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Social Media and in-laws

Hi everyone - 

 This is question that I'm sure many of us face in regard to social media and in-laws. I’ve been married for just over a year and with my husband for 4.5 years. I’ve always struggled with his Dad, who is a very type A, controlling and manipulative person. He’s the person who goes out to restaurants and purposing makes a fit to get free food/coupons, treats the servers poorly and it’s just downright embarrassing. Overall a complete 180 degree difference from my family or what I raised to believe is acceptable. When we first started dating I made the mistake of accepting a friend request on Facebook in good faith. He posted on almost everything I said or did – photos, status updates, etc. Sometimes it was fine and sometimes I took the posts the wrong way – i.e. I’d post a photo of us camping in the beautiful mountains and he’d make some comment like “Wow it much be nice” or something like “Wow much be nice to have all that extra money”– when in fact he’s retired on a beach in Mexico and in turn almost making us feel guilty. It got to the point that even my friends here and far away would make comments to me offline how much his father posted on my FB wall. Please keep in mind he posts on my sister in-laws page a lot as well and tends to post rants in his status updates about politics, etc. One day he got all frazzled because apparently a photo I had posted of my husband and I was available for him to view  and then a few hours he couldn’t find it ( no idea why because neither of us are tech wizards). He emailed my husband all upset about it and my husband finally said – “Gesh Dad, I don’t think Kelly (me) thought you’d be monitoring her FB page so closely” well upon saying that it sent him off into a rant – where he de-friended me and sent me an email with quote from my husband about monitoring my page and also that he had de-friended me so he “wouldn’t do it again” I didn’t even respond to his email because I don’t believe that type of behavior should be acknowledge. Well needless to say a few months ago I received a friend request with him once again and have yet to accept. My husband isn’t active on FB and I asked him to at least friend his father so when I tagged him in photos his family could see him. I wrote to his parents yesterday asking what they wanted for Christmas and I received a response from his father that said – “Keeping us more in the loop from your FB picture posts is also a great joy for Barbara. Sometimes we only get them if some we knows replies to you. So we miss a lot of you all through this site.”  So my main question is (after all this detail that I feel was necessary to provide up front), do I just suck it up and friend his for “Christmas” or not? I’ve tried having some personalized settings to him before, but that was kind of a pain, but I’m not sure. I’ve love some feedback on it. I know lots of people have issues with in-laws and I’m struggling with my father in-law both in person and online. Any advice on this social media question or additional advice I’d appreciate.

 Thanks a bunch!

Kelly

 

Re: Social Media and in-laws

  • No. He's manipulating you. Your H can friend his mom if she wants to see pictures. I would completely ignore his email. 

    In the future your H needs to correspond with his parents. Not you. Especially after this whole situation.

  • I wouldn't friend him.  My MIL sent me a request and I just ignored it.  

     

  • No. He's manipulating you. Your H can friend his mom if she wants to see pictures. I would completely ignore his email. 

    In the future your H needs to correspond with his parents. Not you. Especially after this whole situation.

    All of this.  These are your DHs parents. He needs to step up here a little. 

    My FIL friend requested me a few years ago.  I never accepted.  I just didn't want to deal w/ his having that insight into my life, and he isnt anything like your FIL! 

    Of course, they'll probably push the issue.  Be prepared for that.  I actually think this is where your DH needs to step up.  He should friend them and if they push for you to do it too, he needs to tell his dad "after what happened before, it's best that you all aren't friends on FB.  You'll see what you need to see through my page".

    And really- this is about more than your FIL being "type A'.  He just sounds like an ass all around.
    "Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
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  • Basically what everyone else said here. FIL or not - do not feel 'obligated' to be friends with this jackass on facebook. If he presses the issue, your H needs to step up and tell him no, that you will not be 'friends' with him on facebook. And no further explanation is needed. Your FIL doesn't like it? Tough crap. Your facebook, your rules.

  • Thanks everyone, this helped reassure me of the direction I was already heading! Thanks so much!!
  • It's so funny how people get stressed out over social media. I mean, I can see how it can happen, but my motto is if the person is causing you stress, then just block/unfriend/delete. Rinse, repeat.
  • Why don't you have your husband text or email his dad the pictures you post on facebook.

    Problem solved!

  • I would recommend changing your settings so that friends-of-friends can't see photos that your friends comment on. That way, he won't feel left out because he'll never see anything mutual friends comment on. Go to Settings>Privacy Settings, make sure "who can see your future posts" is set to Friends. You may want to click on "limit past posts" as well, for old stuff, but that's up to you. Once you've done that, click "Timeline and Tagging" on the left and make sure all of the options are set to Friends.
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  • Skip the facebook friendship & just send them emails with a few photos when you do a trip or something special. This way his comments aren't out there for everyone else to see and "mom" is in the loop of what is going on.
  • I definitely wouldn't friend him again, and don't think twice about it!! My FIL sent me a friend request years ago, and it's still sitting there, unanswered. He makes passive aggressive hints, like telling his other DIL in front of me how nice her FB photo of this and that were. I don't take the bait. Plus, your FIL has proven that he doesn't have proper boundaries, and he's the one who decided to unfriend you! Let him deal with the consequences of his decision! Good luck, I feel for you.
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