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Relationships

Anyone feel like they are the ones always maintaining a relationship. I do and I'm getting tired of it!! I feel like I can't help it though. Its a self esteem thing with me. DH and I have talked about me talking to someone about it, but I keep putting it off.

 

Re: Relationships

  • I did for a long time with certian friends. I finally got to the point that even though it hurt, if they were not willing to even put forth some effort I walked away. Its not worth the craziness that goes through my head. Its not like there was some big blow out and we "broke up" the friendship, but we just drifted away.

    Now if it was my marriage, hell yeah, I would certianly see someone if I felt like that.

    But I take it this isnt about your marriage.

  • I used to.  I had a BFF in HS/college, and she stopped trying to hang out, get together etc.  I kept trying.  Then, she send me a FB message blaming me (I think I posted about it on here).   I was her MOH, and I had to personally invite her to my wedding.  It really openned my eyes to things and our relationship.  I suck at keeping up, I know that.  But I try and have good intentions.  My two good friends are people who understand life gets crazy, but when we do hang out it's like nothing changed.  I love it.  I always feel so good after hanging out. 

    It's kind of like "He's not that into you".  If they don't put forth the effort, why should I?  If they want to see me, they will invite me out, text, etc. If not, oh well.  I have people who do care.

    Eliza Mae - September 16th, 2014

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    s517
  • I have so many friends that have just drifted apart. I just suck at keeping in contact, so I do take partial blame. I do have one best friend that I've had since 7th grade. We refuse to just let each other drift away, so even though I haven't hung out with her since May, we still text each other once a week even if it's just a I miss you, or a vent about whatever is going on.

    Friendships are freaking hard when you get older.
    A: 10.02.03    M: 01.28.11
  • PhilaPhan said:
    Friendships are freaking hard when you get older.

    Seriously!
    Eliza Mae - September 16th, 2014

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  • Yes, and it sucks. I have had some where eventually the person comes back around and gets it together, and some where we just drift apart. You can't blame yourself and you can't hold all the responsibility. I think some friendships just have cycles.


  • I think I get what you mean about it being a self esteem thing.  I had a very toxic group of friends that I was afraid to break up with, even though they constantly made me feel like poop and I dreaded hanging out with them.  I was worried that cutting that many people out of my life would make me a friendless loser.  And sometimes I felt like I deserved to be treated the way they treated me.  BUT I eventually let go of those relationships and I cannot tell you how happy it made me.  Life is too short to put up with that stuff.

    Of course, you might mean that you feel like you have to maintain ALL relationships in your life, which would make ending them not an option.  Have you had conversations about feeling like this with the other people involved? 
  • mana8503 said:
    PhilaPhan said:
    Friendships are freaking hard when you get older.

    Seriously!

    Agreed!

     

    I'm awful at keeping in touch so I have had a lot of friendships sort of drift away. I keep in touch with two really good friends but I haven't talked to my "best friends" from high school and college in years. It might be awful but I really don't miss them. I agree with Steph - I think some friendships just have cycles.

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  • Thanks everyone.  This particular one is with my SIL.  SO the fact that it is family sucks.  Long story short is that her and DH's brother moved to FL a few years ago.  They wanted to "start over" down there.  We did stuff with them every weekend and we were all close so it was hurtful to DH and I.  DH and his brother had a falling out, but are okay now.  But they are guys.  Neither of them takes the initiative to text/call each other.  I know SIL has issues with people.  She will be good friends with someone, but can drop them easily. I get anxious around this time of year b/c it is niece's birthday, SIL and BIL's birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  DH doesn't understand why I am the one suggesting to call on the holidays.  But she doesn't care about his family.  But then she would make a comment to him about how no one from his family can contact him on holidays.  Ummm...the phone works both ways.  It was bugging me today because I texted her to wish her a Happy Birthday and all I got was one word answers.  I really want to say "Sorry to bother you"

     

  • @klm42404 SILs relationships are a whole other ball game. I have two. They are 10 and 15 years older than me and BFFs. Not wonderful to deal with at all.
    A: 10.02.03    M: 01.28.11
  •  Yes, what @PhilaPhan said...SIL relationships are way different. I have one- she SUCKS. She doesn't give a flying hoo-ha about our family- she has never sent a card, a gift, or anything for the girls. She has NEVER called me- not once.


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