Cleaning & Organizing
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Getting FI to Clean Now That I'm Onboard

Cleaning was always a weird thing when I was growing up. Mom was very unstable at the time and there'd be weekends of just yelling and crying and trashbags throwing out everything. I was a very messy child, procrastinated cleaning up anything and there's more to it than that, but close enough. Luckily, that's all done, but it's taken me moving into my own place with FI to realize that I don't need a spotless house, just a relatively tidy one.

When we started dating, FI always spouted off about how clean a guy he was, how his room was never ever messy and he could never live in the mess that my room was normally in. I feel terrible because I kind of brought that lifestyle with me when I moved in with him (I tried so hard to stay organized... our place is just tiny though), and he's told me that he just kind of gave up cleaning  after a few months. Which I told him I understood, but I try to keep my clothing mess to my side of our room and out of his way, and I do what I can when I have the time... then he had to change jobs and his days off, so we don't have days off in common anymore. We resorted to a chores list so that we each had a checklist to get done while the other had to work, but that's fallen by the wayside...

So now he just doesn't do any housework at all. It's been at least two weeks since he cleaned the kitchen, and he's started laundry but just leaves it around... so now I'm messy, but he's just on a while new level of messy. And it's driving. me. bonkers. So I've started trying to do at least one chore every evening we're home, just to keep it under control. Every time I mention it, he gets a total attitude and says that I have no room to chide him with how unorganized I am... but now he's in the extreme and has just thrown in the proverbial clean house towel! And I don't really blame him...

How do I get this back under control? It's stressful and disheartening and I just want a tidy house, not a spotless one.

 

Re: Getting FI to Clean Now That I'm Onboard

  • You seem to hae a double standard. Is le you were totally okay when it was you being messy but now that he is being messy you don't like it. True? Sounds to me like he's trying to make you realize how difficult it is to live with someone who is messy and unorganized. If I lived for someone that long who was so messy I'd e tennoted to give up too. And you are going to need to do more than one chore a day to win him over. You are an adult. If I were you I would spend your next day off just cleaning the heck out of everything. Put EVERYTHING of yours in a proper place. Everything. this way you can prove to him you are willing to try. then when you nag him about being clean, you arent being a complete and utter hippocrate. Ifs it's dirt laundry, put it in a hamper, if its clean laundry hang it up or fold it. Ifs it's a magazine or newspaper you have finished reading, recycle it, if its trash, throw it away. If its clutter and doesn't have some useful function or clear sentimental value, get rid of it. If its broken, or doesn't work, then fix it, sell it or toss it. Do this with everrrrrrrrrrything that belongs to you. If its too overwhelming to do the whole house, then do one room each day you are off. I'm talking complete overhaul, top to bottom, nothing left on the floor or lying around on surfaces, everyone needs to be in a closet, drawer, cabinet, tote, or stowed away out of site. Then, and only then, once you have overhauled and overcome the mess will the one-chore-a-day thing work. Until you do this exhausting (believe me its hard work, you will be totally pooped, been-there-done-that) overhaul type of cleaning, you will always feel like you are spinning your wheels, wasting your time, and not making any progress doing one chore a day. Plus if the place is that messy, doing one chore a day either might not be noticeable to your husband, or it may just make him bitter to think "hmmm ok I've been doing all the chores all the time and now she wants me to reward her for picking her laundry up out of the floor?". If you do the overhaul thing- ie completely cleaning spice and span one room each day off, then he will have no choice but to notice. Then, during the days between your days off, still do the one chore a day thing to either keep up what you already accomplished or to get a head start one whichever room you tackle on your next day off.
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