I'm Asian-American, DH is black. We have a beautiful 3yo DD and my MIL is obsessed with her hair. There are other issues that make me wonder if she's toxic but this is on my mind right now.
She confuses me because she has made various conflicting comments at different times. Like in a jelous tone that her hair is going to be so pretty and long and the other kids will hate her and say she thinks she's all that. These sort of silly comments started when she was still in my uterus! Who wants their child to be hated? Or to be looked at as different? This is clearly not a positive thing, it's not really a compliment, it's more of a passive aggressive comment.
Other times she will say mean critical things like looking at pictures of DD, her hair is wirey and you'll have a hard time maintaining it, you need to put it in 6 ties or braid it, you can't leave it out.
Now, this was a picture from Christmas morning. He hair was a puffy mess because she just got up.
Her hair does not get wirey at all, it's soft and fluffy, just messy looking before I condition and comb it and then her curls look pretty.
I don't want DD to develop a complex or obsess bc grandma is so focused on it. Also, it doesn't sit well with me. MIL has opened up to me about her past and feeling like the ugly ducking for being dark skinned. She may be carrying some of that resentment over to her own granddaughter.