Trouble in Paradise
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Has anyone regretted their Maid of Honor decision?

I'm having a hard time trying to forget about my regretful decision of making someone my MOH. It's been 3 months since the wedding and it's been bothering me, especially because I should have actually chosen one of my bridesmaids to take on that task. I even heard her talking to one of the groomsmen on our wedding day about how she wished she was the MOH instead  Any advice on how to overcome this regretful feeling? Thanks.

Re: Has anyone regretted their Maid of Honor decision?

  • I always felt confident in my MOH decision but with one of my other bridesmaids, not so much. She was a long time best friend and I really wanted her to be part of things but she always had some excuse for missing wedding things, including our dress shopping trip where we had to send her pictures and she ordered based on measurements. It was really frustrating, especially since I had another friend who was not a bridesmaid but was extremely supportive and totally there for me. I do sort of wish that I had chosen differently but in the end I had a great wedding day anyway, I found another way to involve my non-bridesmaid friend in the wedding and as for my less supportive bridesmaid, she was very supportive on the day-of. Maybe ask the other bridesmaid if she can help you with something specific so she has an important role as well?
    Anniversary
  • There is no point in dwelling on this, I mean its done and over what use is it keep freighting over it? I get where you coming from One of my bridesmaids dropped out 6 days before the wedding and I really wish i'd never asked her to be in the wedding but I don't think i've dwelled on it. I have some left over bitterness but overall I just don't care anymore.
    [url=http://www.thenest.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thenest.com/tickers/tt181f95.aspx[/img][/url]
    moonprincessd
  • The larger picture: It doesn't matter.

    If you feel that strongly about her, then discontinue the friendship. All an MOH comes down to anyway is a signature on a marriage license.
    PrincessVeganmoonprincessd
  • I understand.

    One of my BMs didn't speak to me AT ALL on my wedding day.  STILL don't know why.  She's crazy.

    But it's over and done with now.  You still honored her by making her a BM at your wedding.  Don't beat yourself up over it now.
  • I agree, don't let it bother you or affect your memories of the wedding. One thing you could do going forward is talk to the bridesmaid who you wish had been your MOH and just let her know that you really appreciate her friendship and how supportive she was at your wedding. Try to take the emphasis off the bad and nurture your good relationships.
  • I don't regret my decision. I had a Matron and Maid of Honor. The Matron has always been my best friend and cousin...no regrets there. The MOH was my best friend in college and we agreed for years to be each other's MOH's. During my wedding planning there were a few oversights on my part which hurt her feelings. They were completely unintentional and a little unavoidable on my part, but I still felt terrible about them. We talked, made up, and then she asked me to be a bridesmaid instead of MOH in her wedding the next year. 

    My only regret is that I was a bridesmaid instead of MOH at her wedding. I was still determined to make her wedding wonderful. I wound up doing all of the MOH jobs after repeatedly trying to get the girl she chose to do them herself (threw a shower, coordinated all the bridesmaid details, planned and hosted the bachelorette party/lingerie shower, and stayed up till 3 a.m. finishing the last minute wedding projects while the MOH stayed home). Her MOH was a childhood friend who got to help her pick out her wedding dress, and was then too busy with her own life to help with anything else until the wedding day. Honestly though, I would never tell my friend that unless she specifically asked, which will probably never happen. Even though my feelings were hurt, I don't want her left with regrets about her wedding day like I had (even though my wedding was wonderful in most other respects). 

    Try to concentrate on the good parts of your wedding and regard it as a snapshot of time. Time changes and people change...but your wedding was still a beautiful moment. 
  • Do you all realize that the only thing required of a bridesmaid or MOH is that she show up on the wedding day in the correct dress, on time and sober?  It is not the job of the bridesmaid or MOH to throw showers, make decorations, etc... They don't even have to dress shop.  Just them them to get fitted for X dress by this date.  Bridesmaid's are not wedding slaves.
    chiualoverdoeydoOne Sweet ShannonSavanna111911
  • Move on its over...there are so many more important things in life. You have an new H go enjoy your new life and stop worrying about something you cant change!


    Tofumonkey
  • I think the fact that you are only 3 months post-wedding has a lot to do with how you're feeling. I think it took me at least 9 months if not longer to get over my wedding regrets. It was the little things, which TBH I can't even remember anymore. I'm a very detail oriented-person and for a while, especially attending others' weddings, I'd look back and wish I'd done something minor differently. Eventually, you will stop worrying about what you could have done and the happy memories of the day will take over. I thought I was losing my mind when all my regrets were overwhelming me until I found others online who said it was totally normal. Good luck. :)
    imageimage
  • I had both a Maid of Honor and Matron of Honor. My Maid was my best friend since kindergarten, and I do not have a single regret. I regret my Matron. I had been her MOH, so when I got married, I made what I thought were my two best friends my Maid and Matron. My Matron was a complete jerk during the planning of the wedding and at the wedding. AFTER my wedding, she became a horrible friend. I recently cut her out of my life, but will forever have my wedding pictures, with her snide smile. Choose wisely, ladies!
  • My MOH was my sister so, no... no regrets.  Some of my BMs I rarely speak to nowadays (not due to any reason, just time and drifting apart), but I still don't regret choosing them.  They were my best friends and the people I wanted to stand up with me at that point in time (8 years ago).  You have to view your wedding as a specific point in time.  Otherwise, in 5 years- you'll be consumed with regret about the dress you chose (and believe me, 5 years is all it takes for a wedding dress to be completely out of style).
  • Why does it matter now? Why the regrets?

    Did she get drunk and toss her cookies on your wedding cake? Pinch the groom's butt? Do you have another friend who suspect is butthurt?


    Click me, click me!
    image
  • It's been three months since your wedding and you are still upset? What did she do that was so horrendous that it is still bothering you? I choose my sister as my MOH, who was going through a divorce and barely asked me about my wedding. Do I regret it? Nope. I love her and supported her through her hard time and had no resentment for her not always being there. The wedding is done, you've had your time to shine. Time to start living life.
    TarponMonoxide
  • This is a one day only thing.

    Unless she slept with your H or stole something or committed some other bonafide crime, then regret your decision.

    I asked my cousin to be my MOH. I figured it would be nice to have the oldest cousin do the honors.

    She declined 2 weeks after I asked her. The second runner up that was the MOH was my FI's cousin.  (I had 2 or 3 other women turn the spot down. One said "I don't know what to do as an MOH and I don't have enough time to devote to it, anyway" and the other one just said no)

    It's really no big deal.

    All an honor attendant does is look nice on the day of and sign the marriage license. It's no big deal. Anybody over 18 years of age can do it, male or female --- I personally think you are better off with a best man of honor instead of a female MOH.
  • edited November 2013
  • Get over it already.
    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • Get over it already.
    fiizzlee = vag ** fiizzle = peen ** Babies shouldn't be born wit thangs ** **They're called first luddz fo' a reason -- mo' is supposed ta come after. Yo Ass don't git a medal fo' marryin yo' prom date. Unless yo ass is imoan. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Then yo ass git a all-expenses paid cruise ta tha Mediterranean n' yo ass git ta hook up Jared Padalecki on tha flight over while bustin yo' jammies. But still no medal.
  • My MOH was my little sister and she was AWESOME. I had a BAD bridesmaid though. After my wedding was over the wedding party stopped by my in-laws house before heading to down to the bars to finish partying the night away. We were all hanging out when we noticed the best man and the bad bridesmaid were missing. My husband's Grandma went with me in the back yard to look for them and we couldn't find them so I called my husband over he walked behind the shed and saw my bridesmaid giving the best man a bj just feet away from where Grandma and I were standing. My hubby got us out of there and when the best man and my bridesmaid came out from behind the shed she had a large "stain" on the front of her bridesmaid dress. Needless to say she won't be rewearing it again. Also she was engaged at the time and NOT to the best man. Her and her FI are now broken up. It was horrifying at the time but now it makes for an interesting yet gross story.
  • edited April 2014
    I like to say that I have extreme cognitive dissonance about my decision…And my wedding's not until August! My little sister is my MOH…and all she does is carry the title.  My feelings about it have gotten a lot worse now that she moved in with us. But it is what it is….that's why we got a wedding planner.  I guess I'm lucky enough to have a BM who is willing to pick up her slack
  • I ditto what @Janessadawn said

    I'm still  trying to get over the little things (MOH not throwing a bachelorette party, being slack and not keeping in touch bestman being a dumb dumb etc.) but I'm starting to only remember the good things and smile and laugh at the photos we have. I don't regret my MOH choice but I also wish I would've had a matron of honor and that all of the drama with my first choice for MOH wouldn't have happened. 
  • edited April 2014
    arh1990 said:
    I ditto what @Janessadawn said

    I'm still  trying to get over the little things (MOH not throwing a bachelorette party, being slack and not keeping in touch bestman being a dumb dumb etc.)

    Huh?

    Since when is a MOH supposed to follow up and keep in touch??? Maybe with you, when you give her the time, date and place of the wedding, but that's all.

    The ONLY thing an MOH is required to do:

    Sign the marriage license.

    Showing up and looking nice is the second thing she needs to do.

    After that, *anything goes*.

    She's not required to plan a bachelorette party, she's not required to be a "dance captain" for the BMs or the groom's bridal party. She isn't required to be a morale leader or a social director or a mother confessor or a referee or a shrink for you and/or the rest of the attendants or a party planner.

    Sheesh..."keep in touch:". Really???

    but I'm starting to only remember the good things and smile and laugh at the photos we have. I don't regret my MOH choice but I also wish I would've had a matron of honor and that all of the drama with my first choice for MOH wouldn't have happened. 
    Contact with the best man is the groom's lookout, not the bride's.

    And same thing goes: a best man's only function is to sign the marriage license.
    doeydoOne Sweet Shannon
  • Wow some really insensitive people on here. Of course you are entitled to your feelings. You are newly wed and pretty soon that feeling will fade and it's best to allow it to do so. Yes that person was there for you and at that moment in your life it felt right and that's what matters. Now you can focus on what matters in this moment and time, your new life and family you are creating.
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    This thread cracks me up. Has anyone even thought about their "Maid of Honor decision" more than a year after the wedding?
    image
    Maybride2
  • As someone who is celebrating her 10th wedding anniversary this month, I'm going to tell you to let it go and get over it.  I promise you that this is such a stupid, petty, insignificant thing to fret over.  Don't you have a LIFE to worry about?  

    Unless you have a magic time machine, it's not like you can change things anyway.  Why spend time regretting something so silly?  
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  • I'm curious...what did she do that was so terrible? Honestly, it sounds like you are being very immature, but I will give you the benefit of the doubt that she did something absolutely horrific like have sex with your husband in between the ceremony and reception. Please share the story. Until then, my vote is get over it.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • ranzzo said:
    Do you all realize that the only thing required of a bridesmaid or MOH is that she show up on the wedding day in the correct dress, on time and sober?  It is not the job of the bridesmaid or MOH to throw showers, make decorations, etc... They don't even have to dress shop.  Just them them to get fitted for X dress by this date.  Bridesmaid's are not wedding slaves.

    This. This. This. OMG this.

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