Family Matters
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Family Dilemma

Does anyone have any other advice other than to detach and go to Al Anon?
      Here is the situation. My sister has had a problem with smoking meth on and off for 20 years. She has been to rehab 5 times but has never successfully completed a program. Usually it would last for a few months until she would drop her sponsor and stop going to meetings. The last time, she had stopped doing meth but continued to drink. She met an older man in the meetings, got pregnant and the child is now 19 months. They live together, he is sober and goes to meetings every day but has enabled my sister to continue to drink even after he caught her drinking while pregnant. He has admitted that he thought there were times she might have used meth but was unable to prove anything. They are currently living paycheck to paycheck.
       Despite my family telling him that drinking from her should have been a deal breaker for him and that she needs help, he continued the relationship and then she became pregnant. There were two instances, one during the pregnancy and one soon after the birth, that he became upset enough with her behavior (these were instances that he caught her directly lying to him) that he contacted us. Both these times, we tried to initiate an intervention but the last time, he balked and admitted to her our plans and told us he wasn't going to deal with the situation, just continue to live as is and hope she was telling the truth this timer that she would be better. I have had limited contact with my sister since then (i live out of state) and we only speak about the children over the phone.
        My family and I received another call yesterday from the boyfriend, again upset, this time because he had found meth and a pipe in her purse. Her 40th birthday was this last weekend on Friday and after having a nice dinner together, she went out with her girlfriends to drink, got trashed and ended up at an old "friend's" house where she smoked meth and bought some. I am not sure if this is the beginning again or if she has been doing this previously. He told me yesterday that he was going to file for temporary custody, find a cheaper apartment and get the child into daycare while he works but I don't believe this will happen. I am sure he will cave again and the cycle will continue. 
         I am deeply concerned about my niece. Instead of brining her to my mother's to have her watched, he had no issue leaving her with my sister who is coming down off the drugs and could potentially put her in a car and drive her to get more and any other number of unsafe things. His comment was that he was only going to be gone to "file the papers" for 45 minutes and he didn't want to cause a scene. Of course, there has been no update on the situation.
        I have thought about reporting them to CPS but know that it will only be a case with no proof just a "he said, she said" situation. Currently there is no abusive behavior happening with my niece but I am worried that without rehab and a program, my sister will slip back into a daily using situation which will cause her to put her daughter in dangerous situations and at the very least be emotionally abusive towards her. 
        Does anyone have any other suggestions for me? 
       
     

Re: Family Dilemma

  • That child belongs out of that household and away from both parents.

    And you need to tell your sister goodbye once and for all; tell her that if she is clean and sober and can prove it and has been as such for a long time, THEN you and she will be able to talk again.

    Get a supervisor at CPS and explain this situation to them.  Or call the police and tell them it's not an emergency and then tell them what's happening; stress that there is a child in danger.

    You might want to speak to an attorney about this situation. Too bad there isn't some way you could remove that child from there yourself.

    Wishing you luck --- that child needs to be out of there; hope you can find a way.
  • Yes I agree with you that the child should be out of the house. My other sister works with children and has reported cases to cps before. She told me that unless I have proof that she is on drugs there is nothing cps can do. Even calling the police right now is fruitless because currently the drugs have been removed from the home. The boyfriend's has two brothers. One is an attorney and one is an interventionist. The attorney had the boyfriend to his office to file papers for temporary custody yesterday but I have heard no further. Considering the boyfriends history, I don't believe he will follow through. Both brother's have given the boyfriend the same advice that I have which is to leave with the child until my sister enters rehab and completes it successfully. Unfortunately, if the boyfriend chooses to do nothing, no one can remove the child from the house without consent. Such a sad situation. If I hear nothing in the next week, I will call cps anyway to at least get a report on file. Though doubtful, I hope the boyfriend is just waiting for the a paperwork to go through before moving forward with plans to protect his child. Thanks for the wishes for luck. That poor little girl is going to need it.
  • To add, both my other sister and I have offered to take the child in but unfortunately the boyfriend has not bitten. Drugs suck.
  • Oh boy...I am sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, you can't force her BF to do the right thing any more than you can get your sister to stop drinking and doing drugs.

    I would call CPS for advice. I don't think there's much you can do beyond that. 

    Drugs totally suck. It's insane what they do to people. Good luck to you and your family.
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