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Recently lost my Mom too young…

My Mom got sick with H1N1 and it quickly attacked her lungs and she ended up developing and passing away from complications from Acute Respritory Disstress Syndrome about 3 weeks ago. We spent many weeks with her in ICU in a medically induced coma, I didn't really get to talk with her before she went into the ER that day. But I did spend a lot of time with her before that, and helped her when she was sick, a day or two before it got much worse and my Dad took her in. She is my very best friend (aside from my husband), we used to do lunch at least once a week and I LOVED spending time with her. We always had so many laughs and just the best of times. I was just cleared to be able to start our family (I'm 31) after a couple complicated miscarries and dealing with panic disorder. And I find it hard to think of things like having kids without her here.  I have great friends, my Dad is amazingly strong and faithful and it breaks my heart that he's going through this (my parents are just the best examples of soul mates and best friends that I have seen in my life. And I feel like I don't want to talk to him too much about it, because it will make him sadder. But maybe it would help him too?), my Sister and my husband who are both the best as well. But obviously I'm left dealing with what feels like such a void, such a heavy loss and it was all so sudden. She's normally so healthy.

 Does anyone have experience with losing a loved one and things that have helped? We are very religious and do believe that we will all be together again in Heaven, but I still find myself having such a hard time and wondering if it will ever get any easier, or if I will always feel like breaking down crying and feeling so unbelievably heartbroken. It's probably just where I am in the grieving, but I guess I'm just looking for some encouragement. Thank you so much! 

Re: Recently lost my Mom too young…

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't have any advice for you but God bless you & your family. I pray for peace & comfort for you all. The grief & depression you are no doubt experiencing are real, don't let them consume you. This is a tragic chapter in the story of your life. Live your next chapters for your mom & continue to make her proud. Know that she is with you today & always!

  • Grief counseling may be helpful. Your church might be able to direct you in finding someone who who can incorporate your faith. Sorry you are going through this. Hugs!
  • I'm so sorry for your loss! I lost a family member suddenly this past summer. counseling helped quite a bit. Her memorial service was a huge step in beginning to put things back together.  My family member was really into quilting, a craft I've taken up in the past few years, she had lots of fabrics packaged up into different theme quilts she was planning on making.  My mom and I are both slowly working on finishing some of her unfinished projects which has also been helpful. 

    give it time, eventually it'll be easier to talk about for others in your family. Take a few small steps each day back towards the new normal, the first year is hard, but it gets a little easier as you go. 
    Me: 28 H: 30
    Married 07/14/2012
    TTC #1 January 2015
    BFP! 3/27/15 Baby Girl!! EDD:12/7/2015
  • You might wish to speak to your clergyperson and perhaps find a faith-based bereavement group.

    Sorry for your loss. Wishing you well.
  • So sorry for your loss! Mom's are special people and it is never easy to lose someone you love. I agree with PP that you should go to grief counselling (whether you want to do that by yourself or in a group).

    Also, don't be scared to tell people close to you how you are feeling and ask for help! There are also going to be people that will say the hurtful and inappropriate things. Please don't let them bother you! (((hugs)))
  • I am so so sorry for your loss. I am very very close to my Mom as well. I cannot imagine my life without her and it makes me sad to even think so. And having kids without her being around , I am really sorry. I truly don't have any advice to give, but take your time. This will not be an easy time and it will take a while. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to talk, talk. People will want to listen and if talking with your Dad may help, then go for it. Of course it will be sad, but maybe you two talking with each other and celebrating her life it could help. You both are in pain and could benefit. Again, I am so so sorry and hope you find peace. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family!!!! xoxo God Bless.

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  • First off, I'm sorry for your loss.  The bond between mothers and daughters is very special.  Your loss is very new and unexpected, so it will take time.

    My mom was 46 when she passed, and I was 23.  Hardest part of my life was imagining it without her.  I remember waking up wondering if it was a real or a dream.  I have two brothers and I was convinced they and my dad had no idea what I was feeling.  Like you, my mom and I did lots of mom and daughter things together.

    You will never forget your mom and the joy that she brought you.  But it will get easier.  I will say that my mom gave me the best example of how to be a mom.  Although I don't have any bio kids, I am close to DH's kids who are adults now and grown.  Both kids last year sent me the most touching mothers day cards (my first), about how much they loved me and enjoyed the special traditions I had showed towards them (when SD comes to our state, we always have a mani/pedi day, go have tea...girlie stuff).  When SS comes, we have another set of traditions I've tried to share and they appreciate.

    The best gift your mom has given you is the joy she gave you in life with the memories that you shared.  The best gift you can give to your dad and siblings is to continue those memories and traditions.  For some, it's talking about those good memories....our family does it all the time.  Even my cousins who were super close to my mom do it...

    You will never forget your mom, and her strength and memory will always live on in your heart.  She will be your guardian angel for the rest of your life....
  • First off I am so sorry to hear of your loss.  My mother passed away 3 months ago from cancer and like you it was very sudden and very quick.  She was diagnosed Dec 4th and died Dec 29th.  Also like you she and I were very close, talked on the phone twice a day and lived very close to each other.

    I can tell you that it does get a little easier, I still cry a lot and I don't think that is going to go away anytime soon.  Some of the best advice I've been given is, our lives were forever changed in a very tragic way.  It isn't right or fair and it is okay that we aren't always okay.  Personally I feel like there is a piece of me that died and that someday that ache I am sure will lessen but I will never be the same person again.

    So hang in there and know there are other people in the world that are going through something similar.  Talk with people who know what you're going through because there are few that really truly understand the loss of a mother to a daughter, especially at a young age and very suddenly.
  • I am so very sorry for your loss. It really doesn't seem fair. Thank you so much for your thoughts and advice, it really does help to hear from others who are going through this as well. Makes us feel a little less alone feeling in it all. Thank you and all my best to you as you go through this as well. <3 
  • Thank you so much for your words and advice from experience. I do wake up almost everyday and I feel like I go through it all over again almost. Like you said, realizing it's not a dream, and almost rebuilding yourself all over again every morning. And just hoping it will get easier. 

    I do love what you said about her teaching me to be a great Mom and passing those things to our kids when they come. 

    Thank you so much for sharing, it really helps to hear from those who have been there and moved forward. <3
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