My parents got divorced last year (which I am still getting over). Once my parents separated, my father moved in with his parents. I got married recently to my man of 6 years. Not only are we newlyweds, but we are young newlyweds.
My father/grandparents live 4-5 hours away from us, so my Dad likes to come into town about 1x/month to see me and my husband, along with his friends/do errands/"look for jobs" (this is the area where he lived pre-divorce). He doesn't have a job, so he can't afford to stay in a hotel. Pre-wedding, he stayed with me twice in one month (despite my hesitancy as a result of wanting to set boundaries). He told me that once we got married he would leave us alone, but I knew that he was just saying this to get his way at the time. He has friends and other family members (his own sister) to stay with, but he just doesn't want to ask them.
Here's my struggle. Every time HE decides HE wants to come in town, he starts to suggest that since he's "coming to see me", I OWE it to him to let him stay with my husband and I (we live in small 1-br with only an extra couch in the living room). He's constantly guilting me and telling me this is what family does for family. The problem is that it works, and I feel absolutely horrible. The thing is, I'm not opposed to him staying with us a night or two every so often, but as made clear so far, it's not "every so often" it's OFTEN and at his decision.
My husband and I are young, and with our work schedules we don't get a lot of time together. We want our independence from our parents, and we don't feel that we "owe" my father housing.
I don't feel it's justified for him to guilt me into letting him stay when he wants to stay. He just has certain ways of making me feel horrible, and honestly because he doesn't give me a choice, I don't ever WANT to invite him to stay with us, which is what normal people do. I feel his crossing my boundaries and using his "poor pitiful me" attitude to guilt us into it.