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Problems with step-sister

Hi!I'm new to The Nest, and I came across this forum specifically because I'm looking for advise on this matter.

I will give a bit of background on my family first. I am the first child of 3, our parents got divorced about 8 years ago, but have remained good friends ever since and my dad is still very present even though he lives in another country. 5-6 years ago my mother remarried, my stepfather is a great person, and he is a very good stepfather, although I don't know if I would say the same about him being a father. He has been married 3 times, and he only had children with his second wife. Because of the fact that they were in their 40s when they began trying to have children they spent a lot of money on in-vitro and other procedures. They managed to have two boys, but she still wanted a girl (because her family had two older boys and a girl) so they looked for adoption centers in other countries. When the younger kid turned 5 they already had a lot of problems as a couple, and they received a call from an adoption center in Guatemala about a 3 year old girl that if wasn't adopted would stay in the orphanage for ever. They decided to adopt her even though their marriage was falling apart piece by piece. She came into a family that immediately when into a very nasty divorce, so nasty that's been 11 years and they're still going to court for any small reason. My stepfather's ex-wife has spent her life poisoning her kids against him by telling them that he's a liar and a gambler (I've known him for 6 years and he's never either told a lie or gambled), and he doesn't do anything to defend himself. they just toss their kids back and forth and act like being with them is a punishment. We live in a place that has snow 6 months a year and their kids have never been ice-skating, skiing, snow-boarding, or sledding. 

Now, with that said I can proceed to the problem that brings me to this page. My step-sister is my middle sister's age. Although she's from Guatemala and we are from Mexico, she and my sister look very different, my stepsister looks like the average Latina and my sister looks very European (because we are from European descent), although either one of me and my sister would kill for some color other than extremely white in our skin, the fact that we don't look Latina seems to bother my step-sister and has started a one-sided rivalry between us. (It also doesn't help that my sister has more friends, a boyfriend, and straight A's). For five years now she has been stealing clothes from us (even from my mom too!). And when confronted she acts very defensively and shuts down. We've even gotten stuff from us out from her backpack. When we've told her mom (because she takes stuff from our house and takes it to her mom's house) it's never helped, one time she even brought my step-sister to our house when there was no one around to bring back some winter coats she had stolen from my mom. I'm utterly sick of this. I can't even go to the store without fearing that she will steal something, which is terrible because I really like to travel. Every month there are two or three things missing from my closet, and the new development is that she is not bringing anything back. 
Now I'm missing a pair of pants that my father gave me this last Christmas, and they are also my favorite pants. 
How do I get them back?!?!?!? 
If I confront her she might go into her defensive mode and act like the victim, and then I'll never see them again. If I tell her dad, he will tell her mom and she will do nothing, and I'll never see them again, and if I do nothing for sure I'll never see them again.
Her parent's don't seem to realize how big of a problem this is, if she's been stealing from us pathologically for 6 years, she's probably stealing from other people and places too. But they just refuse to acknowledge anything that might give them more work.
I refuse to leave this, because no one should get away with thievery.
I am so sick of this, that I am considering calling the cops, I just want to know if anyone here has any good advice before I call the police. 

Thanks

Re: Problems with step-sister

  • edited April 2014
    Hi!I'm new to The Nest, and I came across this forum specifically because I'm looking for advise on this matter.

    I will give a bit of background on my family first. I am the first child of 3, our parents got divorced about 8 years ago, but have remained good friends ever since and my dad is still very present even though he lives in another country. 5-6 years ago my mother remarried, my stepfather is a great person, and he is a very good stepfather, although I don't know if I would say the same about him being a father. He has been married 3 times, and he only had children with his second wife. Because of the fact that they were in their 40s when they began trying to have children they spent a lot of money on in-vitro and other procedures. They managed to have two boys, but she still wanted a girl (because her family had two older boys and a girl) so they looked for adoption centers in other countries. When the younger kid turned 5 they already had a lot of problems as a couple, and they received a call from an adoption center in Guatemala about a 3 year old girl that if wasn't adopted would stay in the orphanage for ever. They decided to adopt her even though their marriage was falling apart piece by piece. She came into a family that immediately when into a very nasty divorce, so nasty that's been 11 years and they're still going to court for any small reason. My stepfather's ex-wife has spent her life poisoning her kids against him by telling them that he's a liar and a gambler (I've known him for 6 years and he's never either told a lie or gambled), and he doesn't do anything to defend himself. they just toss their kids back and forth and act like being with them is a punishment. We live in a place that has snow 6 months a year and their kids have never been ice-skating, skiing, snow-boarding, or sledding. 

    Now, with that said I can proceed to the problem that brings me to this page. My step-sister is my middle sister's age. Although she's from Guatemala and we are from Mexico, she and my sister look very different, my stepsister looks like the average Latina and my sister looks very European (because we are from European descent), although either one of me and my sister would kill for some color other than extremely white in our skin, the fact that we don't look Latina seems to bother my step-sister and has started a one-sided rivalry between us. (It also doesn't help that my sister has more friends, a boyfriend, and straight A's). For five years now she has been stealing clothes from us (even from my mom too!). And when confronted she acts very defensively and shuts down. We've even gotten stuff from us out from her backpack. When we've told her mom (because she takes stuff from our house and takes it to her mom's house) it's never helped, one time she even brought my step-sister to our house when there was no one around to bring back some winter coats she had stolen from my mom. I'm utterly sick of this. I can't even go to the store without fearing that she will steal something, which is terrible because I really like to travel. Every month there are two or three things missing from my closet, and the new development is that she is not bringing anything back. 
    Now I'm missing a pair of pants that my father gave me this last Christmas, and they are also my favorite pants. 
    How do I get them back?!?!?!? 
    If I confront her she might go into her defensive mode and act like the victim, and then I'll never see them again. If I tell her dad, he will tell her mom and she will do nothing, and I'll never see them again, and if I do nothing for sure I'll never see them again.
    Her parent's don't seem to realize how big of a problem this is, if she's been stealing from us pathologically for 6 years, she's probably stealing from other people and places too. But they just refuse to acknowledge anything that might give them more work.
    I refuse to leave this, because no one should get away with thievery.
    I am so sick of this, that I am considering calling the cops, I just want to know if anyone here has any good advice before I call the police. 

    Thanks
    This is a discipline problem.

    Her parents need to set the record straight and get her to stop this.

    I am wondering is it possible she has behavioral and or emotional issues --- maybe I am wrong --- did her adoptive parents ever have her evaluated periodically?  These are foreign adoptions and sometimes issues show up later on after the kid goes into the adoptive home.  We know nothing of the child's background, whether her mother got prenatal care, how did the birth mother take care of herself prenatally, etc?

    Her parents need to stop this --- and I suggest you lock up anything valuable when she is around. Safeguard what you have. Do not let her have access to your room; get a doorknob that permits you to lock the door --- and go as far as to install another lock in addition to that one.

    Get a safety deposit box at a bank and you lock up any valuble jewelry when it's clear that Little Miss Fagin is coming for a visit.

    This is insane --- yes, her parents need to take care of this --- nobody said "where did you get those pants" or something like it when she came home with the goods??? Incredible.

    Anybody who steals has an issue; your stepsister has one --- and if something very valuble vanishes when she is around, yes, I'd go as far as to file a police report and let the cops go and take care of it. Maybe that will give her enough toughlove --- and your stepmother also.

    This is rough; hope you get this resolved.

    A divorce in progress (so to speak) for over 10 years??? Where the heck are the attorneys and a judge in the midst of all of this????
  • Thanks for your response.
    No we know nothing about her birthmother, and if her adoptive mother knows, she's not telling anyone.

    They are very bad when it comes to helping their kids, their middle son is 18 years old and he's had an ambiguous diagnosis in the autism spectrum, because the mother keeps changing doctors when she doesn't like a diagnostic. no one in the family has seen a therapist regularly (which I personally think that all of them should've been seeing one for years now).

    I have done the locking my room, but I just feel like it's not fair to me or anyone in the family, we shouldn't have to lock our things because we should feel safe. the problem is that she has been stealing from the laundry room now, and when things go in the laundry room you don't notice they're missing until it's been a week or more. 

    I will talk to her father and maybe scare him. I can tell him that he has two options, either he disciplines her or I call the police. maybe that can work, I don't know. 
  • No, you need to start locking your room.  That will be a start.  Yes, it is unfair, but it is hopefully temporary.  

    Are you washing you own clothes ?  If not, then you need to start and you need to watch them from beginning to end.  

    Listen, talking to your stepfather isn't working and he will probably laugh at you if you say you will call the cops over a pair of blue jeans.  So stop talking and do something about it.  Keep your stuff under lock and key.  
    Tofumonkeybutterflybaby28
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