end contact with her. Plain and simple.

    it ends right there. She does not visit he does not contact her and she does not contact him.

    Demand that he do this immediately.

    If he says no, you have a big problem on your hands. Don't let this chick run your marriage.

    This is shady as it gets and not right at all:

    Later, I looked at his phone to see if she truly had called ahead of time.  Her name is in his phone as a fake name.  This upset me more than anything.  I feel betrayed.  I question if there is more going on than innocent phone calls and interactions. 

    Something is fishy here indeed. He needs to end contact with her and if he does not, consider showing him the door. He fancies this chick, period.
  • doeydodoeydo member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think he's cheating.  The fake name thing, why would he do that unless he had something to hide with her?

    As for him leaving with her after your interacting with this girl, wow.  That spoke a lot to me, her over you.
    image
    Tofumonkey
  • ^^^^ I second this, I definitely think something is going on between them.
    Tofumonkey
  • I was ok with the situation figuring maybe they dated and realized they were better off as friends then dating & ended up best friends. That was until you mentioned that her phone number has a different persons name attached to it. That has me concerned.
    Tofumonkey
  • I would end it with him just based on the fake name! Have some respect for yourself and dump his lying ass!
  • Thank you! I thought we had things worked out, but recently found they talked on the phone the other day. Obviously, I feel there is more going on. I am beside myself feeling stupid, naive and betrayed.
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