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22 yr old son-Am I right?

My son is 22 yrs old, he graduated high school with honors and got a full scholarship for law school but after the first semester decided to quit college.  Then he said he wanted to become a graphic designer and so my DH and I paid for two years of school at the community college and he barely passed his classes, so we told him we would not be paying for anymore classes and that he should get a job.  He got himself a part time job and spends his free time and money playing video games with his group of friends that are all gamers.  He doesn't want to go to school or get a better job. 

This past weekend, he went out of town to a video game tournament and called out sick from work, I told him he has until September to move out.  I said he needs to learn responsibility and that the only way for him to learn it is if we cut the umbilical cord.  Well he got really angry and said that we are a**holes and that I will regret asking him to leave and that when I do he won't even give me the time of day.  My heart is broken because I didn't want to do this as he is my only son but I don't want him to continue being dependent on me.  Was it the right move to ask him to move?

TarponMonoxideBlueBirdMB

Re: 22 yr old son-Am I right?

  • VORVOR member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Yes, its the right thing to do.  Or otherwise you're setting him up for a life of being a mooch w/ no goals.  He needs to WORK for something.  You're doing no favors by letting him stay at home.
    butterflybaby28R.WilsonnyspikeincTarponMonoxide
  • VOR said:

    Yes, its the right thing to do.  Or otherwise you're setting him up for a life of being a mooch w/ no goals.  He needs to WORK for something.  You're doing no favors by letting him stay at home.

    This.

    Sounds so much like my 22 year old brother who still lives at home. I don't think that's such a huge deal, except for the fact that he works the bare minimum, contributes absolutely zero to anything....my parents pay for everything, including things like his cell phone bill and miscellaneous stuff like him getting his hair cut at the hair dresser. My mom bitches to me about it, but when I tell her to stop enabling him, it falls on deaf ears. If he were to ever get kicked out (which is never going to happen), he would be screwed because he has absolutely zero concept of how much things cost, nor does he really know how to do anything to take care of himself. Totally my parents fault for babying him.


  • My hair stylist has a rule with her 3 daughters. If they are in school, they get to live at her house for free, but still help with chores. If they are not in school and still want to live there, they each have to pay $200 in rent (still helping with chores).

    I would give him, at most, 2 months to get his act together with either school or a job. If he cannot do that, then out he goes.

    I will add that college and formal training are not for everybody and that's fine. People are getting pushed into that because it's the societal norm, but it isn't always the best fit for all people.

    Perhaps he needs some life guidance, which would help him determine a career.

    Try to find a place where he can take the Myers Briggs personality test. Many career centers at schools offer this test. At the end, once it gives results, it also lists multiple career choices, which are good fits for the personality.

    Both my DH and I had to take this our senior years in college and it nailed it to a "T." Worth a shot for your son. It could shine some light on where he may do his best work.

    R.WilsonnyTofumonkey
  • I would NOT be as lenient as you if my child spoke to me like that.
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
    TarponMonoxidelittlepammieface
  • edited June 2014
    janined22 said:

    My son is 22 yrs old, he graduated high school with honors and got a full scholarship for law school but after the first semester decided to quit college.  Then he said he wanted to become a graphic designer and so my DH and I paid for two years of school at the community college and he barely passed his classes, so we told him we would not be paying for anymore classes and that he should get a job.  He got himself a part time job and spends his free time and money playing video games with his group of friends that are all gamers.  He doesn't want to go to school or get a better job. 

    This past weekend, he went out of town to a video game tournament and called out sick from work, I told him he has until September to move out.  I said he needs to learn responsibility and that the only way for him to learn it is if we cut the umbilical cord.  Well he got really angry and said that we are a**holes and that I will regret asking him to leave and that when I do he won't even give me the time of day.  My heart is broken because I didn't want to do this as he is my only son but I don't want him to continue being dependent on me.  Was it the right move to ask him to move?

    YES it is right!

    TOUGHLOVE is what he needs. He can't take advantage of you; full grown man he might be but wow, he can't spend his time farting around and taking advantage of you and your H.

    Much more to life than gaming and doing nothing else.

    You nipped this mess in the bud before it skyrocketed. Hats off to you.

    Make sure he is out by a certain date. I'd go as far as to lock his little RPGing arse outside and I'd refuse to let him in.  His stuff should be waiting for him on the sidewalk, too, when yo do this.

    Boo hoo to him:

    Well he got really angry and said that we are a**holes and that I will regret asking him to leave and that when I do he won't even give me the time of day. 
    janined22
  • You're doing the right thing. He needs to learn how to be an adult, which means working or going to school (or both), paying bills, cleaning, cooking and generally not being a dependent mooch. He might be mad for a while, but he'll thank you in the long run, especially when he sees what it actually takes to support himself. Good luck!!
    TarponMonoxidejanined22
  • You do realize that what was happening was unhealthy: for you and for him. You are his parent, not a servant and not a codependency.

    You'll regret it? Ha; I am sure you will.  Imagine that; he tried to put the guilt trip on YOU!
    janined22
  • I rarely comment on this board, but I know the 45yo version of your son. He has no job, and lives like a pauper off a rapidly dwindling trust fund. He lives in a house owned by his parents, which is in a horrible state of disrepair, thanks to his neglect. He has no plan to get a job, and no retirement. He was fired from the last job he had years ago, under very sketchy circumstances. When I asked him about these things, he said he was thinking about making a plan. Um, you are 45, the time to plan was 20 years ago. I assume his plan for retirement is to live off whatever his parents leave him. His mommy still foots the bills for whatever he needs beyond gas and food. He spends his evenings in the same restaurant-bar every night. Please do not enable your son to become this person. Be firm. He WILL thank you for it in the long run.
    janined22
  • I will echo everyone else and say that you are RIGHT!  I'm sure it feels awful, but doing the right thing often does.  It's hard of you, but it's what he needs.  He will figure out something to do with his life now that you are forcing him to do so.
    janined22
  • You are right.  It may be hard on him and you. Stay strong and realize that you are helping him not hurting him, no matter what his complaints. The road ahead would be full of enabling and not healthy for either of you. 
    image Nicholas loved for 28 weeks, 4/11/10
    Baby Boy loved for 15 weeks, 5/31/11
    Baby Girl loved for 16.5 weeks. 3/1/12
    janined22
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