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A new IL situation...

bridejlbridejl member
Fourth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
edited November 2013 in Family Matters

Re: A new IL situation...

  • Hmmm.


    How big is your basement and did you have plans to finish ?


    If it was me.  I would section off a portion of our basement and tell him that he can use it and no more. I also wouldn't charge him.

    I guess I would try making him sign something saying he will help MIL with expenses, but I wouldn't get my hopes up that it would work.  If he has proven himself to be unreliable in the past,  I don't know why him signing something would change it.

  • edited November 2013
    Wrong account
  • I really don't think his not having to pay storage will have any effect whatsoever on whether or not he helps MIL with expenses. It might seem like a good in theory - hey, if we do this he will probably do that - but really, you can't intermingle issues like that. 

    Bottom line, if you are comfortable having his stuff in your basement, agree ahead of time for how long and what happens if something gets damaged, go for it. 
  • Jesus that's a pretty awful way to treat your father, let alone your father in law. You don't seem to have any respect for these people at all- they are nothing but screw ups and cancers to you. You will suggest to them that they consider storing his stuff in your empty, large and unused basement, but then want them to turn around and formally ask you if you will allow it? But it is ultimately okay because it consists of useful yard equipment that you will benefit from for free?

    Then you want him to sign, with YOU, that the condition of storing his things at your home is that he contributes to the living expenses of his wife. What? Back out of their lives, treat them with respect and hope to hell that people never talk about and treat you this way.

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  • I wouldn't want to get in the middle of this either. He made an agreement with your MIL and SIL, so I don't see why you should have to be involved. I also doubt a written agreement would help. He'd either refuse to sign it, or you wouldn't really be able to enforce it unless someone was taking him to court. I can see trouble stemming from this. When my DH had a house, his father stored a bunch of stuff in his basement, and "temporarily" stored a broken-down car in DHs garage. It led to him having a key to the house, so he could get to his stuff, invading our privacy all the time, and that broken down car was still in the garage 2 years later, when we sold the house. I'm not saying this would happen to you, but it is your house, you have the right to refuse to store his stuff, and it would probably lessen the opportunities for trouble. Good luck!!
  • Don't let them keep stuff at your house. It's just a burden and when they want something out of the masses of boxes they will be at your door. Furthermore you will be responsible if the basement floods and their stuff gets wet, moldy, whatever.

    Actually I have stuff with my mother in my home country. I wish I didn't. It's taking up space and who knows what condition it is in now. And my mom and sister had to move my stuff around many times. 

    If your FIL has no space for his stuff at his house then he really has too much stuff. That's the truth. And that's his problem. 
  • Sillygirl45Sillygirl45 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    A written agreement isn't going to help. I suggest you get out of the middle of this mess. I have helped my mom out in the past, but she appreciated it and didn't continue to expect it. These people need to learn to care for themselves and live on what they make. This is not your problem. Time to make some boundaries
  • You don't want to be in the middle but you want to make sure that THEY have a signed agreement about money that has absolutely nothing to do w/ you?

    Huh?  That's 100% putting yourself in the middle!  Where you really, really don't belong.  The $$ part is between them and only them. 

    Look - either take it at face value.  "Can FIL store some stuff there?".  yes or no.  Take the rest of it out of the equation.  The bit about him formally asking you?  What does that do?  Nothing.

    If you say yes, then put his stuff in a corner and DON'T TOUCH IT.  Just make it clear  "it's here for you whenever  you're ready to move it.".  Storing stuff at your house in NO WAY opens the door for him to MOVE IN w/ you.  I don't see how one has to do w/ the other.

    BUT - again. DON't TOUCH his stuff.  Because then, it almost/kind of could become "yours" and if that happens - then yes, I can see him being more like "Well- as my stuff is there and YOU USE IT, I think I should move in". 

    DON'T USE HIS STUFF.  Buy your own tools!!!!!

    Or, just say "no".  Let them figure out where to put his stuff.  Again - don't worry about the money.  That's their problem, not yours. 

    If you don't want to be in the middle, again, just take it at face value.  They want to store stuff.  Do you have the room?  Are you willing to lose some of the room?  If this were someone else who you liked, would you let them store stuff?  Yes or no.  Don't worry abou ttheir $$ issues, don't even consider using the stuff, and again - it's NOT a door to him moving in.
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