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boyfriend who continues to break promises and act single

2

Re: boyfriend who continues to break promises and act single

  • Jtrevino2 said:
    Now he is coming back saying he wants to get married?? ... Any advice? I do love him .. when I want to talk most of the time he doesnt have time ... I feel left out and like an option instead of a priority!
    It sounds like you are seriously thinking about taking this guy back, or worse, slipping back into a relationship without thinking it through. Whatever you do, don't let this loser back into your life. This is an abusive relationship - it sounds like he has been verbally abusive for a long time and the toilet water incident is physical abuse, don't wait for it to get worse.

    Don't believe him when he says he will change, even if he has got a job now it is too late. He has humiliated and mistreated you, whatever he says now you need this tosser gone. Don't let your daughter go to college thinking that it is ok to let a man treat her like this.

    I think it shows that you have not hardened your heart enough that you gave him a lift to the train station after Christmas, after the kind of behaviour you are describing I would have locked the doors and called the police to come and get him, or at least let him sleep in the cold if he is not capable of making his own way to the train. He has earned no favours from you and I'm surprised you felt safe getting in a car with him.

    Seriously, burn all the bridges and never see or talk to him again. You can do much, much better.
    R.Wilsonny
  • Jtrevino2 said:
    Now he is coming back saying he wants to get married?? ... Any advice? I do love him .. when I want to talk most of the time he doesnt have time ... I feel left out and like an option instead of a priority!
    It sounds like you are seriously thinking about taking this guy back, or worse, slipping back into a relationship without thinking it through. Whatever you do, don't let this loser back into your life. This is an abusive relationship - it sounds like he has been verbally abusive for a long time and the toilet water incident is physical abuse, don't wait for it to get worse.

    Don't believe him when he says he will change, even if he has got a job now it is too late. He has humiliated and mistreated you, whatever he says now you need this tosser gone. Don't let your daughter go to college thinking that it is ok to let a man treat her like this.

    I think it shows that you have not hardened your heart enough that you gave him a lift to the train station after Christmas, after the kind of behaviour you are describing I would have locked the doors and called the police to come and get him, or at least let him sleep in the cold if he is not capable of making his own way to the train. He has earned no favours from you and I'm surprised you felt safe getting in a car with him.

    Seriously, burn all the bridges and never see or talk to him again. You can do much, much better.
    Jtrevino2mcnx06R.Wilsonny
  • Well it has been tough but it has been 3 days since we talked and when I went to call my best friend this morning I accidentally called him in my sleepy stupor I was so humiliated that i just hung up the phone when he answered, I figured I better call back and find out why he was not talking to me for the last couple days and he said he was mad at me and I said ok well have a nice day and hung up.  I am over it. Men should know better than to push a woman away that they want and treat them badly cause when u push her away eventually she just gets used to living without you and doesnt wanna see u anymore and this is where I am at.  It hurt but what hurts worse is that i have to be the one to say enough is enough and walk away when really he is the one who is acting immature and punishing me with the silent treatment like he has in the past.. he thinks cause he has this job and kisses the bosses ass that he is too good for me? Well I am happy that he is doing well and happy about all his promotions and bonuses but its a tiny company and i am just not all that impressed considering I know what is behind the curtain that he is that only I see and no one else does. So when he realizes he drew a line in the sand without even knowing it and I chose to walk away the joke is gonna be on him
  • Just ignore him. Go on with your life. He needs to figure himself out as well and you have your own life to worry about, your daughters as well. Keep bettering yourself and keep him out. You will be much better off. Love him, yes, but love can only do so much and he doesn't seem to understand what real love is. Please, just let him be. you will thank yourself for that! Some people are meant to come into our lives for certain times and are meant to be there just for that amount of time. His time has passed and you will find someone else when the time is right. Keep it up with yourself and life will get better mentally and emotionally! Good luck!!! xo

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    Sillygirl45Jtrevino2
  • edited January 2014
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  • He clearly needs to grow up and get his life together. You don't need to be a part of that messy task. Get out while you can. This guy is clearly trouble and manipulative. Why do you think he told you about the ring? To make you feel pressured into staying with him...keeping that romance and spontaneity alive...to make you hope & wish for a happily ever after.

    My advice: Run for the hills & don't look back. While you're at it, try dating someone for a while before you decide they're "the one"...you seem a little too anxious to commit to a very serious relationship. Slow it down & see where it goes. 
    Sillygirl45Jtrevino2Weeser1themuffinman16
  • lol thank you that is funny!
  • I am not anxious, I have always been very cautious, I am just too loving and forgiving and I need to just see people for who they are not what I want them to be.
  • Your advice has been heaven sent! I have needed words of encouragement and that I am doing the right thing. I have asked him to change and tried talking till I am blue in the face! I sent him a text message yesterday telling him I was done after he left a message on my phone crying and saying his grandma had passed away. I told him I was sorry to hear about his grandma and I send my condolences, but I said I don't know why you called me ( I had called him the day before yesterday and asked "may I ask why are you not talking to me? He said because he was mad at me...  I said ok??) I said remember you are mad at me and your not talking to me... he got mad and hung up so I text him and told him sorry about his grandma but I was not going to wait around for him to love me and told him that I deserve to be loved 24/7 and communicated with even if he is mad at me, and that I did not want to be in a relationship anymore and told him maybe your next girlfriend will let you mess with her head and her heart but I was done and said good bye.  Now he is texting me and saying plans change roll with them and told me I should be in his bed, I am just ignoring him.. Yes I agree he doesn't know what love is because his family told him to make me mad a while back to test my love and then he told me about the ring and that just made our relationship more tense... I am tired of all the energy and joy this guy sucks his life from me, I want to be happy and feel confident again and he is terrible for me and my daughter.
    cloudymeatballsTofumonkey
  • Keep strong! :) Very happy to hear you are. It can be hard to see who a person truly is, but I am glad you finally did.

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    TofumonkeyJtrevino2
  • edited January 2014
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  • Jtrevino2 said:
    he left a message on my phone crying and saying his grandma had passed away. ... Now he is texting me and saying plans change roll with them and told me I should be in his bed
    Sounds like he is really cut up about his grandma - not. Well done for sticking to your guns and telling him to shove it.
    Jtrevino2Weeser1
  • Thank you for all the advice, I get absolutely no support from my family and I have no friends where I am it is very depressing. I want to move somewhere warm and beautiful and start my life over. I want to get away from my family and him and take my daughter and start over some where.  This has been very hard as my mom sent me a nasty hateful email saying when my daughters 4 months are up for school they are moving in May and I am not to be living anywhere near them and this is her and my dads time to live out their remaining years together away from us, if u knew my mom this would crush you too she is not a nice person and only talks to me to be mean and when she wants something.  my mom wants me to sort and  pack all their belongings up and cook dinner every night for my dad and clean the house but they do nothing for me, except cause heartache and headache, so really I have no support system and find myself in tears frequently. I am feeling very lost and hurt with all this going on right now....any adivce?
  • Hold on a second, you had me until just now. 

    Are you and your daughter LIVING with your parents right now?
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
  • How on EARTH can you say you love him? Dude has got to be fantastic in bed, because you've told us absolutely nothing redeeming about him. And even if he was good in the beginning of the relationship (less than a year ago), he's used up all his Karma points. My XH was a piece of shit, but at least he knew not to disrespect my dad in his own house. And I'm not even going to get into the toilet water fiasco.
    How do you deal with him? You say this to him next time you talk: "We are done. Do not contact me any more." 
    Then you never acknowledge his existence again.

    Seriously, you have a daughter getting ready to go off to college, and you are acting like a teeny-bopper who, OMGZ, just got dumped by her 6th grade boyfriend. Think about what you are showing your daughter about male/female relationships. You're showing her that women have to take any shit dealt out from a guy, and all he has to say is that he wants to marry you. Show her that she (and you) don't have to accept shitty treatment from a guy just to keep from being alone.
    [IMG]http://i52.tinypic.com/mmbdis.jpg[/IMG]
    [IMG]http://i43.tinypic.com/t6xkxy.jpg[/IMG]
  • You have a daughter going off to college as well? How old is the young daughter you have with this guy? 

    I'm starting to understand your parents' viewpoint - if you are old enough to have a child going to college what are you doing still mooching off of them? It IS their time to live their lives and enjoy retirement, not take care of you and your daughter. That's not selfish in my opinion, the other way around, actually.
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
    Sillygirl45
  • Just me for a month and my daughter has been staying at my folks house cause I do oilfield work and she doesnt have to be around all the trash and can enjoy a small town, It was my parents idea to let her attend school in their town, I was reluctant but it was best for her
  • I have not been at my parents very long, I was working in the oilfield and it slowed way down for winter and I am getting ready to go back to work and so no I am not mooching!! How dare u say something like that, I have driven across 3 states numerous times to move my parents and let them live with me and packed all their belongs and hauled their belongings and their horse in -26 degree weather, I could go on and on but as this post states nothing about my family, just the situation,,,, if you knew my family you would say I'm a freaking Angel! Trust me I have lots of friends who have known me for 10 years and agree.... ANYWAY thank you for the harsh words that were greatly out of place. Now I believe if you don't have anything nice to say that you should say nothing at all!!
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2014
    Jtrevino2 said:
    I do oilfield work and she doesnt have to be around all the trash and can enjoy a small town
    I really hope you're not calling oilfield workers trash.  X(

    (Because not all oilfield regions are dirty and gross. Stavanger is quite nice, actually.)
    image
  • I just disagree with your statement that your family is horrible and gives you NO support whatsoever when they are housing and raising your daughter for you right now, and you are also living with them right now. How much are you paying them to house and raise their granddaughter? Or yourself right now?

    As for you helping them to move in cold weather - that's kind of just what family does for each other.

    You are staying in THEIR home with YOUR daughter - but upset that you are expected to help out around the house. That seems off to me.

    They want to have a life away from raising your daughter and picking you back up after your boyfriend from hell - I think that they have a point, don't you?
    image

    Chronically hilarious - you'll split your stitches!
    I wrote a book! Bucket list CHECK!
    Sillygirl45
  • oilfield trash is just a blanket term used so dont take it so personal ok

  • Jtrevino2Jtrevino2 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited January 2014
    Hope everyone has a wonderful day
  • GilliCGilliC member
    Ancient Membership 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited January 2014
    oilfield trash is just a blanket term used so dont take it so personal ok

    There are plenty of other broad-sweeping terms for people that "weren't personal." It doesn't stop them from being offensive.
    image
  • Next time I will remember not to be offended when someone calls me trash.
    image
  • DO NOT fall for this giant pile of horseshit. My ex was the SAME EXACT WAY (minus the toilet water incident)....the more you talk to him the more it makes him think he can do whatever he wants, and treat you however he wants  and you will eventually give in and talk to him and consider taking him back.

    You will find better, I promise!!!!!

    :)
  • Thinking I should have read the 2nd page before I posted my reply.....because that took a strange and unexpected turn..... :-O
    Tofumonkey

  • Thinking I should have read the 2nd page before I posted my reply.....because that took a strange and unexpected turn..... :-O
    That it did. I try to take posters at face value, but sometimes you get a feeling.... In this case it was correct. I like the "I just want to move somewhere warm and start over" it's a good indication of OP's maturity level. Between that and her family does nothing for her, but she lives with them and they take care of her kid...uh yeah, they sound horrible for wanting to move on with their lives since they've already raised their kids. Mmm hmmm.
    Tofumonkey
  • edited March 2014
    Jtrevino2 said:
    Thank you everyone!! I had a good Christmas with him sort of he turned into jeckle and hyde, I was called a bitch first thing christmas morning and had to put on a fake smile which I was not thrilled about and then when it all ended he dumped toilet water on me in an arguement which I told him to get out of my parents house! He disrespected my dad and daughter by yelling and arguing and raising his voice it was so humiliating, not to mention I stood there covered in toilet water in front of my kid and father, what a jerk I told him to take a hike took him to the train and dropped him off I didn't even look back.  Now he is texting me and leaving me voicemails of sappy songs playing and leaving me mushy text messages.... He asked me are you gonna throw our love away over this? You bet your sweet butt I am!!! after everything he has done I just can't take anymore. I am a wonderful loving giving person and I can't seem to find a decent guy, I have tried not even looking and I live in such a tiny town there are not many men here but I am ok being alone cause I would rather be alone than standing in the kitchen at my parents house the morning after christmas covered in TOILET WATER
    I am guessing he took a vessel of some type, filled it with water from the loo and let you have it.

    Is he like 5 years old? What kind of an adult with all his marbles does this to another person?

    If I was your father or mother and I saw him do that, he'd be OUT my door the hard way --- I'd have lambasted him from here to Mars.

    What you need to do:

    Ditch him, if you have not done so already. Get away from his childishness, his undependability and the passive aggressive bullshit.

    You also don't need a fucking drunk or barfly. Get rid of him.
    Clean break and total break; change your phone numbers, your email addy, any way he can get ahold of you, alter it so that he cannot contact you. Get away from this piece of dirt.

    NO dating for a good year or 2 --- get into therapy and find out why you accepted such a douchebag to date. You need to learn how to be fussier and more discriminating in your choices of a boyfriend.

    If you see him somewhere, do NOT say hello: there is NO NEED to do so.

    He says he wants to get married?

    Tell him that you'll find a real nice girl for him!!!

    holy cow.....run, woman, RUN, while the runnin' is still GOOD!!!!!

    I am guessing you are in your 30s or perhaps even your 40s --- the best way to meet somebody is via a common cause:

    Volunteer
    Coed Sports teams or lessons
    Club or organization where you will meet somebody via a common interest
    Martial arts lessons that are coed
    Dance lessons held group fashion -- sign up for ballroom, Latin dance or hustle lessons
    Community choirs, comminity theatre groups (they are always looking for behind the scenes help and personnel)
    If you're an artist, get out into the art world!

    Your local college alumni association should be a good source for you, too, to meet somebody.

    You might also try a part time job, maybe in retail. That might be another good way to meet somebody.




  • Just seeing this thread. How are things? Did you stay away from this crazy dude?
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